There's nothing left to say
Don't waste another day
Just you and me tonight
Everything will be okay
If it's alright with you then it's alright with me
Baby let's take this time let's make new memories
Friday, November 27, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
I hate the girl
I hate the girl that is so in love
I hate the girl that is so in love she blushes the minute he walks into the room
I hate the girl that is so in love she Can’t think of anything but him
I hate the girl that is so in love she becomes speechless
I hate the girl that is so in love that the only movie she can see is The Notebook
I hate the girl that is so in love she feels sick When he is not with her
I hate the girl that is so in love she imagines their entire future together
I hate the girl that is so in love she becomes naive
The reason I hate this girl is because she is me. You might be wondering what the reason for all the hate is. The reason is simple, the girl’s love, my love was and will never be answered
I hate the girl that is so in love she blushes the minute he walks into the room
I hate the girl that is so in love she Can’t think of anything but him
I hate the girl that is so in love she becomes speechless
I hate the girl that is so in love that the only movie she can see is The Notebook
I hate the girl that is so in love she feels sick When he is not with her
I hate the girl that is so in love she imagines their entire future together
I hate the girl that is so in love she becomes naive
The reason I hate this girl is because she is me. You might be wondering what the reason for all the hate is. The reason is simple, the girl’s love, my love was and will never be answered
it wasnt right
He was my best friend. That one person in my life that truly meant everything to me. I knew that no matter what I did or what I said, he always accepted me for who I was. He loved me no matter what. And not just like a friend.
I knew he had those kinds of feelings for me, I always had. Our friendship started with him saying that he was in love with me. We had known each other for a while then, but only very shallow. I had a small crush on him too, so we started hanging out. While my feelings grew into friendship, his only grew stronger.
We were both very open with how we felt about each other. I think that is what made our friendship so honest, deep and strong. For almost a year, we hung out almost every day, and became the best of friends but nothing more. I hated it. I could see how he just fell apart every time he saw me with a boy. Knowing that it was I who made him feel like… It created a big hole in my heart. I think it was these feelings that made me do what I did.
During the summer we almost didn’t see each other for two months. I missed him more than anyone else and in the back of my head; I started to wander if I wasn’t falling in love with him. I created these pictures in my head of how I would tell him and how happy he would be and how easy our relationship would be. Because we already knew each other. It would be perfect. And easy. Maybe I should say that around this time, my life was anything but easy. At home, it was chaos, I hated school and I had just gotten out of a relationship that was horrible. I needed easy.
At the end of the summer when we finally saw each other again, I decided to tell him. We kissed and I asked him if he still was in love with me, which he was. But I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t right. Kissing him didn’t make me feel all happy and walking on clouds. It made me want to get out of there. I wasn’t attracted to him at all. When he wanted to kiss me, I turned my head away, when he wanted to hold my hand, I put it in my pocket and when he wanted to see me, I made up excuses so that I couldn’t. All that was supposed to be so easy was just so wrong.
A few weeks went by and he started noticing. Finally, he confronted me and asked me what was going on. At that point, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t lie to him. So I told him. I told I didn’t have any feelings for him, and that I probably never had. I told him that it just had been so convenient to be with him. I wanted him t be angry, I wanted him to yell at me, but he didn’t. When I cried and said that I was sorry, he took me in his arms, stroke my hair and told me that it was going to be okay. That he would always be there for me, that he always would be my best friend and that I could never lose him.
So we continued to be best friends. We didn’t even mention it again. All he said was that I meant too much for him, he had t see me, even if it meant just being friends. Weeks flew by and it was all back to normal. Until one night. I had had a bit too much to drink at a party and so right in front of him, I made out with a boy I didn’t even know. 3 am that night I got a text message from him where it said that he couldn’t see me anymore. It hurt too much.
That night, I cried. I cried for two weeks. I couldn’t believe what I had done to him. My best friend who I loved. Hadn’t I hurt him enough already? I was playing with his feelings like it was just another game. I was supposed to be that person he always could count on. And now, I had destroyed him. Since that night, I haven’t met him or talked to him. It was six months ago. And since that night, a huge part of my life is missing. Just because I wanted something easy.
I knew he had those kinds of feelings for me, I always had. Our friendship started with him saying that he was in love with me. We had known each other for a while then, but only very shallow. I had a small crush on him too, so we started hanging out. While my feelings grew into friendship, his only grew stronger.
We were both very open with how we felt about each other. I think that is what made our friendship so honest, deep and strong. For almost a year, we hung out almost every day, and became the best of friends but nothing more. I hated it. I could see how he just fell apart every time he saw me with a boy. Knowing that it was I who made him feel like… It created a big hole in my heart. I think it was these feelings that made me do what I did.
During the summer we almost didn’t see each other for two months. I missed him more than anyone else and in the back of my head; I started to wander if I wasn’t falling in love with him. I created these pictures in my head of how I would tell him and how happy he would be and how easy our relationship would be. Because we already knew each other. It would be perfect. And easy. Maybe I should say that around this time, my life was anything but easy. At home, it was chaos, I hated school and I had just gotten out of a relationship that was horrible. I needed easy.
At the end of the summer when we finally saw each other again, I decided to tell him. We kissed and I asked him if he still was in love with me, which he was. But I knew from the beginning that it wasn’t right. Kissing him didn’t make me feel all happy and walking on clouds. It made me want to get out of there. I wasn’t attracted to him at all. When he wanted to kiss me, I turned my head away, when he wanted to hold my hand, I put it in my pocket and when he wanted to see me, I made up excuses so that I couldn’t. All that was supposed to be so easy was just so wrong.
A few weeks went by and he started noticing. Finally, he confronted me and asked me what was going on. At that point, I couldn’t ignore it, I couldn’t lie to him. So I told him. I told I didn’t have any feelings for him, and that I probably never had. I told him that it just had been so convenient to be with him. I wanted him t be angry, I wanted him to yell at me, but he didn’t. When I cried and said that I was sorry, he took me in his arms, stroke my hair and told me that it was going to be okay. That he would always be there for me, that he always would be my best friend and that I could never lose him.
So we continued to be best friends. We didn’t even mention it again. All he said was that I meant too much for him, he had t see me, even if it meant just being friends. Weeks flew by and it was all back to normal. Until one night. I had had a bit too much to drink at a party and so right in front of him, I made out with a boy I didn’t even know. 3 am that night I got a text message from him where it said that he couldn’t see me anymore. It hurt too much.
That night, I cried. I cried for two weeks. I couldn’t believe what I had done to him. My best friend who I loved. Hadn’t I hurt him enough already? I was playing with his feelings like it was just another game. I was supposed to be that person he always could count on. And now, I had destroyed him. Since that night, I haven’t met him or talked to him. It was six months ago. And since that night, a huge part of my life is missing. Just because I wanted something easy.
Come what may
For the longest time I thought I'd lost the best of me
But I won't quit now and that's for sure
All I ever wanted was for you to look at me
And know I'm all yours
Like the penguins need their wings for deep cold water dives
Like the earth needs the moon to keep it on course
When you touch me, I know there is purpose in my life
Just know I'm all yours
I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along I was so lost
but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs
I've been wondering if you could ever realize
That we're growing up so fast, and it's insane
My dear our hearts have gotten good at pumping cheap new lust
Into our young veins
All this time I've spent without you by my side, I dreamt about you
Saw you through the windows in my mind
Carved a home for you deep down inside my chest
And I never want to lose such a big part of me again
But I won't quit now and that's for sure
All I ever wanted was for you to look at me
And know I'm all yours
Like the penguins need their wings for deep cold water dives
Like the earth needs the moon to keep it on course
When you touch me, I know there is purpose in my life
Just know I'm all yours
I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along I was so lost
but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs
I've been wondering if you could ever realize
That we're growing up so fast, and it's insane
My dear our hearts have gotten good at pumping cheap new lust
Into our young veins
All this time I've spent without you by my side, I dreamt about you
Saw you through the windows in my mind
Carved a home for you deep down inside my chest
And I never want to lose such a big part of me again
I forgot
I forgot the way you use to intertwine your fingers with mine.
I forgot the way you would move in right before you kissed me on the forehead.
I forgot what forever feels like.
I forgot what it's like to feel beautiful. You never failed to remind me.
I forgot what it's like to wake up with a reason.
I forgot the way your words would sound when you whispered that you loved me.
I forgot what it's like to have a best friend.
I forgot what it feels like to live.
I forgot the way you would move in right before you kissed me on the forehead.
I forgot what forever feels like.
I forgot what it's like to feel beautiful. You never failed to remind me.
I forgot what it's like to wake up with a reason.
I forgot the way your words would sound when you whispered that you loved me.
I forgot what it's like to have a best friend.
I forgot what it feels like to live.
Crush boy
When I was 13 and met Crush Boy for the first time, I had pretty much decided it was love at first sight. Only a few months after we met. It had to be, or at least that's what I told my diary in...every...single...entry. Now, I was only 13, mind you, which is quick young, don't you think? And brace yourself: By the time I'd turned 15, I vowed (in full-on seriousness here, as only a teenage girl can pull off), I declared that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him.
Well, flashforward some 15 years, and we're living happily ever after with two beautiful children and a dog, in a gorgeous house with a a green lawn on which we spend our evenings drinking lemonade and waxing poetic about how romantic our story turned out.
Can you detect my tone of sarcasm? Sadly, no, things didn't turn out that way...
So now I feel like I want to take a step back from starry-eyed love and rose-colored glasses and look at love from another angle. Maybe starry-eyed love moments that involve Hugh Grant or John Cusack lookalikes really only do exist in romantic comedies that have everything nicely scripted. I'd love to hear what you think...
Well, flashforward some 15 years, and we're living happily ever after with two beautiful children and a dog, in a gorgeous house with a a green lawn on which we spend our evenings drinking lemonade and waxing poetic about how romantic our story turned out.
Can you detect my tone of sarcasm? Sadly, no, things didn't turn out that way...
So now I feel like I want to take a step back from starry-eyed love and rose-colored glasses and look at love from another angle. Maybe starry-eyed love moments that involve Hugh Grant or John Cusack lookalikes really only do exist in romantic comedies that have everything nicely scripted. I'd love to hear what you think...
I love you?
My body might be shallow to the touch
We don’t mind though,
Do we?
Do you?
These girls are inside-out
I hope you get me right side-in.
And I think of that one night,
Together, breathing, twisted
Beautiful.
You saying you think I’m beautiful.
I tried so hard not to Cry.
Singing, skinny love, in your car
Do you remember how we started?
Basements.
Never a tear touched my pillow then
So how come now, when everything is perfect
I wake up crying?
I think,
What will I do…
When this is over.
I told you once that I like how we do things.
No months.
You told me we do things right.
Well,
I think we should celebrate.
We are only this young for so many twisted nights.
I want you to have them.
I want you to have it.
Why am I crying, and
Why am I afraid to say
I love you....
You know I do
We don’t mind though,
Do we?
Do you?
These girls are inside-out
I hope you get me right side-in.
And I think of that one night,
Together, breathing, twisted
Beautiful.
You saying you think I’m beautiful.
I tried so hard not to Cry.
Singing, skinny love, in your car
Do you remember how we started?
Basements.
Never a tear touched my pillow then
So how come now, when everything is perfect
I wake up crying?
I think,
What will I do…
When this is over.
I told you once that I like how we do things.
No months.
You told me we do things right.
Well,
I think we should celebrate.
We are only this young for so many twisted nights.
I want you to have them.
I want you to have it.
Why am I crying, and
Why am I afraid to say
I love you....
You know I do
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Out of my head
What do you know, I'm not surprised that here I am
Sitting and playing the fool again
Why do I keep letting you get to me?
You told me yesterday that you met a great girl
And I'd be lying if I said those words didn't hurt a little
So instead I'll just smile, hoping that will hide my misery
You're like a trainwreck barreling through my heart
The kind where you can see the crash before it happens
I know these tracks will only lead me back to you
But for once, I'll just pray for a happy accident
Your eyes, maybe they wouldn't burn like a candle inside my soul
If only I could just get you out of my head
Your smile, maybe it wouldn't remind me so much of home
And maybe your voice, it wouldn't sound like such a sweet symphony
With every words you've ever said to me
If only I could just get you out of my head
Maybe I really could forget all those things you do to me
And not just secretly want you instead
If only I could just get you out of my head
You see me every day
But the way I look at you, it's not quite the same
I'm trying to hard not to give in and throw caution to the wind
When all I really want to do is kiss you
Don't want to keep missing you when you're so close to me
You're like a trainwreck barreling through my heart
The kind where you can see the crash before it happens
I know these tracks will only lead me back to you
But for once, I'll just pray for a happy accident
Your eyes, maybe they wouldn't burn like a candle inside my soul
If only I could just get you out of my head
Your smile, maybe it wouldn't remind me so much of home
And maybe your voice, it wouldn't sound like such a sweet symphony
With every word you've ever said to me
If only I could just get you out of my head
Maybe I really could forget all those things you do to me
And not just secretly want you instead
If only I could just get you out of my head
It feels like I'm drowning in your eyes too fast, too soon
You've got me saying things I've never said before
But you don't see me falling into you
Your eyes, maybe they wouldn't burn like a candle inside my soul
If only I could just get you out of my head
Your smile, maybe it wouldn't remind me so much of home
And maybe your voice, it wouldn't sound like such a sweet symphony
With every word you've ever said to me
If only I could just get you out of my head
Maybe I really could forget all those things you do to me
And not just secretly want you instead
If only I could just get you out of my head
Your eyes, maybe they wouldn't burn like a candle inside my soul
If only I could just get you out of my head
Your smile, maybe it wouldn't remind me so much of home
And maybe your voice, it wouldn't sound like such a sweet symphony
With every word you've ever said to me
If only I could just get you out of my head
Maybe I really could forget all those things you do to me
And not just secretly want you instead
If only I could just get you out of my head
If only I could just get you out of my head
But knowing me, I'd just wish you'd come back again
Sitting and playing the fool again
Why do I keep letting you get to me?
You told me yesterday that you met a great girl
And I'd be lying if I said those words didn't hurt a little
So instead I'll just smile, hoping that will hide my misery
You're like a trainwreck barreling through my heart
The kind where you can see the crash before it happens
I know these tracks will only lead me back to you
But for once, I'll just pray for a happy accident
Your eyes, maybe they wouldn't burn like a candle inside my soul
If only I could just get you out of my head
Your smile, maybe it wouldn't remind me so much of home
And maybe your voice, it wouldn't sound like such a sweet symphony
With every words you've ever said to me
If only I could just get you out of my head
Maybe I really could forget all those things you do to me
And not just secretly want you instead
If only I could just get you out of my head
You see me every day
But the way I look at you, it's not quite the same
I'm trying to hard not to give in and throw caution to the wind
When all I really want to do is kiss you
Don't want to keep missing you when you're so close to me
You're like a trainwreck barreling through my heart
The kind where you can see the crash before it happens
I know these tracks will only lead me back to you
But for once, I'll just pray for a happy accident
Your eyes, maybe they wouldn't burn like a candle inside my soul
If only I could just get you out of my head
Your smile, maybe it wouldn't remind me so much of home
And maybe your voice, it wouldn't sound like such a sweet symphony
With every word you've ever said to me
If only I could just get you out of my head
Maybe I really could forget all those things you do to me
And not just secretly want you instead
If only I could just get you out of my head
It feels like I'm drowning in your eyes too fast, too soon
You've got me saying things I've never said before
But you don't see me falling into you
Your eyes, maybe they wouldn't burn like a candle inside my soul
If only I could just get you out of my head
Your smile, maybe it wouldn't remind me so much of home
And maybe your voice, it wouldn't sound like such a sweet symphony
With every word you've ever said to me
If only I could just get you out of my head
Maybe I really could forget all those things you do to me
And not just secretly want you instead
If only I could just get you out of my head
Your eyes, maybe they wouldn't burn like a candle inside my soul
If only I could just get you out of my head
Your smile, maybe it wouldn't remind me so much of home
And maybe your voice, it wouldn't sound like such a sweet symphony
With every word you've ever said to me
If only I could just get you out of my head
Maybe I really could forget all those things you do to me
And not just secretly want you instead
If only I could just get you out of my head
If only I could just get you out of my head
But knowing me, I'd just wish you'd come back again
Walking with a ghost
Out of my mind, out of my mind
I was walking with a ghost
I said please, please don't insist
I was walking with a ghost
I was walking with a ghost
I said please, please don't insist
I was walking with a ghost
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Brown eyes
You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now
But your brown eyes, they still get to me somehow
The way you walk around as if your life were a movie
You look at me with those brown eyes and I'm hypnotized
What was I doing letting you become my Kryptonite?
And letting you keep on fooling me?
I waited around so long thinking you'd change your mind
And now looking behind me, seeing how far you've strung me along
It's sad to see what I've become
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm starting to see a different picture now
Those brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
It's sad to hear the truth
Knowing you could never love anyone as much as you
I can't say I never tried to let you in
But you always left me on the outside
Too bad it took me so long to realize
That in the end, I couldn't even be your friend
I waited around so long thinking you'd change your mind
And now looking behind me, seeing how far you've strung me along
It's sad to see what I've become
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm starting to see a different picture now
Those brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
I apologized for everything you did
As you walked away wearing a silent grin
I waited around so long thinking you'd change your mind
And now looking behind me, seeing how far you've strung me along
It's sad to see what I've become
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm startThose brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm startThose brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
But your brown eyes, they still get to me somehow
The way you walk around as if your life were a movie
You look at me with those brown eyes and I'm hypnotized
What was I doing letting you become my Kryptonite?
And letting you keep on fooling me?
I waited around so long thinking you'd change your mind
And now looking behind me, seeing how far you've strung me along
It's sad to see what I've become
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm starting to see a different picture now
Those brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
It's sad to hear the truth
Knowing you could never love anyone as much as you
I can't say I never tried to let you in
But you always left me on the outside
Too bad it took me so long to realize
That in the end, I couldn't even be your friend
I waited around so long thinking you'd change your mind
And now looking behind me, seeing how far you've strung me along
It's sad to see what I've become
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm starting to see a different picture now
Those brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
I apologized for everything you did
As you walked away wearing a silent grin
I waited around so long thinking you'd change your mind
And now looking behind me, seeing how far you've strung me along
It's sad to see what I've become
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm startThose brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm startThose brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
Yuck
Have you ever had that pit in your stomach, hole in your heart, want to fall asleep and never wake up, crying in the shower sort of feeling?
Totally had it today.
And it's totally been falling me around lately.
(So not a fan).
Totally had it today.
And it's totally been falling me around lately.
(So not a fan).
The kind of guy
he kind of guy who will watch me work
getting charcoal all over my hands which eventually
make it to my cheeks and he’ll laugh at me but
wet his thumb with his tongue
and gently take them off my
elbows and my
face
The kind of guy who wouldn’t mind taking his shirt and pants
off for me in the privacy of my studio
to sketch, but of course
I probably wouldn’t subject him to that
kind of thing in the first
place
The kind of guy who’d hold my hand and not my ass when
we walked around town and other places
and talked then he’d tickle me and I’d give
chase
The kind of guy who cries whenever he feels
sad or broken up inside or happy
he’d let me dry his tears because I wanted to
and let me comfort him any time he needed
grace
The kind of guy who doesn’t mind that I’m not like
magazine people cause I’m healthy that’s all that matters
and he says watching the waistline is a waste of time
I’ll be a lady eventually and after all its puberty and just a passing
phase
The kind of guy who’ll lie in the curve of my midnight sleep
and hold me close and when the morning light comes he’ll
still kiss me despite our morning breaths but also
if need be he’ll leave me alone and give me my own
space
The kind of guy who loves every single part of me
for being every single part of me on their own with nothing special
because ‘I’m everything special already’ he
says.
getting charcoal all over my hands which eventually
make it to my cheeks and he’ll laugh at me but
wet his thumb with his tongue
and gently take them off my
elbows and my
face
The kind of guy who wouldn’t mind taking his shirt and pants
off for me in the privacy of my studio
to sketch, but of course
I probably wouldn’t subject him to that
kind of thing in the first
place
The kind of guy who’d hold my hand and not my ass when
we walked around town and other places
and talked then he’d tickle me and I’d give
chase
The kind of guy who cries whenever he feels
sad or broken up inside or happy
he’d let me dry his tears because I wanted to
and let me comfort him any time he needed
grace
The kind of guy who doesn’t mind that I’m not like
magazine people cause I’m healthy that’s all that matters
and he says watching the waistline is a waste of time
I’ll be a lady eventually and after all its puberty and just a passing
phase
The kind of guy who’ll lie in the curve of my midnight sleep
and hold me close and when the morning light comes he’ll
still kiss me despite our morning breaths but also
if need be he’ll leave me alone and give me my own
space
The kind of guy who loves every single part of me
for being every single part of me on their own with nothing special
because ‘I’m everything special already’ he
says.
Black Shirt
He looked at me and asked casually, "Do you like this shirt?"
And I took a deep breath and said it looked warm as my faced flushed to red
He probably didn't even notice that in that moment, it became so hard to focus
On anything but him
Maybe that's exactly what he wants
To keep me falling over and over again
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wearing so close to his heart
I wish I didn't have to hide this foolish grin
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wrapped up in
He doesn't even know
About all those feelings I never show
And as he's walking away now, I wish I could say, "Why don't you and your black shirt stick around"
He has a way of making me say things I've never said before
So many things I should keep to myself
So I try to look away
But with every word he says, it's getting harder to see anyone else
Maybe that's exactly what he wants
To keep me falling over and over again
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wearing so close to his heart
I wish I didn't have to hide this foolish grin
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wrapped up in
He doesn't even know
About all those feelings I never show
And as he's walking away now, I wish I could say, "Why don't you and your black shirt stick around"
That boy and his black shirt just might ruin me
But I just have to laugh 'case after all is said and done
It's all making me believe
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wearing so close to his heart
I wish I didn't have to hide this foolish grin
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wrapped up in
He doesn't even know
About all those feelings I never show
And as he's walking away now, I wish I could say, "Why don't you and your black shirt stick around"
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wearing so close to his heart
I wish I didn't have to hide this foolish grin
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wrapped up in
He doesn't even know
About all those feelings I never show
And as he's walking away now, I wish I could say, "Why don't you and your black shirt stick around"
Wish I could make him see
That every night when I fall asleep, I wish I could be that black shirt he's wrapped up in
And I took a deep breath and said it looked warm as my faced flushed to red
He probably didn't even notice that in that moment, it became so hard to focus
On anything but him
Maybe that's exactly what he wants
To keep me falling over and over again
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wearing so close to his heart
I wish I didn't have to hide this foolish grin
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wrapped up in
He doesn't even know
About all those feelings I never show
And as he's walking away now, I wish I could say, "Why don't you and your black shirt stick around"
He has a way of making me say things I've never said before
So many things I should keep to myself
So I try to look away
But with every word he says, it's getting harder to see anyone else
Maybe that's exactly what he wants
To keep me falling over and over again
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wearing so close to his heart
I wish I didn't have to hide this foolish grin
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wrapped up in
He doesn't even know
About all those feelings I never show
And as he's walking away now, I wish I could say, "Why don't you and your black shirt stick around"
That boy and his black shirt just might ruin me
But I just have to laugh 'case after all is said and done
It's all making me believe
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wearing so close to his heart
I wish I didn't have to hide this foolish grin
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wrapped up in
He doesn't even know
About all those feelings I never show
And as he's walking away now, I wish I could say, "Why don't you and your black shirt stick around"
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wearing so close to his heart
I wish I didn't have to hide this foolish grin
I wish I could be that black shirt he's wrapped up in
He doesn't even know
About all those feelings I never show
And as he's walking away now, I wish I could say, "Why don't you and your black shirt stick around"
Wish I could make him see
That every night when I fall asleep, I wish I could be that black shirt he's wrapped up in
Monday, November 16, 2009
seasame street
But it wasn’t so much the TV or the fact that the grass on TV actually was green instead of gray that mattered to me so much back then. I was too busy relaxing and exploring my favorite of neighborhoods: Sesame Street.
It was a simpler time, perfect for a simpler generation like mine. This was long before Barney hopped around. Long before a certain Teletubby found himself criticized for his fashionable purple purse.
It was sort of like "Cheers" for the younger set – the place where you always were welcomed with open (albeit usually fluffy) arms or wings, and everyone always knew your name.
The innovative PBS children’s program turned the big 4-0 this week (though the median age of the cast is about 5 or 6) amid a flurry of media appearances (Oscar the Grouch and Elmo are making the talk-show circuit), and a special season premiere extravaganza with a guest appearance by none other than first lady Michelle Obama, who taught the neighborhood about the joys of planting a garden and healthy eating. I wonder how that will go over with Cookie Monster.
I don’t know about you, but I tuned in to see the big event with that same childlike glee I did more than 20 years ago. Everyone seems to have their favorite Sesame Street resident. My mother always liked Bert (maybe because he was so bossy?). My sister was fond of Snuffleupagus. I like to think I was Grover’s biggest fan. To my childhood innocence, he seemed so wise and worldly; he always had the answer. I always could count on him and his chums.
That’s how the show was to me and the thousands of others in my generation who learned our ABCs, 123s, and the importance of loving each other and the Earth. Big Bird and his bunch were our family. They always were there for us. They made us smile. They made us think and, of course, taught life lessons, even if we didn’t know we were learning them at the time.
The show’s creator, Joan Ganz Cooney, recently remarked on the genius behind her vision. From the show’s inception, she vowed that “every piece of information would be entertaining, and every piece of entertainment would be educational.”
That vision is still alive and kicking. Studies have shown that my generation and generations thereafter that watched Sesame Street start school ahead of the curve. They know their letters, thanks to the Count. They understand basic phonics, thanks to Elmo, and they have a better grasp of concepts such as math, thanks, again, to the Count.
I’m just left with one question, though: Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street? It’s time I properly thanked them.
It was a simpler time, perfect for a simpler generation like mine. This was long before Barney hopped around. Long before a certain Teletubby found himself criticized for his fashionable purple purse.
It was sort of like "Cheers" for the younger set – the place where you always were welcomed with open (albeit usually fluffy) arms or wings, and everyone always knew your name.
The innovative PBS children’s program turned the big 4-0 this week (though the median age of the cast is about 5 or 6) amid a flurry of media appearances (Oscar the Grouch and Elmo are making the talk-show circuit), and a special season premiere extravaganza with a guest appearance by none other than first lady Michelle Obama, who taught the neighborhood about the joys of planting a garden and healthy eating. I wonder how that will go over with Cookie Monster.
I don’t know about you, but I tuned in to see the big event with that same childlike glee I did more than 20 years ago. Everyone seems to have their favorite Sesame Street resident. My mother always liked Bert (maybe because he was so bossy?). My sister was fond of Snuffleupagus. I like to think I was Grover’s biggest fan. To my childhood innocence, he seemed so wise and worldly; he always had the answer. I always could count on him and his chums.
That’s how the show was to me and the thousands of others in my generation who learned our ABCs, 123s, and the importance of loving each other and the Earth. Big Bird and his bunch were our family. They always were there for us. They made us smile. They made us think and, of course, taught life lessons, even if we didn’t know we were learning them at the time.
The show’s creator, Joan Ganz Cooney, recently remarked on the genius behind her vision. From the show’s inception, she vowed that “every piece of information would be entertaining, and every piece of entertainment would be educational.”
That vision is still alive and kicking. Studies have shown that my generation and generations thereafter that watched Sesame Street start school ahead of the curve. They know their letters, thanks to the Count. They understand basic phonics, thanks to Elmo, and they have a better grasp of concepts such as math, thanks, again, to the Count.
I’m just left with one question, though: Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street? It’s time I properly thanked them.
original
Sometimes I wonder if anything is truly original anymore or are we past original thought? Are we now living in a time where everything is influenced or inspired by something else? I don't feel like doing anything today. And I wish people would stop wasting my time with spam or newsletters I didn't subscribe too. that is all. I will be cheerier tomorrow.
nothing of me is original
i am the combined effot
of everyone around me
nothing of me is original
i am the combined effot
of everyone around me
Thursday, November 12, 2009
different kinds of love
"There’s different kinds of love, darling.
Some people you love no matter what...
and others you love if the situation is right.
To me, the best kind of love...
is the “no matter what” kind."
–Helen Holt
Some people you love no matter what...
and others you love if the situation is right.
To me, the best kind of love...
is the “no matter what” kind."
–Helen Holt
Spin
"Do you ever just put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin?
Well, that’s what love is like.
Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall…
but for some reason you just keep going..."
— Practical Magic
Well, that’s what love is like.
Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall…
but for some reason you just keep going..."
— Practical Magic
Wait for the boy
I discovered this quote today:
"Wait for the boy who pursues you.
Wait for the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical.
Wait for the kind of person who brings out the best in you,
and makes you want to be a better person.
Wait for the person who will be your best friend.
Wait for the person who will drop everything to be with you
no matter what the circumstances.
Wait for the person who makes you smile like nobody else.
Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world
when you are in sweats and a tee shirt.
And most of all...
wait for the person who will put you at the center of their universe.
Because that is exactly where you belong."
As sweet as this quote may be... I have to disagree with it.
Because lets face it you guys, we are priceless.
And frankly, I think we deserve a lot more than that.
So with that being said,
(and hoping the author of this quote doesn't mind),
I made a few revisions of my own.
"Wait for the boy who not only pursues you…
but wait for the boy who chases you like crazy.
Wait for the boy who chases you until he can't possibly chase you anymore.
Wait for the boy who does everything he possibly can to make sure you're his and he's yours,
and refuses to ever let go or give up on that dream.
Wait for the one who will not only make an ordinary moment seem magical…
but wait for the one who makes sure there are no ordinary moments.
Wait for the one who makes every moment magic.
Wait for the kind of person who not only brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person,
but wait for the kind of person who refuses to let you be anything less than the best you could possibly ever be.
Wait for the kind of person who doesn't let you settle for anything less for yourself, because they care too much about you.
Wait for the kind of person who sets you straight when you aren't being the best you can be,
and who makes you work harder every single day at getting there.
Wait not only for the person who will be your best friend,
but wait for the person who goes out of their way to be the best friend you have ever had,
and ever will have.
Wait for the person who will not only drop everything to be with you no matter what the circumstances,
but wait for the person who tries to drop everything to be with you, no matter what the circumstances.
Not becuase it's the sweet thing to do, but simply because they want to.
Wait for the person who not only makes you smile like nobody else...
but wait for the person who does it on purpose.
Wait for the person who is willing to fight for anything to see your smile.
Wait for the person who lives for your smile.
Wait for the person who not only wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and a tee shirt…
but wait for the person who thinks you are most beautiful in just your sweats and a tee shirt.
Wait for the person who tells you that you don't need to wear anything but sweats and a tee shirt,
and wait for the person who makes sure that you feel the most beautiful in just sweats and a tee shirt.
And most of all… wait not only for the person who will put you up at the center of their universe…
but wait for the person who wouldn't settle for making you only the center of their universe.
Wait for the person who makes you their entire universe.
Because not only is the center of the universe exactly where you belong,
but the universe is exactly what you are."
♥
"Wait for the boy who pursues you.
Wait for the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical.
Wait for the kind of person who brings out the best in you,
and makes you want to be a better person.
Wait for the person who will be your best friend.
Wait for the person who will drop everything to be with you
no matter what the circumstances.
Wait for the person who makes you smile like nobody else.
Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world
when you are in sweats and a tee shirt.
And most of all...
wait for the person who will put you at the center of their universe.
Because that is exactly where you belong."
As sweet as this quote may be... I have to disagree with it.
Because lets face it you guys, we are priceless.
And frankly, I think we deserve a lot more than that.
So with that being said,
(and hoping the author of this quote doesn't mind),
I made a few revisions of my own.
"Wait for the boy who not only pursues you…
but wait for the boy who chases you like crazy.
Wait for the boy who chases you until he can't possibly chase you anymore.
Wait for the boy who does everything he possibly can to make sure you're his and he's yours,
and refuses to ever let go or give up on that dream.
Wait for the one who will not only make an ordinary moment seem magical…
but wait for the one who makes sure there are no ordinary moments.
Wait for the one who makes every moment magic.
Wait for the kind of person who not only brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person,
but wait for the kind of person who refuses to let you be anything less than the best you could possibly ever be.
Wait for the kind of person who doesn't let you settle for anything less for yourself, because they care too much about you.
Wait for the kind of person who sets you straight when you aren't being the best you can be,
and who makes you work harder every single day at getting there.
Wait not only for the person who will be your best friend,
but wait for the person who goes out of their way to be the best friend you have ever had,
and ever will have.
Wait for the person who will not only drop everything to be with you no matter what the circumstances,
but wait for the person who tries to drop everything to be with you, no matter what the circumstances.
Not becuase it's the sweet thing to do, but simply because they want to.
Wait for the person who not only makes you smile like nobody else...
but wait for the person who does it on purpose.
Wait for the person who is willing to fight for anything to see your smile.
Wait for the person who lives for your smile.
Wait for the person who not only wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and a tee shirt…
but wait for the person who thinks you are most beautiful in just your sweats and a tee shirt.
Wait for the person who tells you that you don't need to wear anything but sweats and a tee shirt,
and wait for the person who makes sure that you feel the most beautiful in just sweats and a tee shirt.
And most of all… wait not only for the person who will put you up at the center of their universe…
but wait for the person who wouldn't settle for making you only the center of their universe.
Wait for the person who makes you their entire universe.
Because not only is the center of the universe exactly where you belong,
but the universe is exactly what you are."
♥
Monday, November 9, 2009
what if one day
I have loved B for the past year. For me, a year is a long time to like somebody – to have your heart balloon every time he texts you, to secretly smile every time he asks a favour, to laugh at all his bad jokes. A year is a long time to love his scruffy head, to love the way his forehead crinkles when he’s stressed, to love the way his presence makes you feel safe. In my mind I measured B up to other guys, to see if there was someone out there who was better for me. But none of them ever compared to him. He was perfect. And in that entire year I couldn’t find one flaw, no matter how hard I tried.
But then one morning this week, I woke up – and I didn’t love B anymore. (So I guess you can’t really call it love to begin with, can you?) His perfection had suddenly melted away. His steadfast beliefs I had so admired now seemed to be self-conscious, and his confidence seemed somewhat self-absorbed. In that one morning of clarity, I soon became aware of all his flaws. I no longer believe that he is perfect, nor that he is perfect for me.
I still care for him, but I no longer love him. By no means were we superficial - we shared our hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears. So what scares me is that I don’t know how this sudden change of heart happened. Falling out of love shouldn’t be that easy.
What if one day, in the future, I wake up one morning in bed with my future husband, only to find that I do not love him anymore?
But then one morning this week, I woke up – and I didn’t love B anymore. (So I guess you can’t really call it love to begin with, can you?) His perfection had suddenly melted away. His steadfast beliefs I had so admired now seemed to be self-conscious, and his confidence seemed somewhat self-absorbed. In that one morning of clarity, I soon became aware of all his flaws. I no longer believe that he is perfect, nor that he is perfect for me.
I still care for him, but I no longer love him. By no means were we superficial - we shared our hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears. So what scares me is that I don’t know how this sudden change of heart happened. Falling out of love shouldn’t be that easy.
What if one day, in the future, I wake up one morning in bed with my future husband, only to find that I do not love him anymore?
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I had found
I had found a city I was in love with and a boy that had captivated my heart, mind and body. I had not thought it was possible for me to like someone this much. To feel this way. Like my heart will explode. Like I’m on the edge of going crazy if I don’t see him. To crave his touches. To be so desperate for his company. Joy and pure bliss was never suppose to come hand in hand with hurt and misery.
I had just returned from seeing him a few days ago. It wasn’t the same. It had become real for me. I realized he knew me. All aspects of me. The good, the bad and the ugly. And he was still sitting there next to me. He was a genuinely good, simple, tender hearted man with flaws and faults I was clearly aware off. And I was still by his side. I wanted him, with his shortcomings and imperfection. All of him. I had never felt my heart to be so fragile and delicate. There was nothing more in this world that I wanted than for him to ask me to stay. To come back. To runaway with him. To be more than a seasonal fling. To be more than just a summer romance. To be his. A real opportunity to give what we have a chance. But he didn’t. And I wonder if he ever would.
I had just returned from seeing him a few days ago. It wasn’t the same. It had become real for me. I realized he knew me. All aspects of me. The good, the bad and the ugly. And he was still sitting there next to me. He was a genuinely good, simple, tender hearted man with flaws and faults I was clearly aware off. And I was still by his side. I wanted him, with his shortcomings and imperfection. All of him. I had never felt my heart to be so fragile and delicate. There was nothing more in this world that I wanted than for him to ask me to stay. To come back. To runaway with him. To be more than a seasonal fling. To be more than just a summer romance. To be his. A real opportunity to give what we have a chance. But he didn’t. And I wonder if he ever would.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
boy
Can you get a little closer,
And help me out a little bit?
I scraped my knee fallin' for you,
But baby a kiss will do..
I'm singing Fa la la la la la...
You're as cute as a button,
The things you do sure are something
Are you running out of breath
From running through my head, all night?
I'm falling in love,
And wouldn't I like to think so?
And every night I look at the stars out my window,
And I hope I can see,
The one that we saw together,
It was just you and me and honestly..
I'll look for that star forever.
And help me out a little bit?
I scraped my knee fallin' for you,
But baby a kiss will do..
I'm singing Fa la la la la la...
You're as cute as a button,
The things you do sure are something
Are you running out of breath
From running through my head, all night?
I'm falling in love,
And wouldn't I like to think so?
And every night I look at the stars out my window,
And I hope I can see,
The one that we saw together,
It was just you and me and honestly..
I'll look for that star forever.
ever again
I have someone I love very much. But this story is not about him.
It’s a about a man from 1,320 miles away who somehow ended up a few feet away from me in the lecture hall. Smart, attractive, funny, with a way with words I’ve never heard before. Twisting words and phrases to paint beautiful pictures of the world I knew. I saw what I always did, but it was much more colorful than ever before. I’m a smart girl, not easily impressed, but this guy captured me. He’s so special, but can’t see it himself. He tells me how special I am, but it’s not the same and I can’t wake him up to it. I probably won’t ever meet anyone like him again if I live for a hundred years.
One day, while in his dorm, he kissed me. And I didn’t stop him. The only thing I said was, “I’m a bad person.” He asked why and I responded I have someone I care for very much. He didn’t mind and I didn’t have the willpower to stop him. This happen for another four consecutive days. I finally said that I couldn’t do it anymore because I was betraying the person I cared so so so much for. He cried and I felt like the worst person to have ever walked the planet.
Days following, this man persisted. While telling him that I couldn’t cheat anymore, the spell he had over me broke. He blamed societal rules and the way I think. He did not want me to “be” with him. Simply to share passion. He could care less if I had a boyfriend as long as we could share passion until his research scholarship is over in a year. Then he’ll just pick up and leave like this life here doesn’t matter.
This outright selfishness and juvenile response gave me a hard slap in the face. I feel like this was my test. Much like Sir Gawain, I didn’t pass, but I didn’t fail. For the rest of my life, this will be a reminder, my green sash. I never had a passing thought about betraying someone before, and I never will again. This lesson showed me there are capturing people out there, but there’s not another person made so perfectly for me. I won't find one if I searched for the rest of human existence. I’ve found him. I know it. And I know, short of insanity or death, he is the man I will marry.
I will never,
ever,
take him for granted
ever
again.
It’s a about a man from 1,320 miles away who somehow ended up a few feet away from me in the lecture hall. Smart, attractive, funny, with a way with words I’ve never heard before. Twisting words and phrases to paint beautiful pictures of the world I knew. I saw what I always did, but it was much more colorful than ever before. I’m a smart girl, not easily impressed, but this guy captured me. He’s so special, but can’t see it himself. He tells me how special I am, but it’s not the same and I can’t wake him up to it. I probably won’t ever meet anyone like him again if I live for a hundred years.
One day, while in his dorm, he kissed me. And I didn’t stop him. The only thing I said was, “I’m a bad person.” He asked why and I responded I have someone I care for very much. He didn’t mind and I didn’t have the willpower to stop him. This happen for another four consecutive days. I finally said that I couldn’t do it anymore because I was betraying the person I cared so so so much for. He cried and I felt like the worst person to have ever walked the planet.
Days following, this man persisted. While telling him that I couldn’t cheat anymore, the spell he had over me broke. He blamed societal rules and the way I think. He did not want me to “be” with him. Simply to share passion. He could care less if I had a boyfriend as long as we could share passion until his research scholarship is over in a year. Then he’ll just pick up and leave like this life here doesn’t matter.
This outright selfishness and juvenile response gave me a hard slap in the face. I feel like this was my test. Much like Sir Gawain, I didn’t pass, but I didn’t fail. For the rest of my life, this will be a reminder, my green sash. I never had a passing thought about betraying someone before, and I never will again. This lesson showed me there are capturing people out there, but there’s not another person made so perfectly for me. I won't find one if I searched for the rest of human existence. I’ve found him. I know it. And I know, short of insanity or death, he is the man I will marry.
I will never,
ever,
take him for granted
ever
again.
Secret Crush
And the scary thing is,
That I thought to myself,
I could give up everything,
Just to be with you.
And still though you treat me so bad,
I would call you,
And my eyes would glisten at the words you speak,
And my heart would ache,
And the pain would never go away.
And if I had my choice,
If I could decide,
Still I would ask you to stay,
My silly, secret crush.
That I thought to myself,
I could give up everything,
Just to be with you.
And still though you treat me so bad,
I would call you,
And my eyes would glisten at the words you speak,
And my heart would ache,
And the pain would never go away.
And if I had my choice,
If I could decide,
Still I would ask you to stay,
My silly, secret crush.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Dress like a feminist in Aus
I’m a unique person. I march to the beat of my own drum. Even though I no longer dress up in an awesome costume for Halloween, it didn’t stop me from thinking about some out-of-the-box ideas. And, as in my unique nature, all these lovely ladies are fictional – and amazing feminists.
These Top 5 fictional femmes not only changed our view of women and society, but they also had three things in common: Spunk, sass and the ability to throw a mean punch when necessary. My Halloween-costume ideas just for you:
Mary Tyler Moore: Whether sparring with her boss or giggling with her gal pal, Rhoda, Mary helped usher in a new generation of career-minded women (For her, that meant breaking the glass ceiling of the male-dominated broadcast industry; could you imagine a world today without Diane Sawyer?) determined to show men what they already knew: Women could make it after all.
Costume essentials: The classic hair, a microphone and someone cool to play Rhoda to your Mary.
Miss Piggy: Perhaps the only animal feminist, Miss P. loved her life her way, by her own set of rules. She was a pig’s pig, strong-willed and determined, and got what she wanted: movie roles, the release of her book, "The Diva Code," and of course, the object of her affection, Kermit. She’s got that little frog tied around her pinky.
Costume essentials: Big, blonde wig, a stylish purse and a loud, booming voice.
Scarlett O’Hara: Perhaps one of the first great motivational speakers, she taught women the art of de-stressing, even in stressful times of war, with just five words: "I’ll think about it tomorrow." That’s some pretty good advice, and of course, she never took any grief from a certain Rhett Butler.
Costume essentials: A Civil-War era gown, a fan and a curly-haired wig.
Buffy Summers: Just when teen girls of the late '90s needed a girl-power pep-talk, they didn’t have to look further than the girl who saved the world (a lot). She taught us that smart girls are sexy as she and her friends (including fellow feminist, Willow) rid the world of vampires and other evil demons while still having time to go to college. Besides, any girl who can die and come back to life multiple times has more strength than Hercules could ever hope to have.
Costume essentials: A stake, a fierce look in your eyes and a flashlight for spotting those evil vamps in the dark!
Ariel: The little mermaid with the big voice (and even bigger dreams) quickly became that beacon of hope for little girls everywhere. She showed us the beauty of hope, adventure and wanting the most out of life. Her rule: Never settle if you want to become part of something bigger. In her case, that something just happened to involve life above sea level and the love of a handsome prince.
Costume essentials: A red wig, mermaid legs and a loud voice for singing “Part of Your World.”
These Top 5 fictional femmes not only changed our view of women and society, but they also had three things in common: Spunk, sass and the ability to throw a mean punch when necessary. My Halloween-costume ideas just for you:
Mary Tyler Moore: Whether sparring with her boss or giggling with her gal pal, Rhoda, Mary helped usher in a new generation of career-minded women (For her, that meant breaking the glass ceiling of the male-dominated broadcast industry; could you imagine a world today without Diane Sawyer?) determined to show men what they already knew: Women could make it after all.
Costume essentials: The classic hair, a microphone and someone cool to play Rhoda to your Mary.
Miss Piggy: Perhaps the only animal feminist, Miss P. loved her life her way, by her own set of rules. She was a pig’s pig, strong-willed and determined, and got what she wanted: movie roles, the release of her book, "The Diva Code," and of course, the object of her affection, Kermit. She’s got that little frog tied around her pinky.
Costume essentials: Big, blonde wig, a stylish purse and a loud, booming voice.
Scarlett O’Hara: Perhaps one of the first great motivational speakers, she taught women the art of de-stressing, even in stressful times of war, with just five words: "I’ll think about it tomorrow." That’s some pretty good advice, and of course, she never took any grief from a certain Rhett Butler.
Costume essentials: A Civil-War era gown, a fan and a curly-haired wig.
Buffy Summers: Just when teen girls of the late '90s needed a girl-power pep-talk, they didn’t have to look further than the girl who saved the world (a lot). She taught us that smart girls are sexy as she and her friends (including fellow feminist, Willow) rid the world of vampires and other evil demons while still having time to go to college. Besides, any girl who can die and come back to life multiple times has more strength than Hercules could ever hope to have.
Costume essentials: A stake, a fierce look in your eyes and a flashlight for spotting those evil vamps in the dark!
Ariel: The little mermaid with the big voice (and even bigger dreams) quickly became that beacon of hope for little girls everywhere. She showed us the beauty of hope, adventure and wanting the most out of life. Her rule: Never settle if you want to become part of something bigger. In her case, that something just happened to involve life above sea level and the love of a handsome prince.
Costume essentials: A red wig, mermaid legs and a loud voice for singing “Part of Your World.”
What love was
I had an idea of what love was.
and that idea was all wrong.
because now I think I know what love is.
(or at least what it is to me)
And it is crying when he is sick and you can't be there to make him feel better,
when you can't get him a glass of water or a cool washcloth for his fever.
It is the pain you feel when you weren't there to watch him make 5 interceptions and 3 touchdowns at his intramural football game.
It is eating a strawberry ice-cream cone and thinking it would taste better if he was there eating it with you.
And it is failing a test and wishing that you could sob into his hoodie.
and that idea was all wrong.
because now I think I know what love is.
(or at least what it is to me)
And it is crying when he is sick and you can't be there to make him feel better,
when you can't get him a glass of water or a cool washcloth for his fever.
It is the pain you feel when you weren't there to watch him make 5 interceptions and 3 touchdowns at his intramural football game.
It is eating a strawberry ice-cream cone and thinking it would taste better if he was there eating it with you.
And it is failing a test and wishing that you could sob into his hoodie.
a retro kind of love
I've recently developed some kind of feelings for a guy in my year level. It merely started as a liking for his good looks, nothing more. But after a couple of weeks, we were just together with a group of friends, walking around the streets after a party. I don't know if it was the way the streets were dimly lit, or how the rain was still damp on the ground, it's horribly cliche but i found myself becoming more attracted to his boyish grin and the way his eyes mock my silly jokes. We bonded over music, over songs that are constantly played on my ipod. That night i fell asleep wondering how fun it would be to go to a concert with him, now, i often think of him when certain songs fill my headphones, and I wonder if he's listening to the same thing; the walls are pretty thin, and sometimes when i play our mutual favorite song, it's my way of saying 'this is for you'.
I'm generally extremely confident and comfortable in my own skin and looks, but with guys i crush on, it never actually turns out the way i hope, and so i've found that now, with him, i keep second guessing myself and annoying my friends with the constant insecurities. Everyone knows, somehow, except for him. But it's good, because i kind of have a claim to him without him knowing,and i can allow my eyes to linger on his for a few seconds longer than it should for a platonic relationship, I can ask him if he's feeling better from his cold without looking like an overprotective stalker, and I even allow myself to gush over 'hot guys', guys i would never choose over him if it comes down to it.
I love his smiles, and his sarcastic remarks over my klutziness, I find myself holding my breath when we accidently bump into each other in the hall, and it's good, in a way, to be right next to him, because I'm strangely comforted by the fact that he hasn't brought anyone back with him.
I'm by no means a stalker, or in love, and in fact, this story probably won't warm your heart or make you gush like the others, but sometimes, somewhere, not everybody's falling in love or crying over shattered hearts, they develop crushes that puts them on a slight high, even if it may amount to nothing, it's thinking about the possibilities, finding songs that match your feelings, writing about it, glorifying it. Sometimes, for some of us, it's enough. It's what we need for now.
I want him to pick up on some kind of clue, I think I won't be able to do a junior high 'i kind of like you' speech, but right now, i'm content with just sending him subtle glances, becoming giddy about the possibilities, and just enjoying the warm, fuzzy feelings I haven't had in quite a while. It feels slightly cheesy and seems so un-college, so unsexy or wild, it's a retro, young kind of crush, and I just realized how much I missed feeling like this.
I'm generally extremely confident and comfortable in my own skin and looks, but with guys i crush on, it never actually turns out the way i hope, and so i've found that now, with him, i keep second guessing myself and annoying my friends with the constant insecurities. Everyone knows, somehow, except for him. But it's good, because i kind of have a claim to him without him knowing,and i can allow my eyes to linger on his for a few seconds longer than it should for a platonic relationship, I can ask him if he's feeling better from his cold without looking like an overprotective stalker, and I even allow myself to gush over 'hot guys', guys i would never choose over him if it comes down to it.
I love his smiles, and his sarcastic remarks over my klutziness, I find myself holding my breath when we accidently bump into each other in the hall, and it's good, in a way, to be right next to him, because I'm strangely comforted by the fact that he hasn't brought anyone back with him.
I'm by no means a stalker, or in love, and in fact, this story probably won't warm your heart or make you gush like the others, but sometimes, somewhere, not everybody's falling in love or crying over shattered hearts, they develop crushes that puts them on a slight high, even if it may amount to nothing, it's thinking about the possibilities, finding songs that match your feelings, writing about it, glorifying it. Sometimes, for some of us, it's enough. It's what we need for now.
I want him to pick up on some kind of clue, I think I won't be able to do a junior high 'i kind of like you' speech, but right now, i'm content with just sending him subtle glances, becoming giddy about the possibilities, and just enjoying the warm, fuzzy feelings I haven't had in quite a while. It feels slightly cheesy and seems so un-college, so unsexy or wild, it's a retro, young kind of crush, and I just realized how much I missed feeling like this.
Ah, la la Love
There comes a time in your life where you realize that you actually are in love with a person.
And you realize that even though they are just a mile or two away, your heart doesn't quite feel the same when they're not right next to you.
You realize that you would do anything for them. Really, ANYTHING.
[Yes, I would even jump out of a plane 2,000 feet in the air if it was for their well being.]
You realize that if they're not happy, you aren't either.
You realize that you say really stupid things when you fight, just because you hurt more than you ever have, because you love them so much.
You realize that you still feel bad about those things that you said, even months later.
You realize that every time you make a decision, even the little tiny itty bitty ones, you think "what would they think about this?"
You realize that you have seen way too many movies together.
You realize that even after a year of being together, you still get crazy butterflies every time you see them.
You realize that when you think "family", their face appears in the picture too.
You realize that you don't find anyone else attractive. You don't even look.
You realize that you are losing sleep over them, because you're so excited for the next time you'll see them.
You realize that no matter how mad you are at them, one hug from them would make it all better.
You realize that love is really hard, but this person is worth everything.
And then you realize that love is nothing like you have ever thought it would be like. It's about sacrifice, gratitude, a lot of humility [yes, i even have to say "I'm sorry" and realize that I'm wrong every once in awhile... okay, A lot].
You also realize that it's NEVER going to be easy... but when you're in love, your love gets you through it.
And you realize that even though they are just a mile or two away, your heart doesn't quite feel the same when they're not right next to you.
You realize that you would do anything for them. Really, ANYTHING.
[Yes, I would even jump out of a plane 2,000 feet in the air if it was for their well being.]
You realize that if they're not happy, you aren't either.
You realize that you say really stupid things when you fight, just because you hurt more than you ever have, because you love them so much.
You realize that you still feel bad about those things that you said, even months later.
You realize that every time you make a decision, even the little tiny itty bitty ones, you think "what would they think about this?"
You realize that you have seen way too many movies together.
You realize that even after a year of being together, you still get crazy butterflies every time you see them.
You realize that when you think "family", their face appears in the picture too.
You realize that you don't find anyone else attractive. You don't even look.
You realize that you are losing sleep over them, because you're so excited for the next time you'll see them.
You realize that no matter how mad you are at them, one hug from them would make it all better.
You realize that love is really hard, but this person is worth everything.
And then you realize that love is nothing like you have ever thought it would be like. It's about sacrifice, gratitude, a lot of humility [yes, i even have to say "I'm sorry" and realize that I'm wrong every once in awhile... okay, A lot].
You also realize that it's NEVER going to be easy... but when you're in love, your love gets you through it.
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