Boy: I need someone to talk to.
Girl: I'm always here for you.
Boy: I know.
Girl: What's wrong?
Boy: There's this girl. I really like her.
Girl: Talk to her.
Boy: I don't know. She won't ever like me.
Girl: Don't say that. You're amazing.
Boy: I just want her to know how I feel.
Girl: Then tell her!
Boy: She won't like me.
Girl: And how do you know that?
Boy: I just know...
Girl: I think you should tell her.
Boy: What should I say?
Girl: How much you like her.
Boy: I tell her all the time.
Girl: What do you mean?
Boy: I'm always with her... I love her.
Girl: I know how you feel. I have the same problem... but he'll never like me.
Boy: Wait. Who do you like?
Girl: Oh, just some boy.
Boy: Oh. Now I know she doesn’t like me.
Girl: She does.
Boy: How do you know?
Girl: Because who wouldn't like you?
Boy: You.
Girl: You're wrong. I love you.
Boy: I love you too.
Girl: So are you going to talk to her?
Boy: I just did.
Sigh, because everythings that simple.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Facing the truth, not everybody loves you
You know you’ve made it when you get your first piece of “hate” mail. I didn’t always believe this. In fact, I was once so naïve that I shuddered at the mere thought of someone having those sorts of feelings toward me.
Everyone likes me, I once thought. What’s not to like? What’s not to love?
Apparently, that’s not the case. It seems not everyone does like me. It was a jolting awakening, but one I desperately needed. Some say that the only true measure of your words or actions can only be reflected, not in all the praise and accolades you receive, but in the “anger” you incite in others over said words or actions. I know, it sounds bad, and yet, lately, I’ve been wondering: Don’t we all need a little “hate” thrown our way every now and then to really feel the “love”?
Let me explain.
I received my first piece of hate mail a few months ago via my lovely blog. OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a wee bit; the comment left by a reader wasn't exactly hateful or spiteful, but it was obvious from the choice wording (which I won't repeat because I'm a lady, after all) that he (or she? The 'person' didn't even sign a name) wasn't too happy with my recent musings. At first, I was steaming mad. But with time – and a glass of Coca-Cola – I've calmed down and can see this as an opportunity for growth, both as a writer and as a person who once thought of herself as just a humble girl from the Midwest.
Now, I don’t even remember the topic I was writing about that this person didn’t approve of, but maybe that’s not really important. Too often, we get to a point where we begin to think we’re infallible – first as whimsy teens and then as all-knowing twenty-somethings. And apparently in my mother’s case, there’s also a resurgence of this trend in one’s early 50s. We like to think we have everything – all this life stuff – figured out. We’ve got it down to a science, and we begin to think there’s nothing we can’t do, solve or make better.
Yet, not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to like every single thing that you do. And yes, believe it or not, not everyone has to in the first place. It's not an amendment of the Constitution: Thou Shalt Like Everyone Forever. Sometimes, people simply don't like you – or your writing – and frankly, there is nothing you can do about it.
So even though we may curse these little wake-up calls in the form of not-so-nice words, we need to hear them, whether we want to or not. Because in the end, it’s not only all the love in the world that makes us better, stronger people. It’s also the “friendly” suggestions along the way that help us stop this roller coaster we’ve put ourselves on and say, “Wait, maybe I need to re-examine some things.”
Certain people probably don’t want to hear this, but even though you may hate me, know that I do love you. You’ve helped me come down a notch or two from my self-imposed pedestal. I really should be grateful to you because as we all know, falling from such a height could be very dangerous, maybe even deadly So, really, you saved my life. Thank you.
Everyone likes me, I once thought. What’s not to like? What’s not to love?
Apparently, that’s not the case. It seems not everyone does like me. It was a jolting awakening, but one I desperately needed. Some say that the only true measure of your words or actions can only be reflected, not in all the praise and accolades you receive, but in the “anger” you incite in others over said words or actions. I know, it sounds bad, and yet, lately, I’ve been wondering: Don’t we all need a little “hate” thrown our way every now and then to really feel the “love”?
Let me explain.
I received my first piece of hate mail a few months ago via my lovely blog. OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a wee bit; the comment left by a reader wasn't exactly hateful or spiteful, but it was obvious from the choice wording (which I won't repeat because I'm a lady, after all) that he (or she? The 'person' didn't even sign a name) wasn't too happy with my recent musings. At first, I was steaming mad. But with time – and a glass of Coca-Cola – I've calmed down and can see this as an opportunity for growth, both as a writer and as a person who once thought of herself as just a humble girl from the Midwest.
Now, I don’t even remember the topic I was writing about that this person didn’t approve of, but maybe that’s not really important. Too often, we get to a point where we begin to think we’re infallible – first as whimsy teens and then as all-knowing twenty-somethings. And apparently in my mother’s case, there’s also a resurgence of this trend in one’s early 50s. We like to think we have everything – all this life stuff – figured out. We’ve got it down to a science, and we begin to think there’s nothing we can’t do, solve or make better.
Yet, not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to like every single thing that you do. And yes, believe it or not, not everyone has to in the first place. It's not an amendment of the Constitution: Thou Shalt Like Everyone Forever. Sometimes, people simply don't like you – or your writing – and frankly, there is nothing you can do about it.
So even though we may curse these little wake-up calls in the form of not-so-nice words, we need to hear them, whether we want to or not. Because in the end, it’s not only all the love in the world that makes us better, stronger people. It’s also the “friendly” suggestions along the way that help us stop this roller coaster we’ve put ourselves on and say, “Wait, maybe I need to re-examine some things.”
Certain people probably don’t want to hear this, but even though you may hate me, know that I do love you. You’ve helped me come down a notch or two from my self-imposed pedestal. I really should be grateful to you because as we all know, falling from such a height could be very dangerous, maybe even deadly So, really, you saved my life. Thank you.
Putting down the sword
“Do you always want to be right?”
This was the question posed to me by my friend a few months ago. Daunting, no? And frankly, a bit too blunt for my taste. Couldn’t he have been a bit more subtle and casually work it into the conversation? Or couldn’t he have asked me about my obsessive tendencies as a child, which of course, there were many of those – enough to probably take up a double or triple therapy session?
No. And apparently, he wanted an answer, like, yesterday because he just sat there. And I just sat there, thinking, in that quiet room. You’d swear you could hear a pin drop.
The thing that got me, though, is he seemed to think it was bad – heck, almost illegal – to want to be right all the time. I tried to play devil’s advocate with him. I’m sly like that.
“Isn’t it human nature, though, to have this instinctual need to be right? Who wants to be wrong?”
But the more I thought about it, the more it rang true. All my life, I’ve thought I’ve known what’s right. I had a clear sense of right and wrong and held on tightly to my principles. My moral compass was ever pointed straight ahead. I knew what I should do, knew what other people should do and never shied away from letting my opinions be heard. Why is it that life always seems to have other plans, though?
Last week marked 3 years from when a close friend comitted suicide. And the more I think about it, the more I realize my Right Army seemed to charge even faster ahead after his death. I knew what was right (I’d known it all along): He was selfish. He should have thought of us. He didn’t have to die like that. And, most assuredly, we’re going to have to live with this pain he left us for the rest of our lives.
Or so I thought I knew it all. I was right. Right as rain.
I’ve realized in the last few months that my “need-to-be-right-at-all-costs” mentality is ultimately clouding the larger picture. It’s a scary place to be. All I want to be is positive and upbeat, but the second I even try, the cynical voice inside my head tells me it’s all just a facade, and it’s time to be realistic.
It’s not always right wanting to be right all the time. There has to come a point where you just throw your hands up in the air and say, “To heck with it. That’s life. It is what it is.” I think it may take me a little longer to get to that point, though. I’m on my way. That’s a start, right?
Maybe you’re a right-fighter too. I say it’s time that we put down our swords, took off our masks of armor and stop the crazy madness of trying to be right and make everything right. Aren’t you just a little bit exhausted? I know I am.
This was the question posed to me by my friend a few months ago. Daunting, no? And frankly, a bit too blunt for my taste. Couldn’t he have been a bit more subtle and casually work it into the conversation? Or couldn’t he have asked me about my obsessive tendencies as a child, which of course, there were many of those – enough to probably take up a double or triple therapy session?
No. And apparently, he wanted an answer, like, yesterday because he just sat there. And I just sat there, thinking, in that quiet room. You’d swear you could hear a pin drop.
The thing that got me, though, is he seemed to think it was bad – heck, almost illegal – to want to be right all the time. I tried to play devil’s advocate with him. I’m sly like that.
“Isn’t it human nature, though, to have this instinctual need to be right? Who wants to be wrong?”
But the more I thought about it, the more it rang true. All my life, I’ve thought I’ve known what’s right. I had a clear sense of right and wrong and held on tightly to my principles. My moral compass was ever pointed straight ahead. I knew what I should do, knew what other people should do and never shied away from letting my opinions be heard. Why is it that life always seems to have other plans, though?
Last week marked 3 years from when a close friend comitted suicide. And the more I think about it, the more I realize my Right Army seemed to charge even faster ahead after his death. I knew what was right (I’d known it all along): He was selfish. He should have thought of us. He didn’t have to die like that. And, most assuredly, we’re going to have to live with this pain he left us for the rest of our lives.
Or so I thought I knew it all. I was right. Right as rain.
I’ve realized in the last few months that my “need-to-be-right-at-all-costs” mentality is ultimately clouding the larger picture. It’s a scary place to be. All I want to be is positive and upbeat, but the second I even try, the cynical voice inside my head tells me it’s all just a facade, and it’s time to be realistic.
It’s not always right wanting to be right all the time. There has to come a point where you just throw your hands up in the air and say, “To heck with it. That’s life. It is what it is.” I think it may take me a little longer to get to that point, though. I’m on my way. That’s a start, right?
Maybe you’re a right-fighter too. I say it’s time that we put down our swords, took off our masks of armor and stop the crazy madness of trying to be right and make everything right. Aren’t you just a little bit exhausted? I know I am.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
I'm Sorry
I've had this one written for almost a week now and have been debating whether or not I should share it. But, in the name of honesty and complete disclosure (and, ironically, closure for myself), I've decided to take the plunge. So...here...goes...
I sit alone in my room
Still reeling from the words I said to you
They're the kind of words I never thought I'd say
But maybe I had to anyway
Stephen was the sort of guy who played it cool
He caught my eye, but he never had a clue
Of how I really felt inside
I was just some girl he knew
We were just kids back then
Back when my story began
In those first moments, I saw something in him
I wondered if he'd ever feel that same connection
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
I should have told you everything
But you have a way of making me come unglued
I'm speechless when I'm around you
Can't you see me shaking, trying desperately to keep my heart from breaking?
I'm sorry the words got in the way of all the things I meant to say
Seems I'm always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
We really were just two kids back then
And maybe all these words are just too late
But in the end, I just want you to know what it all meant
Because now we're just two adults trying to find our way
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
I saw you the other day
And I won't be sorry when I say, it took me back
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
You meets my gaze from across a crowded room
And after all these years, he still leaves me so damn unglued
I wonder if he'll ever see
All the things he meant to me...
I sit alone in my room
Still reeling from the words I said to you
They're the kind of words I never thought I'd say
But maybe I had to anyway
Stephen was the sort of guy who played it cool
He caught my eye, but he never had a clue
Of how I really felt inside
I was just some girl he knew
We were just kids back then
Back when my story began
In those first moments, I saw something in him
I wondered if he'd ever feel that same connection
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
I should have told you everything
But you have a way of making me come unglued
I'm speechless when I'm around you
Can't you see me shaking, trying desperately to keep my heart from breaking?
I'm sorry the words got in the way of all the things I meant to say
Seems I'm always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
We really were just two kids back then
And maybe all these words are just too late
But in the end, I just want you to know what it all meant
Because now we're just two adults trying to find our way
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
I saw you the other day
And I won't be sorry when I say, it took me back
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
You meets my gaze from across a crowded room
And after all these years, he still leaves me so damn unglued
I wonder if he'll ever see
All the things he meant to me...
Friday, September 18, 2009
Those Brown Eyes
Isn't it amazing what a bout of frustration can produce? See, this is why I should never, ever, under any circumstances fall for a boy like you. Why? Because you force me to write songs like this...
You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now
But your brown eyes, they still get to me somehow
The way you walk around as if your life were a movie
You look at me with those brown eyes and I'm hypnotized
What was I doing letting you become my Kryptonite?
And letting you keep on fooling me?
I waited around so long thinking you'd change your mind
And now looking behind me, seeing how far you've strung me along
It's sad to see what I've become
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm starting to see a different picture now
Those brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
It's sad to hear the truth
Knowing you could never love anyone as much as you
I can't say I never tried to let you in
But you always left me on the outside
Too bad it took me so long to realize
That in the end, I couldn't even be your friend
I waited around so long thinking you'd change your mind
And now looking behind me, seeing how far you've strung me along
It's sad to see what I've become
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm starting to see a different picture now
Those brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
I apologized for everything you did
As you walked away wearing a silent grin
I waited around so long thinking you'd change your mind
And now looking behind me, seeing how far you've strung me along
It's sad to see what I've become
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm startThose brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm startThose brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now
But your brown eyes, they still get to me somehow
The way you walk around as if your life were a movie
You look at me with those brown eyes and I'm hypnotized
What was I doing letting you become my Kryptonite?
And letting you keep on fooling me?
I waited around so long thinking you'd change your mind
And now looking behind me, seeing how far you've strung me along
It's sad to see what I've become
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm starting to see a different picture now
Those brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
It's sad to hear the truth
Knowing you could never love anyone as much as you
I can't say I never tried to let you in
But you always left me on the outside
Too bad it took me so long to realize
That in the end, I couldn't even be your friend
I waited around so long thinking you'd change your mind
And now looking behind me, seeing how far you've strung me along
It's sad to see what I've become
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm starting to see a different picture now
Those brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
I apologized for everything you did
As you walked away wearing a silent grin
I waited around so long thinking you'd change your mind
And now looking behind me, seeing how far you've strung me along
It's sad to see what I've become
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm startThose brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
Those brown eyes, you wield them like weapons
Dragging me down just to hide your deception
I'm startThose brown eyes that used to swoon me
Just burn right through me and so easily bruise me
As if you never knew me
That old feeling's gone
And now, no matter what you do
Those brown eyes will always leave me blue
GLEE!
Do you love musical theatre?
Do you wish your life was a musical sometimes?
You must watch Glee.
Alright, so this post is somewhat related to choral music but I just wanted to gush about, Glee, a new t.v. show I was introduced to.
A fellow student of mine enthusiastically told me about the plot line where the show follows a vocal show choir within a highschool that is ripe with stereotypical cliques. My interest was instantly sparked; however, I was kind of afraid it was like Highschool Musical. Although Highschool Musical songs are catchy, the fromage of the show often makes me cringe while watching it. Glee is more like the popular teen movie, "Bring it On," but instead of focusing on cheerleading, it is centered around a group of lovable artsy outcasts. Ever since "Bring it On" came out, I wished there was a film that depicted the wonderful world of choral singing and the funny and strange things choristers do when they are competing against one another. Also, the show does a great job at not taking itself too seriously and pokes fun at the quirky characters found within any musical group.
I am also amazed at the kind of quality each Glee episode contains. There is at least one huge choreographed musical number that look absolutely stunning on screen. They look like routines from a major motion picture or Broadway show so it is amazing to see that it on t.v. I also find it funny when the show picks at weird quirks and tendencies of musicians. I think one of the main things is that musicians are willing to make fools of themselves if they are doing something they love. This came to my mind when a group of male teachers have the bright idea of forming a hip-hop A Capella group and they were stoked when they decided that they should name themselves the "Acafellas." I have to admit, I have had similar experiences, but I think I will keep my nerdy stories to myself... for now...
Anyway, I have posted a video of the "Rehab" dance number in one of the first episodes. It is stunning! And you can find links to streaming episodes of Glee HERE > > http://www.sidereel.com/Glee
Do you wish your life was a musical sometimes?
You must watch Glee.
Alright, so this post is somewhat related to choral music but I just wanted to gush about, Glee, a new t.v. show I was introduced to.
A fellow student of mine enthusiastically told me about the plot line where the show follows a vocal show choir within a highschool that is ripe with stereotypical cliques. My interest was instantly sparked; however, I was kind of afraid it was like Highschool Musical. Although Highschool Musical songs are catchy, the fromage of the show often makes me cringe while watching it. Glee is more like the popular teen movie, "Bring it On," but instead of focusing on cheerleading, it is centered around a group of lovable artsy outcasts. Ever since "Bring it On" came out, I wished there was a film that depicted the wonderful world of choral singing and the funny and strange things choristers do when they are competing against one another. Also, the show does a great job at not taking itself too seriously and pokes fun at the quirky characters found within any musical group.
I am also amazed at the kind of quality each Glee episode contains. There is at least one huge choreographed musical number that look absolutely stunning on screen. They look like routines from a major motion picture or Broadway show so it is amazing to see that it on t.v. I also find it funny when the show picks at weird quirks and tendencies of musicians. I think one of the main things is that musicians are willing to make fools of themselves if they are doing something they love. This came to my mind when a group of male teachers have the bright idea of forming a hip-hop A Capella group and they were stoked when they decided that they should name themselves the "Acafellas." I have to admit, I have had similar experiences, but I think I will keep my nerdy stories to myself... for now...
Anyway, I have posted a video of the "Rehab" dance number in one of the first episodes. It is stunning! And you can find links to streaming episodes of Glee HERE > > http://www.sidereel.com/Glee
strong girl
As you know, I grew up a bit behind my peers in many areas of life, and subsequently, this has rendered me the last in my group to reach many milestones people my age have already crossed and are on the other side of the finish line drinking their flavored Gatorade.
Until today. In working on a blog piece (look for it in the coming weeks), I realized I desperately needed the male perspective. A few emails and days later, I get a lovely response from David. Remember him? He's the one who helped me confirm that awkward is the new cool when he commented on my intense upper-body strength, saying:
Yes it’s you. You intimidated with me your freakishly strong arm wrestling skills & now I’m frighten I’ve met a girl that could kick my ass!
So I was rather surprised when I found this little gem from him in my inbox this morning (well, maybe it wasn't such a gem, but I'll get to that in a moment...):
I think you should know that your arm strength frightens me. And if it frightens me, there is a good chance is frightens other men as well. So you may want to keep that little fact about yourself a secret. ;)
Now, you all know I'm a very reasonable, down-to-earth girl. I don't fly off the handle too often; I keep my little self in check. I have an amazing ability to keep a straight face while internally rolling my eyes and laughing at the person. They never even suspect a thing.
But this? Nope, I'm sorry. There are some things I refuse to keep quiet about. And you know what? My sheer strength ranks pretty much on the top of that list, right below my ability to.....FINALLY EMASCULATE a member of the opposite sex. I sent him this reply, in which I upheld my values of true honesty.
And why on earth would I keep my strength a secret? I'm sorry if you can't handle it. ;) Have a good day!
Can't you just hear the tone of sarcasm in that last sentence? It's even more patronizing than those telemarketers who actually ask you how you're doing (like they really care that I spent my day ogling Robert Pattinson for the umpteenth time....)
Wow. Wow. Wow.
It was quite, thrilling, I must say. I feel sorry for the poor boy, actually, though. How demoralizing it must be knowing that some girl thousands of miles away will forever be stronger than him. That she should take him down with just one of her arms, I still have some residual weakness in my right hand? Even with that, the poor boy is still scared of my power.
I just hope I don't cause him to take to the bottle, be they intoxicating drinks or prescription pills.
So don't let anyone ever tell you to hide one of the best parts of you. They're probably just jealous. Frankly. it's their loss. And in the case of David, it would literally be his loss, wouldn't it. :)
Until today. In working on a blog piece (look for it in the coming weeks), I realized I desperately needed the male perspective. A few emails and days later, I get a lovely response from David. Remember him? He's the one who helped me confirm that awkward is the new cool when he commented on my intense upper-body strength, saying:
Yes it’s you. You intimidated with me your freakishly strong arm wrestling skills & now I’m frighten I’ve met a girl that could kick my ass!
So I was rather surprised when I found this little gem from him in my inbox this morning (well, maybe it wasn't such a gem, but I'll get to that in a moment...):
I think you should know that your arm strength frightens me. And if it frightens me, there is a good chance is frightens other men as well. So you may want to keep that little fact about yourself a secret. ;)
Now, you all know I'm a very reasonable, down-to-earth girl. I don't fly off the handle too often; I keep my little self in check. I have an amazing ability to keep a straight face while internally rolling my eyes and laughing at the person. They never even suspect a thing.
But this? Nope, I'm sorry. There are some things I refuse to keep quiet about. And you know what? My sheer strength ranks pretty much on the top of that list, right below my ability to.....FINALLY EMASCULATE a member of the opposite sex. I sent him this reply, in which I upheld my values of true honesty.
And why on earth would I keep my strength a secret? I'm sorry if you can't handle it. ;) Have a good day!
Can't you just hear the tone of sarcasm in that last sentence? It's even more patronizing than those telemarketers who actually ask you how you're doing (like they really care that I spent my day ogling Robert Pattinson for the umpteenth time....)
Wow. Wow. Wow.
It was quite, thrilling, I must say. I feel sorry for the poor boy, actually, though. How demoralizing it must be knowing that some girl thousands of miles away will forever be stronger than him. That she should take him down with just one of her arms, I still have some residual weakness in my right hand? Even with that, the poor boy is still scared of my power.
I just hope I don't cause him to take to the bottle, be they intoxicating drinks or prescription pills.
So don't let anyone ever tell you to hide one of the best parts of you. They're probably just jealous. Frankly. it's their loss. And in the case of David, it would literally be his loss, wouldn't it. :)
The Good Girl Syndrome
A guy friend of mine recently gave me this tome of wisdom: Bad girls are temporary entertainement; good girls are the ones you choose to spend your life with.
I'm not convinced of that. Not really, anyway. Remember what the poodle-skirt blonde said in Cry Baby?
"I am so tired of being good."
You see, when I was younger - and maybe even more now - I thought that movie was made for me, based on my life. My sheltered life is more like it, actually.
I never had any desire to be a mean girl. At first, that is. Then I "met" Blair Waldorf. This girl has moxie. This girl has street smarts - well, at least Upper East Side Street smarts, which is all that really matters. This girl could reduce any of us "nice" girls to puddles of tears with one turn of her head, her brown hair perfectly coiffed in a designer headband, of course, and one glare of her eyes.
I hate being known as the "good" girl. It's a curse, really. Bad girl get what they want. Good girls just get it.
Good girls are, well, good, for one. They're the sort of girls your boyfriend's mother would love. They're the sort of girls who do everything right -- with a smile, of course. They're the sort of girls who always remain prim and proper.
I've heard it all, every good girl platitude you could possibly give someone. I'm so responsible. I'm such a caring person. I'm such a studious little goody-goody.
"You're so good" is my least favorite phrase in the English language. People may have thought it was the nicest compliment in the world, but all I heard were words that stung, that patronized me - the adult equivalent of patting a child on the head while saying another one of my no-no phrases, "You're so cute."
And do you know what I want to say in response (but I don't because I'm a good girl, remember): BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.
It's actually a rather confining and boring life, keeping up this whole good girl thing. I imagine it's the equivalent of those old-time corsets that women wore - you just want to break out of them and BREATHE!
The problem? Women can seamlessly take off the "bad girl" crown and trade it in for a shiny "good girl" crown. Society would of course applauds her for "turning her life around" and making a new life for herself.
But what about good girls who want to tango with being a bad girl, even if only for awhile? We can't go that way. We're shunned. We're chastised. We're labeled. For life, it seems.
Once you're a "good girl"? Well, there's simply no going back. That crown is welded to your skull like a Scarlett Letter.
Now, I don't begrudge other good girls (although, maybe if I did, I'd eventually morph into Blair Waldorf). The world needs it's share of good girls.
And I'm also not saying I want to be a perpetual bad girl. But it would be nice to just step across to the other side, if only for a day. If only for the reactions and glares I'd get from other people. Can you imagine their faces? Little old me, a vivacious vixen. I'm not talking about breaking the law here - wouldn't want to give anyone a heart attack - but just doing something rash and a little rebellious for me, you know? Maybe walk in a zigzag instead of that damn straight line I'm always walking. It could be exciting. It could be an eye-opening experience. At the very least, it has to give me a jolt of energy.
So how exactly do I become a walking-talking-Chanel-toting Blair? How do I taste the sweet nectar of that forbidden fruit? For one, I need to stop being Ms. Nice all the time. Remember those books from the '80s about all those girls (I think they were circles or something)? There was Ms. Nice, Ms. Crabby (Ms. Bashful?) Anyway, I need to stop playing Ms. Nice and maybe get my hands a little dirty - metaphorically speaking, of course. Hard. With a little devil flair -- that'll be me. Maybe.
I even think that eventually I could reduce Ms. Waldorf to tears. That's how the game is played, right, B?
I'm not convinced of that. Not really, anyway. Remember what the poodle-skirt blonde said in Cry Baby?
"I am so tired of being good."
You see, when I was younger - and maybe even more now - I thought that movie was made for me, based on my life. My sheltered life is more like it, actually.
I never had any desire to be a mean girl. At first, that is. Then I "met" Blair Waldorf. This girl has moxie. This girl has street smarts - well, at least Upper East Side Street smarts, which is all that really matters. This girl could reduce any of us "nice" girls to puddles of tears with one turn of her head, her brown hair perfectly coiffed in a designer headband, of course, and one glare of her eyes.
I hate being known as the "good" girl. It's a curse, really. Bad girl get what they want. Good girls just get it.
Good girls are, well, good, for one. They're the sort of girls your boyfriend's mother would love. They're the sort of girls who do everything right -- with a smile, of course. They're the sort of girls who always remain prim and proper.
I've heard it all, every good girl platitude you could possibly give someone. I'm so responsible. I'm such a caring person. I'm such a studious little goody-goody.
"You're so good" is my least favorite phrase in the English language. People may have thought it was the nicest compliment in the world, but all I heard were words that stung, that patronized me - the adult equivalent of patting a child on the head while saying another one of my no-no phrases, "You're so cute."
And do you know what I want to say in response (but I don't because I'm a good girl, remember): BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.
It's actually a rather confining and boring life, keeping up this whole good girl thing. I imagine it's the equivalent of those old-time corsets that women wore - you just want to break out of them and BREATHE!
The problem? Women can seamlessly take off the "bad girl" crown and trade it in for a shiny "good girl" crown. Society would of course applauds her for "turning her life around" and making a new life for herself.
But what about good girls who want to tango with being a bad girl, even if only for awhile? We can't go that way. We're shunned. We're chastised. We're labeled. For life, it seems.
Once you're a "good girl"? Well, there's simply no going back. That crown is welded to your skull like a Scarlett Letter.
Now, I don't begrudge other good girls (although, maybe if I did, I'd eventually morph into Blair Waldorf). The world needs it's share of good girls.
And I'm also not saying I want to be a perpetual bad girl. But it would be nice to just step across to the other side, if only for a day. If only for the reactions and glares I'd get from other people. Can you imagine their faces? Little old me, a vivacious vixen. I'm not talking about breaking the law here - wouldn't want to give anyone a heart attack - but just doing something rash and a little rebellious for me, you know? Maybe walk in a zigzag instead of that damn straight line I'm always walking. It could be exciting. It could be an eye-opening experience. At the very least, it has to give me a jolt of energy.
So how exactly do I become a walking-talking-Chanel-toting Blair? How do I taste the sweet nectar of that forbidden fruit? For one, I need to stop being Ms. Nice all the time. Remember those books from the '80s about all those girls (I think they were circles or something)? There was Ms. Nice, Ms. Crabby (Ms. Bashful?) Anyway, I need to stop playing Ms. Nice and maybe get my hands a little dirty - metaphorically speaking, of course. Hard. With a little devil flair -- that'll be me. Maybe.
I even think that eventually I could reduce Ms. Waldorf to tears. That's how the game is played, right, B?
Love, Me.
I've had lyrics for this one written in various notebooks (everytime I think of a cool line, I just write it down in whatever notebook is nearby), and as I assembled the pieces, I realized that this is the story of how I wish things had unraveled with Crush Boy. Don't you have those moments in life where you'd just like to re-write the story, even if only the ending?
I've walked up and down this street a thousand times
Everything always looked the same
Those houses with the white-picket fence, the oak tree with the bird nests
It's all those memories in my mind
But by the time I'd get to your door, I froze
I walked back home, alone again, 'cause I'm scared to know
If my words would make everything change
So I scribble all my thoughts down
Hoping I'll have the strength to turn back around
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
The floor boards creaked beneath my feet
As I watched across your porch
I'm not sure what I was doing there
But I knew I'd never felt this brave before
As I walked a little closer, my heart beating fast
I knew in that second that I couldn't go back
I knew I couldn't leave
At least not before I left you a little piece of my heart
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
I was so worried I'd lose my breathe
That was always the affect you'd had on me
But I just couldn't keep these feelings to myself
Through all these years, thinking all that we could be
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
Love, Me...
Love, Me...
Love, Me...
Maybe someday you'll see...
I've walked up and down this street a thousand times
Everything always looked the same
Those houses with the white-picket fence, the oak tree with the bird nests
It's all those memories in my mind
But by the time I'd get to your door, I froze
I walked back home, alone again, 'cause I'm scared to know
If my words would make everything change
So I scribble all my thoughts down
Hoping I'll have the strength to turn back around
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
The floor boards creaked beneath my feet
As I watched across your porch
I'm not sure what I was doing there
But I knew I'd never felt this brave before
As I walked a little closer, my heart beating fast
I knew in that second that I couldn't go back
I knew I couldn't leave
At least not before I left you a little piece of my heart
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
I was so worried I'd lose my breathe
That was always the affect you'd had on me
But I just couldn't keep these feelings to myself
Through all these years, thinking all that we could be
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
Love, Me...
Love, Me...
Love, Me...
Maybe someday you'll see...
Love, Me.
I've had lyrics for this one written in various notebooks (everytime I think of a cool line, I just write it down in whatever notebook is nearby), and as I assembled the pieces, I realized that this is the story of how I wish things had unraveled with Crush Boy. Don't you have those moments in life where you'd just like to re-write the story, even if only the ending?
I've walked up and down this street a thousand times
Everything always looked the same
Those houses with the white-picket fence, the oak tree with the bird nests
It's all those memories in my mind
But by the time I'd get to your door, I froze
I walked back home, alone again, 'cause I'm scared to know
If my words would make everything change
So I scribble all my thoughts down
Hoping I'll have the strength to turn back around
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
The floor boards creaked beneath my feet
As I watched across your porch
I'm not sure what I was doing there
But I knew I'd never felt this brave before
As I walked a little closer, my heart beating fast
I knew in that second that I couldn't go back
I knew I couldn't leave
At least not before I left you a little piece of my heart
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
I was so worried I'd lose my breathe
That was always the affect you'd had on me
But I just couldn't keep these feelings to myself
Through all these years, thinking all that we could be
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
Love, Me...
Love, Me...
Love, Me...
Maybe someday you'll see...
I've walked up and down this street a thousand times
Everything always looked the same
Those houses with the white-picket fence, the oak tree with the bird nests
It's all those memories in my mind
But by the time I'd get to your door, I froze
I walked back home, alone again, 'cause I'm scared to know
If my words would make everything change
So I scribble all my thoughts down
Hoping I'll have the strength to turn back around
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
The floor boards creaked beneath my feet
As I watched across your porch
I'm not sure what I was doing there
But I knew I'd never felt this brave before
As I walked a little closer, my heart beating fast
I knew in that second that I couldn't go back
I knew I couldn't leave
At least not before I left you a little piece of my heart
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
I was so worried I'd lose my breathe
That was always the affect you'd had on me
But I just couldn't keep these feelings to myself
Through all these years, thinking all that we could be
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
'Cause I've come too far to let the moment slip away
Thinking too much about what I want to say
So I carry this note between my hands and my heart, hoping someday you will understand
All those words I've never said
Words like you and words like me and every little thing I've been feeling in between
But all you really need to know, you'll see
At the end of the note when you read
Love, Me
Love, Me...
Love, Me...
Love, Me...
Maybe someday you'll see...
Friday, September 11, 2009
Me the Dolly Guy-de.
Lolli pop, Lolli pop.
Oh lala lolipop, lolipop.
buhdumpbumpah.
Yes, I am according to fanny pack one of those kind of bloggers.
Yeah i was bored shanna.
i (L) amis :)
shanna. theres been no one on for 4am chats as of recent.
whereve you been?
xxo
Oh lala lolipop, lolipop.
buhdumpbumpah.
Yes, I am according to fanny pack one of those kind of bloggers.
Yeah i was bored shanna.
i (L) amis :)
shanna. theres been no one on for 4am chats as of recent.
whereve you been?
xxo
Slow dancing at midnight
I wrote this thinking about (OK, wishing about) the security you feel in someone else's arms. Someone you want to protect and someone you know will protect you. It's sort of like that security blanket we all claim we don't need once we "grow up." And how just the sight of something - a room - can hold so many memories, memories you never want to let go of and hold forever.
In a dimly lit room in the heat of June
I just stood there looking at you
I didn't know if it was the beginning of something
Or the end of nothing
The lights flickered as you took my hand
As we slow danced in that empty room
My head on your shoulder, our words growing colder
When all I wanted was to fall into you
Do you remember, the way we used to
When...
We were slow dancing at midnight
Letting the breeze in from the Sycamore tree
You looked like an angel in the moonlight
Our bodies swaying, our hands intertwined
Life was everything I'd ever want it to be
As we were slow dancing at midnight
I remember everything about this room
The chairs were still there from the times we laughed hysterically until 3 in the morning
The floor still creaked beneath my feet
And it reminded me of your heartbeat
I told you things I never told anyone before
'Cause with you, it was just so easy
When...
We were slow dancing at midnight
Letting the breeze in from the Sycamore tree
You looked like an angel in the moonlight
Our bodies swaying, our hands intertwined
Life was everything I'd ever want it to be
As we were slow dancing at midnight
It's sad to think that by the morning light we'll see
Our dreams fade into the ghost of everything we'd wanted to be
Alone together in that room
Just you and me
We were slow dancing at midnight
Letting the breeze in from the Sycamore tree
You looked like an angel in the moonlight
Our bodies swaying, our hands intertwined
Life was everything I'd ever want it to be
As we were slow dancing at midnight
We were slow dancing at midnight
Letting the breeze in from the Sycamore tree
You looked like an angel in the moonlight
Our bodies swaying, our hands intertwined
Life was everything I'd ever want it to be
As we were slow dancing at midnight
Any time you feel alone, just turn around
'Cause I can picture us now
In a place where we can always find us
Slow dancing at midnight
In a dimly lit room in the heat of June
I just stood there looking at you
I didn't know if it was the beginning of something
Or the end of nothing
The lights flickered as you took my hand
As we slow danced in that empty room
My head on your shoulder, our words growing colder
When all I wanted was to fall into you
Do you remember, the way we used to
When...
We were slow dancing at midnight
Letting the breeze in from the Sycamore tree
You looked like an angel in the moonlight
Our bodies swaying, our hands intertwined
Life was everything I'd ever want it to be
As we were slow dancing at midnight
I remember everything about this room
The chairs were still there from the times we laughed hysterically until 3 in the morning
The floor still creaked beneath my feet
And it reminded me of your heartbeat
I told you things I never told anyone before
'Cause with you, it was just so easy
When...
We were slow dancing at midnight
Letting the breeze in from the Sycamore tree
You looked like an angel in the moonlight
Our bodies swaying, our hands intertwined
Life was everything I'd ever want it to be
As we were slow dancing at midnight
It's sad to think that by the morning light we'll see
Our dreams fade into the ghost of everything we'd wanted to be
Alone together in that room
Just you and me
We were slow dancing at midnight
Letting the breeze in from the Sycamore tree
You looked like an angel in the moonlight
Our bodies swaying, our hands intertwined
Life was everything I'd ever want it to be
As we were slow dancing at midnight
We were slow dancing at midnight
Letting the breeze in from the Sycamore tree
You looked like an angel in the moonlight
Our bodies swaying, our hands intertwined
Life was everything I'd ever want it to be
As we were slow dancing at midnight
Any time you feel alone, just turn around
'Cause I can picture us now
In a place where we can always find us
Slow dancing at midnight
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Letters
I cannot forget that I'm in love with you.
I'm sorry.
Here is your key.
Sometimes, the shortest letters mean the most, hey?
I'm sorry.
Here is your key.
Sometimes, the shortest letters mean the most, hey?
Who we are
I wrote this about one of my younger cousins. She's had quite the difficult road, and I just wish she could see how beautiful she is.
You walk through life with your eyes on the ground
Everyone sees your beauty but you
You don't have to wait for love to come around
Because you don't see what I do
You're captivating, fascinating, but you keep it locked inside
You're unbelieveable, such a miracle, just look into those blue eyes
If I could, I'd never erase the smile on your face
You don't have to look far
Just look at me because I see who you are
I've watched your smile fade away
To a candle that's slowly losing its glow
Your heart cries out in pain
How can you not see you're so much more than you know
You're captivating, fascinating, but you keep it locked inside
You're unbelieveable, such a miracle, just look into those blue eyes
If I could, I'd never erase the smile on your face
You don't have to look far
Just look at me because I see who you are
You'd never been invisible if only you could look in the mirror and see
The beautiful girl I see looking at me
You're captivating, fascinating, but you keep it locked inside
You're unbelieveable, such a miracle, just look into those blue eyes
If I could, I'd never erase the smile on your face
You don't have to look far
Just look at me because I see who you are
You'll always be that beautiful girl to me...
You walk through life with your eyes on the ground
Everyone sees your beauty but you
You don't have to wait for love to come around
Because you don't see what I do
You're captivating, fascinating, but you keep it locked inside
You're unbelieveable, such a miracle, just look into those blue eyes
If I could, I'd never erase the smile on your face
You don't have to look far
Just look at me because I see who you are
I've watched your smile fade away
To a candle that's slowly losing its glow
Your heart cries out in pain
How can you not see you're so much more than you know
You're captivating, fascinating, but you keep it locked inside
You're unbelieveable, such a miracle, just look into those blue eyes
If I could, I'd never erase the smile on your face
You don't have to look far
Just look at me because I see who you are
You'd never been invisible if only you could look in the mirror and see
The beautiful girl I see looking at me
You're captivating, fascinating, but you keep it locked inside
You're unbelieveable, such a miracle, just look into those blue eyes
If I could, I'd never erase the smile on your face
You don't have to look far
Just look at me because I see who you are
You'll always be that beautiful girl to me...
A boy
This one just sort of wrote itself. There's always that guy in your life who you're not supposed to like, not supposed to have a crush on...and yet, that just makes you like him even more. And before you ask, yes, there is an actual person behind this song, but I'd like to keep his identity on the DL...for now.
Damn, I don't know how you do it
You make me see right through it
Everything I should be running from
You've got me falling for
Your eyes, they see right through me
How can one person make me come so undone?
I don't know where this is going to lead
Who knows where we'll be a year from now
But it's just that every time I look at you
I want to tell you these words somehow
You hooked me with just one look
I had no idea what I was getting into
Falling for a boy like you
You're everything a girl like me isn't supposed to believe
You've got a girl like me thinking of things I shouldn't do
Finding every excuse just to be next to you
I should walk away, find someone else
But, oh, you make it so easy just to be myself
I shouldn't be falling for a boy like you
But that won't stop me from wanting to
There's a story behind those eyes
A story you try so desperately to hide
I guess you want to keep it private
But knowing me, I'll be damned if I don't try to find it
'Cause I see something in you
Something I want to hold on to
You hooked me with just one look
I had no idea what I was getting into
Falling for a boy like you
You're everything a girl like me isn't supposed to believe
You've got a girl like me thinking of things I shouldn't do
Finding every excuse just to be next to you
I should walk away, find someone else
But, oh, you make it so easy just to be myself
I shouldn't be falling for a boy like you
But that won't stop me from wanting to
You're like a drug intoxicating me
But something in me is excited to see where this will lead
You're the boy I'm not supposed to like
So stop seducing me with those dreamy eyes
You hooked me with just one look
I had no idea what I was getting into
Falling for a boy like you
You're everything a girl like me isn't supposed to believe
You've got a girl like me thinking of things I shouldn't do
Finding every excuse just to be next to you
I should walk away, find someone else
But, oh, you make it so easy just to be myself
I shouldn't be falling for a boy like you
But that won't stop me from wanting to
You hooked me with just one look
I had no idea what I was getting into
Falling for a boy like you
You're everything a girl like me isn't supposed to believe
You've got a girl like me thinking of things I shouldn't do
Finding every excuse just to be next to you
I should walk away, find someone else
But, oh, you make it so easy just to be myself
I shouldn't be falling for a boy like you
But that won't stop me from wanting to
A boy like you could have any girl he wants
But you see, there's just this girl like me
Standing here wishing they're not...
Damn, I don't know how you do it
You make me see right through it
Everything I should be running from
You've got me falling for
Your eyes, they see right through me
How can one person make me come so undone?
I don't know where this is going to lead
Who knows where we'll be a year from now
But it's just that every time I look at you
I want to tell you these words somehow
You hooked me with just one look
I had no idea what I was getting into
Falling for a boy like you
You're everything a girl like me isn't supposed to believe
You've got a girl like me thinking of things I shouldn't do
Finding every excuse just to be next to you
I should walk away, find someone else
But, oh, you make it so easy just to be myself
I shouldn't be falling for a boy like you
But that won't stop me from wanting to
There's a story behind those eyes
A story you try so desperately to hide
I guess you want to keep it private
But knowing me, I'll be damned if I don't try to find it
'Cause I see something in you
Something I want to hold on to
You hooked me with just one look
I had no idea what I was getting into
Falling for a boy like you
You're everything a girl like me isn't supposed to believe
You've got a girl like me thinking of things I shouldn't do
Finding every excuse just to be next to you
I should walk away, find someone else
But, oh, you make it so easy just to be myself
I shouldn't be falling for a boy like you
But that won't stop me from wanting to
You're like a drug intoxicating me
But something in me is excited to see where this will lead
You're the boy I'm not supposed to like
So stop seducing me with those dreamy eyes
You hooked me with just one look
I had no idea what I was getting into
Falling for a boy like you
You're everything a girl like me isn't supposed to believe
You've got a girl like me thinking of things I shouldn't do
Finding every excuse just to be next to you
I should walk away, find someone else
But, oh, you make it so easy just to be myself
I shouldn't be falling for a boy like you
But that won't stop me from wanting to
You hooked me with just one look
I had no idea what I was getting into
Falling for a boy like you
You're everything a girl like me isn't supposed to believe
You've got a girl like me thinking of things I shouldn't do
Finding every excuse just to be next to you
I should walk away, find someone else
But, oh, you make it so easy just to be myself
I shouldn't be falling for a boy like you
But that won't stop me from wanting to
A boy like you could have any girl he wants
But you see, there's just this girl like me
Standing here wishing they're not...
Howdy
OHAI :D
I'm Jade! I'm a bit of a nerd and I love music. I'm always reading, writing, drawing or sitting at the computer whilst drinking tea. Singing is one of my favourite things in the world. I also play Clarinet and Saxaphone. No, you don't have to have a nice voice to sing, not at all! I’m attempting to teach myself guitar. I learn Indonesian at school and I'd love to go to travel the World one day. I’m the kind of person that likes things neat and organized, though at times I’m neither of the two. I can be very distant and am often caught daydreaming, or staring out a window scribbling lyrics on whatever is sitting in front of me.
I'd love to be able to live, laugh and learn all around the world. I have a habit of correceting people's English and turning off power switches when things aren't in use and telling people off for wasting water. I think that manners and respect are two of the most important things in the world. I like making new friends, but am often loud around new people and really, I am great at making conversation. I like to talk, so talk to me, I'll be nice :D
' In order to be irreplaceble one must always be different.'
- Coco Chanel
I'm Jade! I'm a bit of a nerd and I love music. I'm always reading, writing, drawing or sitting at the computer whilst drinking tea. Singing is one of my favourite things in the world. I also play Clarinet and Saxaphone. No, you don't have to have a nice voice to sing, not at all! I’m attempting to teach myself guitar. I learn Indonesian at school and I'd love to go to travel the World one day. I’m the kind of person that likes things neat and organized, though at times I’m neither of the two. I can be very distant and am often caught daydreaming, or staring out a window scribbling lyrics on whatever is sitting in front of me.
I'd love to be able to live, laugh and learn all around the world. I have a habit of correceting people's English and turning off power switches when things aren't in use and telling people off for wasting water. I think that manners and respect are two of the most important things in the world. I like making new friends, but am often loud around new people and really, I am great at making conversation. I like to talk, so talk to me, I'll be nice :D
' In order to be irreplaceble one must always be different.'
- Coco Chanel
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
The bad crazy
MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Jade
RE: The bad Crazy
DATE: September 10, 2009
Here's the elusive second part of our deep analysis. Yesterday, we discussed (the great things we love about guys).
But let's be honest here: There's stuff we just either don't understand or can't stand - sometimes both. Like the above photo says, you have to ask yourself: Would you like you if you met you?
So what is it that drives you the-bad-kind-of-crazy about guys? Check out my top picks.
A man who is completely clueless
OK, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But is it just me, or do they have some sort of neurological defect that makes them incapable of processing the blatantly obvious signals we send them? I've sometimes considered hiring a sky writer, but figured that wouldn't even get their attention either.
A man with a VERY limited vocabulary
Some advice: Guys, buy a dictionary and thesaurus. There's a whole world of new words out there - words you most likely can't even imagine - beyond the convenient yes, no and uh-huh. I'm getting increasingly irritated with their one-word or abbreviated-word answers.
A man susceptible to my blatant invisibility
No matter how many times a guy says my disability doesn't matter (not that I've even heard that, by the way), I can't help but feel like those are the emptiest words in the English language. It's so often so easy to say anything, but when push comes to shove, would they still act upon their word? That's a pretty tough question, if you ask me. And what's sadder is that it's a tough question.
A man who insists the fate of the world rests on the outcome of a video game
Yeah, I know the allure. I once felt like that too. When I was 10.
A man who is deeply, forever, eternally in love...with himself
I've known one too many of these types for my liking. They're the ultimate narcissist, and frankly, it's not a very pretty sight. They talk on and on about themselves and rarely, if ever, ask you anything about yourself. My psychological analysis is that they're desperately trying to overcompensate for some deep-seated insecurity; maybe they didn't get enough love as a child? Who knows. More importantly: I don't want to know, thank you.
xoxo,
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Jade
RE: The bad Crazy
DATE: September 10, 2009
Here's the elusive second part of our deep analysis. Yesterday, we discussed (the great things we love about guys).
But let's be honest here: There's stuff we just either don't understand or can't stand - sometimes both. Like the above photo says, you have to ask yourself: Would you like you if you met you?
So what is it that drives you the-bad-kind-of-crazy about guys? Check out my top picks.
A man who is completely clueless
OK, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But is it just me, or do they have some sort of neurological defect that makes them incapable of processing the blatantly obvious signals we send them? I've sometimes considered hiring a sky writer, but figured that wouldn't even get their attention either.
A man with a VERY limited vocabulary
Some advice: Guys, buy a dictionary and thesaurus. There's a whole world of new words out there - words you most likely can't even imagine - beyond the convenient yes, no and uh-huh. I'm getting increasingly irritated with their one-word or abbreviated-word answers.
A man susceptible to my blatant invisibility
No matter how many times a guy says my disability doesn't matter (not that I've even heard that, by the way), I can't help but feel like those are the emptiest words in the English language. It's so often so easy to say anything, but when push comes to shove, would they still act upon their word? That's a pretty tough question, if you ask me. And what's sadder is that it's a tough question.
A man who insists the fate of the world rests on the outcome of a video game
Yeah, I know the allure. I once felt like that too. When I was 10.
A man who is deeply, forever, eternally in love...with himself
I've known one too many of these types for my liking. They're the ultimate narcissist, and frankly, it's not a very pretty sight. They talk on and on about themselves and rarely, if ever, ask you anything about yourself. My psychological analysis is that they're desperately trying to overcompensate for some deep-seated insecurity; maybe they didn't get enough love as a child? Who knows. More importantly: I don't want to know, thank you.
xoxo,
The good crazy
MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Jade
RE: The Good Crazy
DATE: September 10, 2009
Newsflash: Men are like the annoying, yet loveable Rubik's Cube. They drive you crazy - insane, even - but it never stops you from wanting more. To master the male puzzle, if you will. And just like one of my favorite sitcoms, The Facts of Life, with guys, you take the good and you take the bad. So what drives you crazy in a good way about guys? Post your list and check out mine....look for the baaaad sort of crazy soon. That list is a whole different ball game.
A man with a guitar
I know. This is a hopeless cliche, but it gets me. Every. Damn. Time. You can bet that a guy who can sing the tunes is the feelings sort of guy, which makes him that much hotter in my book.
A man who is a bit of a rebel
I have this weird fantasy of being the Blair Waldorf to his Chuck Bass. And before you ask, no I am not the least bit ashamed about that. A rebel who has a heart of gold just drives me wild. Plain and simple.
A man who loves to laugh
A man who laughs is a man who isn't afraid to enjoy life - and not take everything so darn seriously. He is the sort of guy who wants to take you on an adventure with him. Take the case with me right now: I can, without fail, always count on Young Guns to make me smile and laugh, no matter how bad or stressed I feel.
A man who engages in the silent, awkward (yet utterly hot) eye contact
I've been noticing this happening to me a lot more lately. The first few times, I assumed it was because I'd spilled food or soda pop on my shirt again (that's been known to happen to me a time or two. But then I noticed my shirt was clean as a whistle, so I started looking back. Boy, am I glad I did.
xox
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Jade
RE: The Good Crazy
DATE: September 10, 2009
Newsflash: Men are like the annoying, yet loveable Rubik's Cube. They drive you crazy - insane, even - but it never stops you from wanting more. To master the male puzzle, if you will. And just like one of my favorite sitcoms, The Facts of Life, with guys, you take the good and you take the bad. So what drives you crazy in a good way about guys? Post your list and check out mine....look for the baaaad sort of crazy soon. That list is a whole different ball game.
A man with a guitar
I know. This is a hopeless cliche, but it gets me. Every. Damn. Time. You can bet that a guy who can sing the tunes is the feelings sort of guy, which makes him that much hotter in my book.
A man who is a bit of a rebel
I have this weird fantasy of being the Blair Waldorf to his Chuck Bass. And before you ask, no I am not the least bit ashamed about that. A rebel who has a heart of gold just drives me wild. Plain and simple.
A man who loves to laugh
A man who laughs is a man who isn't afraid to enjoy life - and not take everything so darn seriously. He is the sort of guy who wants to take you on an adventure with him. Take the case with me right now: I can, without fail, always count on Young Guns to make me smile and laugh, no matter how bad or stressed I feel.
A man who engages in the silent, awkward (yet utterly hot) eye contact
I've been noticing this happening to me a lot more lately. The first few times, I assumed it was because I'd spilled food or soda pop on my shirt again (that's been known to happen to me a time or two. But then I noticed my shirt was clean as a whistle, so I started looking back. Boy, am I glad I did.
xox
5 Reasons your first Love isn't your forever Love
Could've been so beautiful/Could've been so right/Could've been my lover every day of my life/Could've been so beautiful/Could've been so right/I'll never hold what could've been on a cold and lonely night...
Tiffany was a smart girl, don't you think so? Strangely (and sadly?), I have far too much long-term experience in this purgatory-like state of perpetual, endless limbo and pure torture - OK, not really pure torture, more like metaphorical torture (but couldn't that be worse sometimes?). It's painful enough trying to get over your first love if you two were actually together, but there's a silent majority (we sometimes cry ourselves to sleep on our pillows while others of us Google Voodoo Dolls; I don't do either of these. I promise) that's often overlooked. And of course, because I'm never one to go with the crowd (and that's a GOOD thing, make no mistake about it), I fall into that silent majority category. We're the lovelorn who are trying to get over that "could-have-been" relationship. And before all you literals get on your bandwagon (ironically, that bandwagon is probably a metaphorical one, although. who knows...maybe you do actually own a wagon) with your "Why should we feel sorry for yous" and your "HELLO, you were never actually in a relationships," let me just say this: Sometimes, usually most times, your heart doesn't know the difference. All it knows is that those pains it feels aren't from eating the DQ Blizzard you ordered to soothe your emotions. Because to you, whether crazy-in-love or just plain crazy about someone, what you felt was real - regardless if the other person even knew of the pivatol roll he played in things.
It Could Be Stopping Me From Finding My True Love
When I posed this question on twitter last week, someone immediately replied, saying "Because holding everyone to the standard of your first isn't fair; first-times are unique." I couldn't agree more. Whether you do it consciously or not, every post-first-love relationship (or, could-be relationship; let's not forget us in the silent minority, remember) will be measured against the yard stick of The First. Maybe he's a vegetarian (First Love made the best steaks on the grill). Maybe he is a tad too helpful (First Love saw your (read: me) independence despite your disability as empowering). I fully admit that I did - and still do this - on a conscious level. And maybe that yard stick isn't even a realistic one, which brings me to.....
The Reality Will Never Be As Good As The Fantasy
We have a tendency to put our first loves on a pedestal, as if they were the real-life David statue. The only problem with this is that we end up comparing (even the fantasy) to every subsequent guy, every subsequent relationship, every subsequent everything that has anything remotely to do with our quest for love. But we can't do that if we're comparing a human - a perfectly good human - to some unrealistic image we've created in our head. Sorry, but we're never going to find it. I can't stop thinking of what could be - how our life could be together, how he would one day come to his senses and sweep me off my feet, how we'll grow old together, sitting on the porch and sipping lemonade. Because, frankly, I'm sure that even that fantasy will turn sour in the end. And I don't want to be left with that bitter after taste. You can't change a person into who you want them to be, and it's not fair to measure him (yes, I think we all know who I'm talking about here) him to that image in my head - an image I spent 13 years crafting and tweaking to my liking. MY being the key word here. Because, eventually, we'd just both end up being miserable and resenting each other.
I'm never going to be able to be me - and be happy with being alone
It doesn't take much work to be single. I've been pulling the trick off effortlessly for many years now. What does take work is not trying to fight being single and learning to become comfortable with yourself - alone. You can't do that if you're chasing a hopeless fantasy. You may think you're running toward something, but really, you're just running away from yourself.
It's a slippery slope to rabbit-boiling (or butterfly-net) territory
I couldn't have been more than 10 years old when I saw that fatal movie, Fatal Attraction, and came to this realization: The line between remembering and obsessing is extremely thin and blurry when it comes to love. You don't want to be known as that woman because it's just like walking around with a giant bullseye plastered on your forehead. Trust me. It'll send all potential new loves scurring away - far, far away.
You're not the same person you were then
Believe it or not, that's a good thing. I'm not the same person at 27 that I was at 13. Life changes. People change, so just because it seemed so Stepford-y perfect back then doesn't mean it will automatically translate to those same rushes of feelings years later. That, I've found, only happens in Lifetime movies.
On second thought, maybe I should just take the advice of another twitterer: "You'll be ready for Prince Charming if you're over your first love. Or, the cute guy at the bar that wants to buy you a drink."
Good call, but can you make mine a root beer, please?
xox
Tiffany was a smart girl, don't you think so? Strangely (and sadly?), I have far too much long-term experience in this purgatory-like state of perpetual, endless limbo and pure torture - OK, not really pure torture, more like metaphorical torture (but couldn't that be worse sometimes?). It's painful enough trying to get over your first love if you two were actually together, but there's a silent majority (we sometimes cry ourselves to sleep on our pillows while others of us Google Voodoo Dolls; I don't do either of these. I promise) that's often overlooked. And of course, because I'm never one to go with the crowd (and that's a GOOD thing, make no mistake about it), I fall into that silent majority category. We're the lovelorn who are trying to get over that "could-have-been" relationship. And before all you literals get on your bandwagon (ironically, that bandwagon is probably a metaphorical one, although. who knows...maybe you do actually own a wagon) with your "Why should we feel sorry for yous" and your "HELLO, you were never actually in a relationships," let me just say this: Sometimes, usually most times, your heart doesn't know the difference. All it knows is that those pains it feels aren't from eating the DQ Blizzard you ordered to soothe your emotions. Because to you, whether crazy-in-love or just plain crazy about someone, what you felt was real - regardless if the other person even knew of the pivatol roll he played in things.
It Could Be Stopping Me From Finding My True Love
When I posed this question on twitter last week, someone immediately replied, saying "Because holding everyone to the standard of your first isn't fair; first-times are unique." I couldn't agree more. Whether you do it consciously or not, every post-first-love relationship (or, could-be relationship; let's not forget us in the silent minority, remember) will be measured against the yard stick of The First. Maybe he's a vegetarian (First Love made the best steaks on the grill). Maybe he is a tad too helpful (First Love saw your (read: me) independence despite your disability as empowering). I fully admit that I did - and still do this - on a conscious level. And maybe that yard stick isn't even a realistic one, which brings me to.....
The Reality Will Never Be As Good As The Fantasy
We have a tendency to put our first loves on a pedestal, as if they were the real-life David statue. The only problem with this is that we end up comparing (even the fantasy) to every subsequent guy, every subsequent relationship, every subsequent everything that has anything remotely to do with our quest for love. But we can't do that if we're comparing a human - a perfectly good human - to some unrealistic image we've created in our head. Sorry, but we're never going to find it. I can't stop thinking of what could be - how our life could be together, how he would one day come to his senses and sweep me off my feet, how we'll grow old together, sitting on the porch and sipping lemonade. Because, frankly, I'm sure that even that fantasy will turn sour in the end. And I don't want to be left with that bitter after taste. You can't change a person into who you want them to be, and it's not fair to measure him (yes, I think we all know who I'm talking about here) him to that image in my head - an image I spent 13 years crafting and tweaking to my liking. MY being the key word here. Because, eventually, we'd just both end up being miserable and resenting each other.
I'm never going to be able to be me - and be happy with being alone
It doesn't take much work to be single. I've been pulling the trick off effortlessly for many years now. What does take work is not trying to fight being single and learning to become comfortable with yourself - alone. You can't do that if you're chasing a hopeless fantasy. You may think you're running toward something, but really, you're just running away from yourself.
It's a slippery slope to rabbit-boiling (or butterfly-net) territory
I couldn't have been more than 10 years old when I saw that fatal movie, Fatal Attraction, and came to this realization: The line between remembering and obsessing is extremely thin and blurry when it comes to love. You don't want to be known as that woman because it's just like walking around with a giant bullseye plastered on your forehead. Trust me. It'll send all potential new loves scurring away - far, far away.
You're not the same person you were then
Believe it or not, that's a good thing. I'm not the same person at 27 that I was at 13. Life changes. People change, so just because it seemed so Stepford-y perfect back then doesn't mean it will automatically translate to those same rushes of feelings years later. That, I've found, only happens in Lifetime movies.
On second thought, maybe I should just take the advice of another twitterer: "You'll be ready for Prince Charming if you're over your first love. Or, the cute guy at the bar that wants to buy you a drink."
Good call, but can you make mine a root beer, please?
xox
Memo to Men :)
Two words: Mind Dating.
First, yes, this is a term I've coined myself. Oh, I've mastered this one down to an art. Dinner. Dancing. Walks through the Park. Carriage rides. Cuddles on sky-high ferris wheels. The whole kit and kaboodle. And ironically, every date was perfect. The guy didn't even flinch when I extended my hand instead of my lips for my trademark goodnight handshake.
What can I say? I've never been the sort of girl guys wrote love letters to, or sent roses to or passed a note to during a boring English class, when during said passing, you glance at his eyes and swear you see stars sparkling in them. True, all this happened in my head (so many times, frankly, that I just had to tell myself one day, "OK, no more lame fantasies." But still, in my mind, I can have any date I want - the date of my dreams, actually, man of my dreams included.
So you know what? I think it's about time you stepped up your game a little. After all. I've written countless songs-with-no-melody for you. I've even dedicated an entire category to you in the big blogosphere (I figure that's the '50s equivalent of saying "He's my steady,") so I don't think it's such a bad thing that I ask for a little something in return. And no, of course I'm not talking about that something. What do you think I am? A delicious piece of juicy meat?
I, for one, can't wait to see what you come up with. Hopefully, a lifetime of things. Until we meet...
xoxo,
First, yes, this is a term I've coined myself. Oh, I've mastered this one down to an art. Dinner. Dancing. Walks through the Park. Carriage rides. Cuddles on sky-high ferris wheels. The whole kit and kaboodle. And ironically, every date was perfect. The guy didn't even flinch when I extended my hand instead of my lips for my trademark goodnight handshake.
What can I say? I've never been the sort of girl guys wrote love letters to, or sent roses to or passed a note to during a boring English class, when during said passing, you glance at his eyes and swear you see stars sparkling in them. True, all this happened in my head (so many times, frankly, that I just had to tell myself one day, "OK, no more lame fantasies." But still, in my mind, I can have any date I want - the date of my dreams, actually, man of my dreams included.
So you know what? I think it's about time you stepped up your game a little. After all. I've written countless songs-with-no-melody for you. I've even dedicated an entire category to you in the big blogosphere (I figure that's the '50s equivalent of saying "He's my steady,") so I don't think it's such a bad thing that I ask for a little something in return. And no, of course I'm not talking about that something. What do you think I am? A delicious piece of juicy meat?
I, for one, can't wait to see what you come up with. Hopefully, a lifetime of things. Until we meet...
xoxo,
Mountain
I am a mountain.
I am a tall tree.
Oh I am a swif wind sweeping the country.
I am river down in the valley.
Oh I am a vision, I can see clearly.
If any one asks you who I am just stand up tall look them in the face and say..
I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it, Im the worlds greatest
I'm that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope I can feel it, mm
I'm the worlds greatest.
I am a giant.
I am a egale.
Oh I am a lion down in the jungle
I am a marching band
I am the people
I am heavin head
I am a hero
If any one asks you who I am just stand up tall look them in the face and say..
I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it, Im the worlds greatest
I'm that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope I can feel it.
I'm the worlds greatest.
I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it, Im the worlds greatest
I'm that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope
I can feel it, I'm the worlds greatest. Ohh..
I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it, I'm the worlds greatest
Im that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope
I can feel it, I'm the worlds greatest.
Im that star up in the sky
Im that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it, I'm the worlds greatest
Im that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope
I can feel it, I'm the worlds greatest.
I am a tall tree.
Oh I am a swif wind sweeping the country.
I am river down in the valley.
Oh I am a vision, I can see clearly.
If any one asks you who I am just stand up tall look them in the face and say..
I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it, Im the worlds greatest
I'm that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope I can feel it, mm
I'm the worlds greatest.
I am a giant.
I am a egale.
Oh I am a lion down in the jungle
I am a marching band
I am the people
I am heavin head
I am a hero
If any one asks you who I am just stand up tall look them in the face and say..
I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it, Im the worlds greatest
I'm that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope I can feel it.
I'm the worlds greatest.
I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it, Im the worlds greatest
I'm that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope
I can feel it, I'm the worlds greatest. Ohh..
I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it, I'm the worlds greatest
Im that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope
I can feel it, I'm the worlds greatest.
Im that star up in the sky
Im that moutain deep up high.
Hey you made it, I'm the worlds greatest
Im that little bit of hope in my backs against the rope
I can feel it, I'm the worlds greatest.
You too
They ask me what I see in you,
I smile look down and say nothing,
Because I don't wan't
them to fall in love with you too ♥
I smile look down and say nothing,
Because I don't wan't
them to fall in love with you too ♥
Happy
Being happy doesnt mean everything is okay, it just means you've decided to see things beyond lifes imperfections.
Your Memory
'Although you cant be here by my side, I feel you near me, when I close my eyes. so I wont let your memory come to an end, because when i said forever, thats just what I meant.'
Life
I look at life to be the most weariest thing on the planet, it can create life just like that then take it away as easily its scary.
I have learnt so much in this short time that I have been on this earth, I have learnt to let friendships go to love someone and let them inside to miss that one person you will never get back!
But no matter how hard it gets you should always try your hard to keep your head up and look for the good in the situation that your in.
A person once told me, what happens to you happens for a reason because you where born to be that strong and you can accomplish anything that you put your mind too in life, so no matter what don't hang onto the past look forwards the future where something good will lie.
I have learnt so much in this short time that I have been on this earth, I have learnt to let friendships go to love someone and let them inside to miss that one person you will never get back!
But no matter how hard it gets you should always try your hard to keep your head up and look for the good in the situation that your in.
A person once told me, what happens to you happens for a reason because you where born to be that strong and you can accomplish anything that you put your mind too in life, so no matter what don't hang onto the past look forwards the future where something good will lie.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
me
i go by jade.
i'm fifteen, so not a kid, not an adult.
I attend a private school, it's a pretty mad and i've met some real keepers there.
I am one of those people who be's myself no matter who's watching.
I live in the suburbs and cannot stand people who think they're better than me because they live somewhere better.
I am single, and looks like it's gonna be that way for a while.
My feelings get hurt pretty easily although I don't usually show it, & I am obsessive over the small things.
I cannot go a single day without listening to music, it's just magical.
I have my best friends, I don't need anymore, they do the trick (:
I don't look like Australia's next top model, and I really don't care. People obsess over looks to much, too often. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, just people usually look but never see.
I'm not happy all the time, & it drives me nuts those people who say they always have a smile on their face and laugh at everything, nobody is actually like that.
My friends, you all mean a great deal to me.
I really like getting compliments however most the time i'll tell you your crazy or wrong.
I want to do well in life, and I am going to work my hardest to pursue what I want to do with my life. I have plenty of people telling me I can't do it already.
Just wait and see!
I always get mixed up with what I want from what I need.
Well, i'd appreciate if you didn't make judgements on me until you've actually gotten to know me, but right now I have a lot going on in my life. I don't know how long it will take for me to sort it out, i really just need my superman to pick me up and throw me over his shoulder.
i'm fifteen, so not a kid, not an adult.
I attend a private school, it's a pretty mad and i've met some real keepers there.
I am one of those people who be's myself no matter who's watching.
I live in the suburbs and cannot stand people who think they're better than me because they live somewhere better.
I am single, and looks like it's gonna be that way for a while.
My feelings get hurt pretty easily although I don't usually show it, & I am obsessive over the small things.
I cannot go a single day without listening to music, it's just magical.
I have my best friends, I don't need anymore, they do the trick (:
I don't look like Australia's next top model, and I really don't care. People obsess over looks to much, too often. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, just people usually look but never see.
I'm not happy all the time, & it drives me nuts those people who say they always have a smile on their face and laugh at everything, nobody is actually like that.
My friends, you all mean a great deal to me.
I really like getting compliments however most the time i'll tell you your crazy or wrong.
I want to do well in life, and I am going to work my hardest to pursue what I want to do with my life. I have plenty of people telling me I can't do it already.
Just wait and see!
I always get mixed up with what I want from what I need.
Well, i'd appreciate if you didn't make judgements on me until you've actually gotten to know me, but right now I have a lot going on in my life. I don't know how long it will take for me to sort it out, i really just need my superman to pick me up and throw me over his shoulder.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Weekend Planning
Today's 5 Things for the weekend!
1. Create some art, do some drawings. Go for a walk one day and take a small pad with you, find a nice place and sketch away, you'll be surprised at how peaceful this is and amazed at what you may achieve! If you can't go for a walk, draw your pet, something on your desk or even a self portrait and try not to be too precise, sometimes the best drawings are those which have only taken 10 minutes!
2. Going to the Nursery Sometimes When I do this as it's really peaceful. All the beautiful plants and pretty items in the center delight me to no end. Some of them have small cute animals also!
3. Listen to the radio. I do this often, try a new station or an internet cast from a different country. It's nice to have it on in the background while working, cooking, playing or just relaxing.
4. Plan a Melbourne Trip. And I think I'm pretend you're a tourist! I'll take pictures of everything and I think I will be amazed at how much more interesting it can be if you think of it from an outsiders point of view.
5. Kiss something in a silly way! It's an instant heart lifter and makes me feel all cute and giggly after.
1. Create some art, do some drawings. Go for a walk one day and take a small pad with you, find a nice place and sketch away, you'll be surprised at how peaceful this is and amazed at what you may achieve! If you can't go for a walk, draw your pet, something on your desk or even a self portrait and try not to be too precise, sometimes the best drawings are those which have only taken 10 minutes!
2. Going to the Nursery Sometimes When I do this as it's really peaceful. All the beautiful plants and pretty items in the center delight me to no end. Some of them have small cute animals also!
3. Listen to the radio. I do this often, try a new station or an internet cast from a different country. It's nice to have it on in the background while working, cooking, playing or just relaxing.
4. Plan a Melbourne Trip. And I think I'm pretend you're a tourist! I'll take pictures of everything and I think I will be amazed at how much more interesting it can be if you think of it from an outsiders point of view.
5. Kiss something in a silly way! It's an instant heart lifter and makes me feel all cute and giggly after.
Inspiration for tomorrow
"I figure what's the worst that could happen? I could fail. I've done that."
-Cher
"The thing about happiness is that it doesn't help you to grow; only unhappiness does that. So I'm grateful that my bed of roses was made up equally of blossoms and thorns."
-Lana Turner
"Halfway ambition can be a dangerous thing. If you've a burning desire to be something, do something."
-Jeanette MacDonald
-Cher
"The thing about happiness is that it doesn't help you to grow; only unhappiness does that. So I'm grateful that my bed of roses was made up equally of blossoms and thorns."
-Lana Turner
"Halfway ambition can be a dangerous thing. If you've a burning desire to be something, do something."
-Jeanette MacDonald
How to love yourself
Go get a notebook and fill a page with reasons you are an amazing person. I'm not kidding, when you finish, you'll be thrilled to be you. I did this recently when I was feeling down and felt a million times better when I was done. If you get stuck, write down something silly. Just keep writing until that page is full! I don't care if your list is silly or serious, just do it.
My list has a little bit of everything. Here are some examples:
I learn romance languages easily.
I'm dedicated to things I care about.
I like my handwriting.
My new glasses are cute.
I have strong morals and live by them.
If you finish one page and still aren't very happy with yourself, keep writing! Go until you're happy. Also, if you finish a page and are still coming up with reasons you love yourself, by all means write those down too.
Now whenever you're feeling blue about yourself, open your notebook, read your list and get back to being your own number one fan!
My list has a little bit of everything. Here are some examples:
I learn romance languages easily.
I'm dedicated to things I care about.
I like my handwriting.
My new glasses are cute.
I have strong morals and live by them.
If you finish one page and still aren't very happy with yourself, keep writing! Go until you're happy. Also, if you finish a page and are still coming up with reasons you love yourself, by all means write those down too.
Now whenever you're feeling blue about yourself, open your notebook, read your list and get back to being your own number one fan!
The story of us
I wrote this thinking about some of the friends I've grown apart from over the years. When you're young, you think everything will stay the way it is forever, and then one day, you wake up, and that security blanket you had in them is gone.
My best friend
That's who you were back then
In the golden days of summer and red leaves of fall
Life threw us changes and now it feels like everything's rearranging
Wish I could go back to the good old days
When we were so small
You were standing by my side
I was telling you a secret 'cuz I knew you'd keep it
When I needed a reason, you helped me believe it
Those times the tears rolled down our cheeks from laughing, we knew we were catching on to something
You're such a big part of who I turned out to be
It all adds up
It all adds up
To the story of us
You feel so far away
I can tell by the look on your face
So I try to bridge this distance
But it doesn't seem to make any difference
I wonder if you miss me too
You were standing by my side
I was telling you a secret 'cuz I knew you'd keep it
When I needed a reason, you helped me believe it
Those times the tears rolled down our cheeks from laughing, we knew we were catching on to something
You're such a big part of who I turned out to be
It all adds up
It all adds up
To the story of us
No matter how hard I try, I can't remember a time when I didn't miss you or didn't wish you...
You were standing by my side
I was telling you a secret 'cuz I knew you'd keep it
When I needed a reason, you helped me believe it
Those times the tears rolled down our cheeks from laughing, we knew we were catching on to something
You're such a big part of who I turned out to be
It all adds up
It all adds up
To the story of us
You were standing by my side
I was telling you a secret 'cuz I knew you'd keep it
When I needed a reason, you helped me believe it
Those times the tears rolled down our cheeks from laughing, we knew we were catching on to something
You're such a big part of who I turned out to be
It all adds up
It all adds up
To the story of us
My best friend
That's who you were back then
In the golden days of summer and red leaves of fall
Life threw us changes and now it feels like everything's rearranging
Wish I could go back to the good old days
When we were so small
You were standing by my side
I was telling you a secret 'cuz I knew you'd keep it
When I needed a reason, you helped me believe it
Those times the tears rolled down our cheeks from laughing, we knew we were catching on to something
You're such a big part of who I turned out to be
It all adds up
It all adds up
To the story of us
You feel so far away
I can tell by the look on your face
So I try to bridge this distance
But it doesn't seem to make any difference
I wonder if you miss me too
You were standing by my side
I was telling you a secret 'cuz I knew you'd keep it
When I needed a reason, you helped me believe it
Those times the tears rolled down our cheeks from laughing, we knew we were catching on to something
You're such a big part of who I turned out to be
It all adds up
It all adds up
To the story of us
No matter how hard I try, I can't remember a time when I didn't miss you or didn't wish you...
You were standing by my side
I was telling you a secret 'cuz I knew you'd keep it
When I needed a reason, you helped me believe it
Those times the tears rolled down our cheeks from laughing, we knew we were catching on to something
You're such a big part of who I turned out to be
It all adds up
It all adds up
To the story of us
You were standing by my side
I was telling you a secret 'cuz I knew you'd keep it
When I needed a reason, you helped me believe it
Those times the tears rolled down our cheeks from laughing, we knew we were catching on to something
You're such a big part of who I turned out to be
It all adds up
It all adds up
To the story of us
Long Distance Love
1). Accept Change
Your relationship is going to be different than it was when you were together. Not necessarily, a “bad” different, but be flexible and open to change, for it is inevitable.
2). Recognize That Communication is Key
This is true even when your sweetie is close to you, but holds an irreplaceable importance when you are far apart. Don’t keep any relationship problems you’re having to yourself. The sooner the issue is resolved, the less resentment you will build toward your boyfriend/girlfriend. I’ve told the boy that “our whole relationship is based on communication now.” People these days are busy, whether it’s working from the office, running errands, or maintaining an active social life. No one has the time or patience to sit by the phone waiting for their call with bated breath. That being said...
3). Set Up a Schedule
Sure, spontaneity is romantic, but with the aforementioned busy schedules, a couple really needs to have a time period to sit down and talk for at least an hour. And just to make the separation a little more bearable, I suggest getting a web-chat account with Skype or iChat. Make sure that time is YOUR time. Sit in a quiet place and focus, really LISTEN to each other. And when you are not talking to each other, send cute little texts during your lunch break to let the significant other know that they aren’t very far from your mind.
4). Surprises are the best ever
Talking every day becomes kind of habitual, and can feel like a chore sometimes, and also just saying “I love you,” doesn’t really compare to actually showing it. Send a bouquet of Lilies of the Valley, write a heartfelt love note snail-mail style or leave a singing telegram in their voicemail. Maybe a sexy text message or email…why not? Do fun, light-hearted things that break you from your norm and send a really strong message.
I’m not an expert. I feel funny giving advice, because I feel like readers are glaring at me through the computer screen going “What in the hell do you know about anything?” Not much, really. But I’m in the middle of this situation, and I feel it’s therapeutic for me to share my feelings and a few things that I have learned.
Your relationship is going to be different than it was when you were together. Not necessarily, a “bad” different, but be flexible and open to change, for it is inevitable.
2). Recognize That Communication is Key
This is true even when your sweetie is close to you, but holds an irreplaceable importance when you are far apart. Don’t keep any relationship problems you’re having to yourself. The sooner the issue is resolved, the less resentment you will build toward your boyfriend/girlfriend. I’ve told the boy that “our whole relationship is based on communication now.” People these days are busy, whether it’s working from the office, running errands, or maintaining an active social life. No one has the time or patience to sit by the phone waiting for their call with bated breath. That being said...
3). Set Up a Schedule
Sure, spontaneity is romantic, but with the aforementioned busy schedules, a couple really needs to have a time period to sit down and talk for at least an hour. And just to make the separation a little more bearable, I suggest getting a web-chat account with Skype or iChat. Make sure that time is YOUR time. Sit in a quiet place and focus, really LISTEN to each other. And when you are not talking to each other, send cute little texts during your lunch break to let the significant other know that they aren’t very far from your mind.
4). Surprises are the best ever
Talking every day becomes kind of habitual, and can feel like a chore sometimes, and also just saying “I love you,” doesn’t really compare to actually showing it. Send a bouquet of Lilies of the Valley, write a heartfelt love note snail-mail style or leave a singing telegram in their voicemail. Maybe a sexy text message or email…why not? Do fun, light-hearted things that break you from your norm and send a really strong message.
I’m not an expert. I feel funny giving advice, because I feel like readers are glaring at me through the computer screen going “What in the hell do you know about anything?” Not much, really. But I’m in the middle of this situation, and I feel it’s therapeutic for me to share my feelings and a few things that I have learned.
Am I rational?
They say clarity comes with walking. I've never believed any of that. In fact, I scoffed at those people whose constant refrain was “I need to get out there and clear my head.”
Were they magically going to find hidden treasure beneath a lonely tree stump or beside a 3-year-old's tricycle?
Of course not. It was all pure nonsense in my book.
Until I became one of those people. For the last few months, I've been taking it to the streets, seemingly walking here, there and everywhere. I just casually slid into the routine like a hand slips into an inviting glove.
It just fit - and felt - right.
I didn't even realize this musing with nature had any affect on me until one Saturday morning pow wow with my therapist. I found myself on another one of my rants bemoaning my state as a rational person.
“I'm so out of touch with my emotions,” I concluded.
“Is that working?” he asked, shooting me a look of pure skepticism.
I suppose that was his way of saying he disagreed.
“Well, you certainly can't be both,” I retorted. “What would that even look like?”
Then, like any trained therapist would, he asked why I clung so tightly to all things rational and felt that the rational route was the speediest, most efficient highway. After all, it didn't seem like I was getting anywhere. I kept driving, but the second I'd start to close in on my destination, the bright flag at the finish line would inch a little into the distance. And inch a little more. And a little farther still until it disappeared behind a giant hill covered with a mess of trees. There was no logical - see, rational thinking strikes again - way I was going to catch up to that flag.
I couldn't make it up the hill. But that didn't stop me from imagining. Imagining. And Imagining.
Is it really possible to be both? Can you be at one with your rational side and still give attention to your emotional side? And how will you know when you've found the right balance
Were they magically going to find hidden treasure beneath a lonely tree stump or beside a 3-year-old's tricycle?
Of course not. It was all pure nonsense in my book.
Until I became one of those people. For the last few months, I've been taking it to the streets, seemingly walking here, there and everywhere. I just casually slid into the routine like a hand slips into an inviting glove.
It just fit - and felt - right.
I didn't even realize this musing with nature had any affect on me until one Saturday morning pow wow with my therapist. I found myself on another one of my rants bemoaning my state as a rational person.
“I'm so out of touch with my emotions,” I concluded.
“Is that working?” he asked, shooting me a look of pure skepticism.
I suppose that was his way of saying he disagreed.
“Well, you certainly can't be both,” I retorted. “What would that even look like?”
Then, like any trained therapist would, he asked why I clung so tightly to all things rational and felt that the rational route was the speediest, most efficient highway. After all, it didn't seem like I was getting anywhere. I kept driving, but the second I'd start to close in on my destination, the bright flag at the finish line would inch a little into the distance. And inch a little more. And a little farther still until it disappeared behind a giant hill covered with a mess of trees. There was no logical - see, rational thinking strikes again - way I was going to catch up to that flag.
I couldn't make it up the hill. But that didn't stop me from imagining. Imagining. And Imagining.
Is it really possible to be both? Can you be at one with your rational side and still give attention to your emotional side? And how will you know when you've found the right balance
Unscripted
This is the kind of love I want. Don't you ever feel like you just want that fairytale to sweep you off your feet? Or better yet, don't you want to shut off your brain? I honestly don't know where this Lyrical Gangster thing is coming from lately....
Seeing you in your rugged jeans
Always makes me smile
And everytime you have to leave
I wish you'd stay awhile
'Cause a fire this bright
Might someday burn down to a flickering light
What's the point in thinking too much?
Seems I've already done that enough
It's a love that's undefined, unrestrained, but that's alright
Normal's not that great anyway
Just being here with you, under the summer moom
It's a love that's uncomplicated, imperfect
It's love, unscripted
I'm the girl who used to have a rule for everything
But something in you brings out the best in me
You make me laugh
I find myself saying words I don't want to take back
How did you finally get me believing
That not everything in life needs a reason?
What's the point in thinking too much?
Seems I've already done that enough
It's a love that's undefined, unrestrained, but that's alright
Normal's not that great anyway
Just being here with you, under the summer moom
It's a love that's uncomplicated, imperfect
It's the thrill of the unexpected
It's love, unscripted
Riding in the car with you on a Sunday afternoon
It's just so easy to do
Everything I've ever dreamed of
I want to do it all with you
What's the point in thinking too much?
Seems I've already done that enough
It's a love that's undefined, unrestrained, but that's alright
Normal's not that great anyway
Just being here with you, under the summer moom
It's a love that's uncomplicated, imperfect
It's the thrill of the unexpected
It's love, unscripted
Don't say a word
Let's just love ourselves in each other
Forever, in love, unscripted...
Seeing you in your rugged jeans
Always makes me smile
And everytime you have to leave
I wish you'd stay awhile
'Cause a fire this bright
Might someday burn down to a flickering light
What's the point in thinking too much?
Seems I've already done that enough
It's a love that's undefined, unrestrained, but that's alright
Normal's not that great anyway
Just being here with you, under the summer moom
It's a love that's uncomplicated, imperfect
It's love, unscripted
I'm the girl who used to have a rule for everything
But something in you brings out the best in me
You make me laugh
I find myself saying words I don't want to take back
How did you finally get me believing
That not everything in life needs a reason?
What's the point in thinking too much?
Seems I've already done that enough
It's a love that's undefined, unrestrained, but that's alright
Normal's not that great anyway
Just being here with you, under the summer moom
It's a love that's uncomplicated, imperfect
It's the thrill of the unexpected
It's love, unscripted
Riding in the car with you on a Sunday afternoon
It's just so easy to do
Everything I've ever dreamed of
I want to do it all with you
What's the point in thinking too much?
Seems I've already done that enough
It's a love that's undefined, unrestrained, but that's alright
Normal's not that great anyway
Just being here with you, under the summer moom
It's a love that's uncomplicated, imperfect
It's the thrill of the unexpected
It's love, unscripted
Don't say a word
Let's just love ourselves in each other
Forever, in love, unscripted...
Say Hey
I honestly can't explain where this new form of creative energy is coming from. As I've said before, I'm not a poet, not even a songwriter. Yet I've drafted another one of these...
I've seen the way you look into her eyes
The moment she steps into the room
She's one of those lucky girls
'cause she gets all of you
I watch you walk away into the setting sun
Wishing you were holding my hand instead of hers
You look back and I smile, but all the while
I wonder...
Of all the things I want to say
Could you ever think of me that way?
'cause in your eyes I see the stars
You've lit this fire in my heart
I'm the flame and you're the spark
You've got me smiling when you're around
I'm wondering if you see it too
All these things I'd say to you
But instead, I just say hey
You walked me home in the pouring rain
Telling me the list of things you love about her
It's funny to think that could be me
Does she know she's your whole world?
What if I said you've captured my soul
And I just wanted you to know
I've said these same lines over and over
Still I'm left to wonder...
Of all the things I want to say
Could you ever think of me that way?
'cause in your eyes I see the stars
You've lit this fire in my heart
I'm the flame and you're the spark
You've got me smiling when you're around
I'm wondering if you see it too
All these things I'd say to you
But instead, I just say hey
All the things I hide from you
Everything I want to say
It's everything I wish you knew
But instead I just say hey
Of all the things I want to say
Could you ever think of me that way?
'cause in your eyes I see the stars
You've lit this fire in my heart
I'm the flame and you're the spark
You've got me smiling when you're around
I'm wondering if you see it too
All these things I'd say to you
But instead, I just say hey
So I watch you live out my dreams with someone else
Wishing I could tell you how I felt
Maybe someday
So until then, I'll just say hey...
I've seen the way you look into her eyes
The moment she steps into the room
She's one of those lucky girls
'cause she gets all of you
I watch you walk away into the setting sun
Wishing you were holding my hand instead of hers
You look back and I smile, but all the while
I wonder...
Of all the things I want to say
Could you ever think of me that way?
'cause in your eyes I see the stars
You've lit this fire in my heart
I'm the flame and you're the spark
You've got me smiling when you're around
I'm wondering if you see it too
All these things I'd say to you
But instead, I just say hey
You walked me home in the pouring rain
Telling me the list of things you love about her
It's funny to think that could be me
Does she know she's your whole world?
What if I said you've captured my soul
And I just wanted you to know
I've said these same lines over and over
Still I'm left to wonder...
Of all the things I want to say
Could you ever think of me that way?
'cause in your eyes I see the stars
You've lit this fire in my heart
I'm the flame and you're the spark
You've got me smiling when you're around
I'm wondering if you see it too
All these things I'd say to you
But instead, I just say hey
All the things I hide from you
Everything I want to say
It's everything I wish you knew
But instead I just say hey
Of all the things I want to say
Could you ever think of me that way?
'cause in your eyes I see the stars
You've lit this fire in my heart
I'm the flame and you're the spark
You've got me smiling when you're around
I'm wondering if you see it too
All these things I'd say to you
But instead, I just say hey
So I watch you live out my dreams with someone else
Wishing I could tell you how I felt
Maybe someday
So until then, I'll just say hey...
Commandments for Jordan
I DESERVE...
(Jordie this is for youuuu :))
1. To be viewed as a woman first.
2. To be desired, and not viewed as a grotesque freak.
3. To be respected for my strength and independence, and not pitied for my limitations.
4. To NEVER, EVER sacrifice who I am in the name of some guy.
5. To feel the thrill and rush of the first kiss.
6. To feel the safety of his arms and know things are exactly as they should be.
7. To have the hottest sex ever. Brain sex, that is. Interlectual Intelligence is such a win, :)
8. To feel like he wants to know me - that he cares about my life, about what I have to say and finds me utterly fascinating that he'll be rendered speechless.
9. To get to know him so well that the words, words I may never have had the courage to say to anyone else, escape easily from my lips. And I wouldn't be afraid of the outcome, either.
10. To wake up every morning right next to him, well see him at school.
11. To blush and smile after saying "I love you" for the first time.
12. To love the reality more than the fantasy.
(Jordie this is for youuuu :))
1. To be viewed as a woman first.
2. To be desired, and not viewed as a grotesque freak.
3. To be respected for my strength and independence, and not pitied for my limitations.
4. To NEVER, EVER sacrifice who I am in the name of some guy.
5. To feel the thrill and rush of the first kiss.
6. To feel the safety of his arms and know things are exactly as they should be.
7. To have the hottest sex ever. Brain sex, that is. Interlectual Intelligence is such a win, :)
8. To feel like he wants to know me - that he cares about my life, about what I have to say and finds me utterly fascinating that he'll be rendered speechless.
9. To get to know him so well that the words, words I may never have had the courage to say to anyone else, escape easily from my lips. And I wouldn't be afraid of the outcome, either.
10. To wake up every morning right next to him, well see him at school.
11. To blush and smile after saying "I love you" for the first time.
12. To love the reality more than the fantasy.
Love Quotes
I love quotes about love, probably a bit too much some people might say. Here are some of my favorites, and of course I added my favorite love quotes from Frasier at the end. Did you know Frasier is my all-time favorite show? It doesn't get much better than Frasier and Niles Crane, does it?
"It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
"If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was."
"Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?"
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell."
"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
"Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important."
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
"Love: Two minds without a single thought."
"Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love."
"Love: The irresistable desire to be irresistibly desired."
"Love is an awesome force. It can make us do things we never imagined possible. For you see, we don't actually choose love, it chooses us. And once it has, we are powerless to do anything about it. "
"I was up to all hours of the night competing with Daphne to see which of us had the more pathetic love life. On the bright side, I won."
"Dad, she's not a weirdo, she's just a woman who finds me utterly fascinating."
"One minute we were negotiating, the next minute our inhibitions were shattered, along with my kneecap and her Macintosh Powerbook."
"It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
"If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was."
"Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?"
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell."
"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."
"Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important."
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
"Love: Two minds without a single thought."
"Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love."
"Love: The irresistable desire to be irresistibly desired."
"Love is an awesome force. It can make us do things we never imagined possible. For you see, we don't actually choose love, it chooses us. And once it has, we are powerless to do anything about it. "
"I was up to all hours of the night competing with Daphne to see which of us had the more pathetic love life. On the bright side, I won."
"Dad, she's not a weirdo, she's just a woman who finds me utterly fascinating."
"One minute we were negotiating, the next minute our inhibitions were shattered, along with my kneecap and her Macintosh Powerbook."
He's the best friend?
Let’s face it: friendships with your girls can be hard. There’s so much drama, tears and plenty of backstabbing. You love your BFFs, but sometimes it just becomes all too much. You need a little R&R from your crew. That’s where he comes in – your best guy friend, who always seems to ‘get it’ even before you say a word, who always manages to make you laugh when all you want to do is cry and who always has the latest scoop on your favorite bands.
While girlfriends are there for life, guys can be your perfect pals too! And just like your girl BFFs, your guy BFFs are all special in their own ways. That’s why you have to look no further, so read on for the six great guy buds all girls need in their life.
The Guy Guide
Think of this guy as your personal Love Guru, your own private sneak peek into the innerworkings of the guy brain. Why are guys SO into sports and video games? Don’t they ever get tired of drooling over that blonde lifeguard? What was that dude in your math class thinking when he signed your yearbook with XOXO? Guys know what other guys are thinking, their motives and their desires, so think of your guy bud as your own private guide through that mysterious man maze. He’ll make all those questions seem like easy answers! You may even be able to return the favor by helping him with his own woman woes. Who knows the woman mind better than you do, chica? No one, that’s for sure!
The Big Brother
He’s always got your back – not in a “I want to be your boyfriend” sort of way – and looks out for you. He lets you cry on his shoulder, have long chats and (gasp) loves hang ing out at the mall instead of sweating on the basketball field. You feel totally comfortable around him Best of all, he doesn’t find you the least bit dorky like your actual older brother.
The Complete Comedian
He’s the ultimate class clown. He’s funny. He’s hilarious. He’s the one who loves to crack jokes and even make funny faces! You can count on him to bring a smile to your face any time you’re down, whether you’re stressed with school or can’t stand your nosy little brother. One of his jokes, and BOOM, your mind is instantly off your troubles. There’s no doubt about it – with him, laughter is definitely the best medicine.
The Cute Geek
He’s quiet. He’s introspective. And he always has the latest 411 on all the coolest, newest tech gadgets. Remember Seth Cohen from The OC? He was the shy geek with a heart of gold. This guy will always be there, and he’ll always have an ear ready to listen to you. It’s like your own private therapist. Plus, you’ll both have fun spending hours playing those cool video games. Guitar Hero, anyone?
I must say.
One of my bestfriends is a male.
Like my best friend who I tell everything to.
I have a few actually.
But yeah Men as friends = GOOD
Haha :)
Love you male friend Josh
While girlfriends are there for life, guys can be your perfect pals too! And just like your girl BFFs, your guy BFFs are all special in their own ways. That’s why you have to look no further, so read on for the six great guy buds all girls need in their life.
The Guy Guide
Think of this guy as your personal Love Guru, your own private sneak peek into the innerworkings of the guy brain. Why are guys SO into sports and video games? Don’t they ever get tired of drooling over that blonde lifeguard? What was that dude in your math class thinking when he signed your yearbook with XOXO? Guys know what other guys are thinking, their motives and their desires, so think of your guy bud as your own private guide through that mysterious man maze. He’ll make all those questions seem like easy answers! You may even be able to return the favor by helping him with his own woman woes. Who knows the woman mind better than you do, chica? No one, that’s for sure!
The Big Brother
He’s always got your back – not in a “I want to be your boyfriend” sort of way – and looks out for you. He lets you cry on his shoulder, have long chats and (gasp) loves hang ing out at the mall instead of sweating on the basketball field. You feel totally comfortable around him Best of all, he doesn’t find you the least bit dorky like your actual older brother.
The Complete Comedian
He’s the ultimate class clown. He’s funny. He’s hilarious. He’s the one who loves to crack jokes and even make funny faces! You can count on him to bring a smile to your face any time you’re down, whether you’re stressed with school or can’t stand your nosy little brother. One of his jokes, and BOOM, your mind is instantly off your troubles. There’s no doubt about it – with him, laughter is definitely the best medicine.
The Cute Geek
He’s quiet. He’s introspective. And he always has the latest 411 on all the coolest, newest tech gadgets. Remember Seth Cohen from The OC? He was the shy geek with a heart of gold. This guy will always be there, and he’ll always have an ear ready to listen to you. It’s like your own private therapist. Plus, you’ll both have fun spending hours playing those cool video games. Guitar Hero, anyone?
I must say.
One of my bestfriends is a male.
Like my best friend who I tell everything to.
I have a few actually.
But yeah Men as friends = GOOD
Haha :)
Love you male friend Josh
Girl + Boy = Friendship only?
Pop quiz: Have you ever asked yourself that age-old question, “Can guys and girls really just be friends?” The answer: Of course they can! If you’ve noticed your circle of friends has been heavy on the girl BFFs lately, a guy pal may be just the right thing to even things out. And guess what? Making guy friends is a whole lot easier and much less scary than you think. From the guy in your math class to the guy next door, the opportunities are endless. By tapping into your own awesome personality and killer interests, a guy pal could already be right under your nose. Follow these tips and watch the friendship sparks fly!
THE BRAINY BOOKWORM: You love curling up on the couch on a rainy Saturday with a good book. Your favorite books let you escape to different worlds, and your friends can usually find you with a book in your hand – or your nose in one!
Guy Pal Hot Spot -> Why not head to the library (again!) or local bookstore? Chances are, your newest book buddy could be looking for the newest Harry Potter book just like you. Or, go ahead and chat up the dude sitting behind you in English class. Ask him what he thinks of the book the class is reading. Pretty soon, you two could be LOLing about your teacher’s crazy outfits!
THE CREATIVE CHICA: Your imagination and the arts are your true passion – you love everything from movies and music to classic French paintings. On any given day, you could be found painting your latest masterpiece or writing your own song! The only problem? You seem to be alone in your love of all things artsy and fun.
Guy Pal Hot Spot -> The school play is the place to be! Imagine a stage full of people who love the same things you do (yes, potential guy buds included). Go ahead and audition for the play, or even sign up to work behind the scenes designing cool costumes or pretty props. It won’t be long before you find that guy who adores discussing movie plots and analyzing characters as much as you do. Bonus: You’ll also have a built-in movie buddy!
THE NATURE NUT: You have a passion for ever season: skiing in the winter, track and field in the spring, swimming in the summer and biking and hiking in the fall. No season – or sport – is off limits! Some (read: your parents) may think you’re a bit of an adventurous risk taker, but you’re happiest when you’re out in the fresh air, communing with nature, whether that be in a shady forest or on a sunny beach
Guy Pal Hot Spot -> Check out your local health club or YMCA and see what fun activities are available for teens. You just might meet your match, and the two of you can spend hours at the tennis courts or racing each other around the track. OR, seeing as what an adventurous chica you are, why not see if you can start an intramurals club at your school if there’s not one already. Bonus: Because you’re in charge, you get to call dibs on captain!
THE GIRLY GEEK: You know first-hand that being a geek is oh so chic and cool. Guitar Hero. Vidoe Games. Comic books. You love it all. Maybe you’ve even put your love and talent together to create some original comics of your own. And let’s not forget about that huge Guitar Hero marathon last weekend.
Guy Pal Hot Spot -> Did you ever wonder what the deal is with that guy who sits in the back row of homeroom with his head buried in the latest Spiderman comic? Now’s the perfect time to chat him up! And, that comic book is the perfect ice breaker; ask him who his favorite character is and offer to trade comics with each other (hey, you’ll both save money too!). What’s better than bonding over a capped superhero?
Bottom Line: The key is to bond over common interests. So what are YOU waiting for? Go get him, girl
OH GOD, I'M ABOUT TO PRESS PUBLISH.. :|
THE BRAINY BOOKWORM: You love curling up on the couch on a rainy Saturday with a good book. Your favorite books let you escape to different worlds, and your friends can usually find you with a book in your hand – or your nose in one!
Guy Pal Hot Spot -> Why not head to the library (again!) or local bookstore? Chances are, your newest book buddy could be looking for the newest Harry Potter book just like you. Or, go ahead and chat up the dude sitting behind you in English class. Ask him what he thinks of the book the class is reading. Pretty soon, you two could be LOLing about your teacher’s crazy outfits!
THE CREATIVE CHICA: Your imagination and the arts are your true passion – you love everything from movies and music to classic French paintings. On any given day, you could be found painting your latest masterpiece or writing your own song! The only problem? You seem to be alone in your love of all things artsy and fun.
Guy Pal Hot Spot -> The school play is the place to be! Imagine a stage full of people who love the same things you do (yes, potential guy buds included). Go ahead and audition for the play, or even sign up to work behind the scenes designing cool costumes or pretty props. It won’t be long before you find that guy who adores discussing movie plots and analyzing characters as much as you do. Bonus: You’ll also have a built-in movie buddy!
THE NATURE NUT: You have a passion for ever season: skiing in the winter, track and field in the spring, swimming in the summer and biking and hiking in the fall. No season – or sport – is off limits! Some (read: your parents) may think you’re a bit of an adventurous risk taker, but you’re happiest when you’re out in the fresh air, communing with nature, whether that be in a shady forest or on a sunny beach
Guy Pal Hot Spot -> Check out your local health club or YMCA and see what fun activities are available for teens. You just might meet your match, and the two of you can spend hours at the tennis courts or racing each other around the track. OR, seeing as what an adventurous chica you are, why not see if you can start an intramurals club at your school if there’s not one already. Bonus: Because you’re in charge, you get to call dibs on captain!
THE GIRLY GEEK: You know first-hand that being a geek is oh so chic and cool. Guitar Hero. Vidoe Games. Comic books. You love it all. Maybe you’ve even put your love and talent together to create some original comics of your own. And let’s not forget about that huge Guitar Hero marathon last weekend.
Guy Pal Hot Spot -> Did you ever wonder what the deal is with that guy who sits in the back row of homeroom with his head buried in the latest Spiderman comic? Now’s the perfect time to chat him up! And, that comic book is the perfect ice breaker; ask him who his favorite character is and offer to trade comics with each other (hey, you’ll both save money too!). What’s better than bonding over a capped superhero?
Bottom Line: The key is to bond over common interests. So what are YOU waiting for? Go get him, girl
OH GOD, I'M ABOUT TO PRESS PUBLISH.. :|
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Showing posts with label Love Lessons. Show all posts Showing posts with label Love Lessons. Show all postsWednesday, September 2, 2009
I'm Sorry.
I've had this one written for almost a week now and have been debating whether or not I should share it. But, in the name of honesty and complete disclosure (and, ironically, closure for myself), I've decided to take the plunge. So...here...goes...
I sit alone in my room
Still reeling from the words I said to you
They're the kind of words I never thought I'd say
But maybe I had to anyway
Stephen was the sort of guy who played it cool
He caught my eye, but he never had a clue
Of how I really felt inside
I was just some girl he knew
We were just kids back then
Back when my story began
In those first moments, I saw something in him
I wondered if he'd ever feel that same connection
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
I should have told you everything
But you have a way of making me come unglued
I'm speechless when I'm around you
Can't you see me shaking, trying desperately to keep my heart from breaking?
I'm sorry the words got in the way of all the things I meant to say
Seems I'm always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
We really were just two kids back then
And maybe all these words are just too late
But in the end, I just want you to know what it all meant
Because now we're just two adults trying to find our way
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
I saw you the other day
And I won't be sorry when I say, it took me back
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
Stephen meets my gaze from across a crowded room
And after all these years, he still leaves me so damn unglued
I wonder if he'll ever see
All the things he meant to me...
xoxo,
[Photos via Abby Sharp and We Heart It]
Posted by Melissa Blake at 1:15 PM 12 Love Notes
Labels: Heartbreak, Love Lessons, Lyrical Gangster, Young Love
Post-Breakup Protocol.
Well, seeing as how the term post-breakup implies there was a breakup which in turn implies there was a relationship which in turn implies there were at least two people in this relationship, you've probably guessed by now that I am indeed not speaking of my own relationship; OK, besides the one-sided ones that play out in my head.
Anyway, so here's the situation. I'll just lay it all on the line like I usually do: Remember Cute Guy Friend? You know, the one who maybe, sort-of, from my end led me on just a bit, until I realized he had a girlfriend. Apparently, I was his girl friend, not his girlfriend (a very key distinction, apparently). Anyway, like the semi-stalker/gawker that I am, I've taken to checking out his Facebook page every once and awhile - though more often when I think of everything I wanted us to be one fateful summer (cue sappy movie music).
What should I find last week? He and said girlfriend are not longer an item. Done. Finished. As in, her status is now "In A Relation With... not Cute Guy Friend.
And that, my friends, is precisely when I became a tiger. No, that's not my stripper name. No, it's not the name I go by when I stand on my corner on a hot Saturday night. I mean I wanted to pounce. Pounce. Pounce. Pounce. Damn, I mean, I really wanted to pounce. I'm sure you know the feeling...you sort of want to make your move quickly and go in for the swooping kill.
In other words: I was that girl. The girl who wanted to prey on the helpless man with a recently broken heart. The man who, for all intents and purposes, has always seen me as a friend. The man who is unbelieveably sweet, funny, charming, the smart lawyer type.
Do you see my dilemma here? I've been practically binding my hands together to stop myself from emailing him. Right. Now. It's just...so...tempting. The way I see it, I have a few options.
1). Send him an email pretending to be my nochalant self, asking him how he's doing and saying we haven't connected in awhile (no, not connected in that way...). In said email, perhaps I'd drop a few hints and see if I can get him to confirm alleged breakup. I would remain at my utmost coy and subtle, of course.
2). Send him an email, but keep it strictly short and friendly. Maybe throw in some small-talk about work or the weather (can you believe the summer is over?...) .
3). Do nothing like I always do.
So tell me, those who obviously know more than I do about this sort of thing: What's the protocol here? How shall I go forth from here?
xoxo,
[Photo via Deerlings & Ghostthings]
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My First-Ever (Faux) Breakup Letter An Open Letter To Valentine's Day. Dating With Disabilities: When You're His Girl Friend LinkWithin
Posted by Melissa Blake at 10:00 AM 10 Love Notes
Labels: Cute Guy Friend, Dating, Love Lessons
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Tales From The Trenches Tuesday.
You've listened (well, OK, read) to me prattle on for nine months now about my search for that happy balance between wanting to find love and enjoying the single-life ride along the way. You've cried with you. You've laughed with me. You've probably even laughed at me a few times too (heck, even I've laughed at myself sometimes, so don't feel bad or ashamed or anything).
Now I'd like to hear from you! I'm starting a Tuesday feature called Tales from the Trenches.
The gist: You email me your love/relationship/dating/single life stories (of the horror-movie or romantic comedy variety or both, whichever you prefer), and your story could be featured on any given Tuesday.
Maybe you were left at the altar. Maybe you left the altar. Maybe you broke up via a text message. Maybe you torched his car.
Email me at mellow142 [at] aol [dot] com with your tales, and we can navigate those treacherous trenches (say that 10 times fast!) together!
xoxo,
[Photos via We Heart It]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 3:00 PM 12 Love Notes
Labels: Dating, Love Lessons, Singlehood
Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #34
Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
Every woman, whether she admits it or not, suffers from an acute case of tunnel vision when she first spots a guy. She can’t help but zero in on that one trait she finds simply irresistible. Now, I can’t presume to know what your trigger trait is because, obviously, every woman is different – some go for the deep blue eyes, others prefer the tousled brown hair. I’m an arm and shoulders girl myself. I go weak in the knees for the arms of a strong Heartland farmer and the broad shoulders to match (remember my teenage obsession with the nude model/lifeguard? You could fry an egg on his back in the summertime).
But beyond that, guess what? There’s a whole mess of subtleties we notice. And FYI, slick stud, none of them have anything even remotely to do with however hot you think you are or even if you sport the abs of a Greek god (yeah, right. Like you haven’t used that line once or twice….or three times). Scared yet? You should be.
I'm getting the feeling that you probably did a lot of staring at me when we first met, maybe (OK, probably) not for the right reasons like my beautiful mind and shiny red hair. Maybe you were intimidated - it's happened before. Maybe you just simply didn't know what to say or how to talk to me (tip: it helps if you open your mouth first....).
So I figure it's time for a dose of your own medicine.
Read on, Sweetpea...
We notice how you interact with other women: I once sat in a computer lab with a handsome guy in front of me. He was hot, for sure, but then he called the young woman next to him, “Ma’am.” With that one word, his sexiness factor increased exponentially for me. There’s nothing hotter than a man who is polite and respectful; it’s one of the first things we women notice. If a guy is sweet and a good listener, chances are he’s a keeper. FYI: These same rules apply to how you treat you mother, boys, so for your sake, you better treat her well.
We notice how you carry yourself: Confidence is like chocolate. It’s sweet and delicious in small doses, but one overdose can make you swear it off for life. So if you’re the type of guy who swaggers into a room (Read: LA Hot Shot), why not make the swagger into a casual stroll. On the other hand, when a man knows what he’s talking about without sounding too conceited? Well, that’s just about the sexiest thing there is! So walk that balance beam carefully.
We notice when your dorky side shows: Most guys are afraid to admit they still have a comic book collection or still have their Star Wars action figures, but I actually think those sorts of things are what make a man H-O-T. And when he admits it, he moves up a notch on the temperature gauge. There was a reason everyone fell in love with The O.C.’s Seth Cohen, and it wasn’t because he lived in a cool California mansion. A guy’s dorky side is cute, so why doesn’t he show it more often?
We notice how you treat animals: Ever wonder why so many women love taking their dog to dog parks? The park is bursting at the seams with other dogs – and their gorgeous male owners! Chances are, a man who adores a Dalmatian also has a kind a gentle soul. And don’t forget, it could also be a good indication of the sort of father he’d be – the guy, not the dog, though I suppose the same theory would apply in both cases. But don’t go getting any ideas…it’s not like we think you’re our soul mate and the father of our future children or anything crazy like that.
xoxo,
[Photos via ffffound]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 1:30 PM 7 Love Notes
Labels: Dating, Letters to my future husband, Love Lessons
Monday, August 31, 2009
MEMO TO MEN: Rules Schmules.
MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Rules are made to be broken
DATE: August 31, 2009
A short little lesson for you today, boys. I know you tend to have short attention spans sometimes.
I've never liked rules. I've always hated them, in fact, unless I'm the one imposing them, of course. But what I despise most are those dumb, antiquated 'rules' we feel pressured to follow when it comes to dating. Is this 19th Century Victorian America?
I didn't think so. That's why I'm a rabble-rousing, red-headed, rule-breaker. Are you one too? What are the rules you just refuse to abide by?
If you like him, ignore him
Sorry, can't do this one either. If I like you, you're going to know about it. It might take me longer (OK, wayyyy longer sometimes) to work up the courage to tell you. But beware: I WILL TELL YOU. And you know what? I couldn't give a damn if it looks desperate, clingy or anti-feminist.
The three-day rule
Frankly, that is just the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If you have a good date with someone (OK, an exceptional date), why wouldn't you call them? That's just plain rude, and will probably make them feel like you're ignoring them on purpose or something. And why does calling have to be out of some needy, desperate, dependent void that you're trying desperately to fill? Here's a radical idea (maybe you've never even thought of it before now): You call them because you like them, had a great time and want to get to know them. It doesn't mean you're going too fast, breaking some cardinal rule or are in deep danger of scaring them away. Geez, just pick up the phone already - or send a flirty text if that's more your speed.
Eating out on a date
I've got an appetite....of the food variety, you dirty minds! I'm not ashamed about that. I'm a girl who likes her food, so please don't mind me when I confidently order the ribs or steak on our date. Maybe I'll share. Maybe I won't. You'll just have to ask me out to find out. Oh, and my drink of choice on said date is a root beer. Get used to it.
The end-of-the-date etiquette
I'm a prude, remember? That means the most action you'll get is a friendly handshake. But don't worry. If I really, really like you, it'll be a very, very firm handshake - my version of a passionate goodnight kiss on my front stoop. You know, where our fingers linger with each others for maybe a moment too long.
The quiet ones never flirt
This isn't so much a rule as it is a common myth. And you know I'm always the one to do the whole myth-busting thing. I may be quiet, but I'm turning into the biggest subtle flirt. EVER.
xoxo,
[Photo by ffffound]
You might also like:
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 11:45 AM 8 Love Notes
Labels: Dating, Love Lessons, Memo To Men
Thursday, August 27, 2009
MEMO TO MEN: Love Questions.
MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: The Book of Love
DATE: August 27, 2009
Tell me, tell me, tell me/Oh, who wrote the Book Of Love/I've got to know the answer/Was it someone from above
When I was young, I used to listen to that '50s boppity song "Book of Love" with raptured attention. And like a child, I took it in literal terms. There really was a book out there that held all the questions about this crazy little thing called love, huh? A book of Frequently Asked Questions? That seemed like a handy, dandy little book. I just had to get my hands on it. Not that I was much interested in love then, but I figured it would be something I could at least show off to all the cool kids at recess.
Obviously, I never did find said book. As a result, I've amassed quite a long list of "love questions" over the years. Maybe a few more questions than I care to admit, but here are The Top 5...
Is there such a thing as The One?
I'll admit: I used to be a staunch believer in this one (although you probably already came to that conclusion by now). The whole idea that my soul mate was out there, somewhere in this big, wide world, and we were just waiting to meet each other (well, have fate bring us together, actually) sounded like the perfect fairy tale. EVER. Now I'm not so sure I believe that there's just ONE person meant for you. I still believe in fairy tales, but more of a modified, modern one - Princess Charming included.
How do you know you're in love?
Will it be the equivalent of the Big Bang Theory in my heart, with my blood pumping and pulsating and just all-around overflowing with joyousness? My mother knew she was in love when she found all my dad's quirks cute instead of annoying (trust me, those quirks were indeed annoying!). And my grandmother married my grandfather after dating for less than a year, right before he was shipped off during WWII. So maybe it's something you just have to dive into and access the terrain as you go - beware of prickly thorns, though!
Is a first kiss really that powerful?
I've never heard so many adjectives used to describe a single verb in my life: explosive, jaw-dropping, exquisite, magical, overpowering, gorgeous. Is it really fireworks and all that like everyone would lead you to believe? I love how they portray kisses in movies, usually under a street lamp at night or on a train platform. Such a dramatic lead up (a long, heartfelt speech, or, in other cases, an agrey screaming match) and then a passionate kiss. With my luck, those supposed fireworks would turn out to be misfired nuclear weapons. We're talking on a scale of mass destruction here.
Are you really allowed only one of Cupid's arrows?
If this is true, then I'd like a refund, Cupid. I think my arrow got stuck in the trees or something. Oh, and does that Love Potion #9 come with free refills? Also, is there some sort of punch card or savings club I could join? You know, buy 4 glasses of Love Potion and the 5th one is free. Could be a good marketing move, too, you never know.
Will I ever find love?
I'm attractive on the inside. I know that. So why, then, does that never feel like enough? And who's ever going to find me one ounce of beautiful?
So there you have it. Yet I'm not sure: Should I go searching for it, or let it come to me? I'm thinking my endless searching hasn't proved too effective in the past, so I'm figuring I should set up camp on my back porch, glass of apple juice in hand, put my feet up and wait for my qurky other half.
What about you? What questions have filled your "Book of Love"?
xoxo,
[Photos via Bliss and ffffound]
You might also like:
MEMO TO MEN: What A Mighty Good Man. 5 Lovely Little Questions About Love. MEMO TO MEN: I'll Just Be Honest. LinkWithin
Posted by Melissa Blake at 10:00 AM 9 Love Notes
Labels: Love Lessons, Memo To Men
Flawed Is The New Beautiful.
Everything looks good from the outside. Perfect, even. The house on the end of the busy street, with its perfectly manicured lawn and its beautiful olive-green shutters. The majestic blue 1950s Corvette, its fresh coat of paint still soft to the touch.
The same logic applies to people, too. The super mom that never seems to break a sweat and always greets you with a smile and kind words. The colleague who never misses a day of work — or a deadline. And you wonder where on earth you can purchase her “happy” pills.
But if you dig a little deeper, scratching below the surface ever so slightly, things — and people — may not always come up roses. Somewhere along the way, we must have missed the memo that brought us the heartbreaking news that, no, life isn’t always perfect. No matter how much we wish it to be. No matter how much we try to make it so, or ignore all the things that make it not so perfect.
All too often, we’re so quick to say, “Wow, that’s perfect. Aren’t those people perfect?” But like the beauty on the outside, looks — and of course attitudes — can be deceiving, and I can’t help but question: Does a pretty outside serve to hide the not-so-pretty, ugly inside? And, why is it so hard to tell people how we really feel? Why do we feel like we have to hide? And, if we’re always putting on an act for people, doesn’t it become that much har der to truly know someone?
I’ll be the first to admit the last year of my life hasn’t exactly been my favorite — one catastrophe seemed to follow another like the domino effect. You wouldn’t know that from the outside, though. My cheery personality masked all those falling dominos. Whenever anyone asked the all-too-popular question, “How are you,” I’d reply like I usually do.
“Oh I’m fine.”
“I can’t complain.”
“I’m good. And you?”
I got really good at it too. I half felt like a talking puppet. Pull a string, and I’ll whip out one of many stock phrases programmed into me
Isn’t that what people want to hear, I thought? I certainly didn’t want to burden them with my problems, and frankly, if I told them how I really felt (those gut-wrenching, pounding-a-pillow thoughts we keep tucked deep in our hearts — they’d probably ask me if I got that info from some Lifetime movie of the week. I knew it wouldn’t be pretty.
Or maybe I’ve grown to like the cheery response because it’s safe. I could keep my guard up and keep my secrets to myself. I feared that if I said exactly how I felt (that my world felt like it was crumbling, that I missed my dad more and more every day and that, well, you know what, sometimes it IS hard to be physically handicapped), all the floodgates would open and I'd become unhinged — a bubbling mess right there in the middle of aisle four of the grocery store. My image would be shattered. Forever.
Come to think of it, it’s a little ironic that my dad was the only one who never seemed to expect those stock answers. My mom’s friend, Cheryl, who she’s known since high school, is the same way. You can let your guard down with her because she lets her guard down with you. She listens. No matter how whiny you are or no matter how grumpy you become. And she knows we’ll do the same for her. Any time. Any where.
Maybe in the end, that’s all any of us ever wants. A world and an ear without judgment. A safe haven for our weary heads and hearts.
But that’s not what people want to hear. They want to see how well we’re doing, so out of habit, we put on our “party face” wherever we go: the smiling, glowing, “I’m-in-control” face. Pretty soon, the face is blended with our true selves and we begin to wonder which is which. We’ve lost ourselves in the process of trying to “present” ourselves to the world.
It’s not anyone’s fault. No one is to blame, of course; it’s just that we’re a product of our culture, whether we like it or not. We expect people to “pull themselves up by their boot straps,” to be the strong, silent type. Any hint of emotion and we get scared.
Sadly, though, there has to be some point where we realize that’s not healthy. We can’t get to know someone, really know them, if we’re not willing to get to know all of them. Scars and flaws and problems included.
What would our world look like if, instead of soldiering our emotions, we laid them out. Not because we want sympathy (OK, maybe sometimes we do), but because we can’t go through life alone. We need people. No one is an island, contrary to that pesky rumor Simon and Garkfunkel started.
I challenge you this week to shred those stock answers you give — and get. Dig a little deeper. You just might realize you’re not so scared of what you find after all.
xoxo,
[Photos via Breakdown!]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 8:00 AM 12 Love Notes
Labels: Life, Love Lessons, Newspaper Columns
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #33
Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
Marie Claire magazine's male blogger recently wrote about relationship deal sealers, and isn't just so refreshing to see a list like this instead of the list of dealbreakers I wrote about a few weeks ago?
To show you that I don't always have to be the glass-half-empty girl, here are some of my very own deal-sealers. You'd better take notes, sweetpea (awww, you love the name? Thank you) -- or better yet, why not print this and keep it in your wallet next to that photo of this year's "to die for" swimsuit model. What? You don't have such a blatantly disgusting photo in said wallet? You're a good boy.
A straight shooter
Those mind games, I admit, can be fun at first - even I play them (and damn well, I might add). It's almost like pre-relationship flirting...a subtle way of courting. But once we've moved past the pre-relationship stage (read: We're IN a relationship), a bucket load of cryptic messages and mixed signals just gets old and, frankly, childish. Really old and really childish. Really, really faaaaaaast. I need someone like me, someone who tells it like it is, and isn't afraid to say things. If you come with no decoding or assembly required, we're have a grand time. Even something as simple and obvious as asking me out (Let's review: Saying "we should probably hang out and see where it goes..." is not the way to ask me out; that's what you'd say to your biology lab partner about your experiment that's due on Monday. I need a formal invitation here....).
A laugh machine
It's no secret that I've been through a lot and seen even more than that in my 27 years, so someone I can have fun with is practically an automatic deal-sealer. Guys who make me laugh also have a cute way of making me feel very comfortable and at ease around them, instead of my awkward default setting. Plus, laughter is a sign that a guy enjoys life. How damn sexy is that? I think that's why I've leaned toward falling for younger guys lately. They just have a way of making me smile, of forgetting all the bad stuff. And they're just darn adorable.
A little damaged
I'll be the first to admit that I've got my own set of scars - both literally and figuratively. Still, I've noticed myself falling for the ones who are a bit emotionally damaged. Call me crazy, but I actually find it a bit sexy - the idea, however misguided it might be - of being that person who could turn a guy's life around and help him believe in love again. Why else would I continue searching for a real-life Chuck Bass or Dr. Gregory House?
A little bit country...or a little bit rock 'n roll
I know, it's a bit shameful and a huge cliche, but if I hear that a guy is in a band, he automatically moves up a notch or two on the hotness scale. And if he's the lead singer (with a guitar slung from his back and a notepad in his pocket for writing down all those introspective lyrics)? Well, I just might have to marry him right then and there. Plus, who hasn't heard of a musician who is at least a little bit emotionally damaged?
A family man
A guy who is close to his family is a guy who has a good head on his shoulders and an even bigger heart. He knows what really matters in life, and if you ask me, that's just plain and simple one of the sexiest traits in the entire world. Plus, his dad could give you a sneak peak into what he'll be like in a few decades.
What are your absolute deal sealers? Is there that one single thing a guy can do that will make you fall head over feet? Besides me, of course... Until we meet...
xoxo,
[Photo via We Heart It]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 11:32 AM 2 Love Notes
Labels: Letters to my future husband, Love Lessons
MEMO TO MEN: Awkward Is The New Cool.
MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Beware of my awesome strength
DATE: August 26, 2009
Apparently, I'm quite the intimidating creature...and apparently freakishly strong as well. Yesterday, I asked David (who by the way, is pretty cute and charming) of The Rest Is Still Unwritten (coincidentally, his blog is pretty cute and charming as well) why on Earth he never accepted my Facebook friend request. Was I not worthy? Was it me? He replied, and this is in his exact words:
Yes it’s you. You intimidated with me your freakishly strong arm wrestling skills & now I’m frighten I’ve met a girl that could kick my ass!
I just had to laugh, almost outloud, though I had to surpress the laugh seeing as I was sitting in the dead-silent computer lab and I have a (freakishly loud laugh; my sister says it's more of a cackle, but that's a blog subject for another time)
But, the man does have a point. Yes, sirs, you are damn right. I could kick your ass into next week. Maybe even into the next galaxy. What I love about my disability is that it's given me some serious upper-body strength. I can be anyone at an arm-wrestling match. Anyone. I've got muscle, which sometimes makes me a bit awkward (well, more than my standard awkwardness anyway...), but I'm figuring it could come in handy in qualifying for the US Olympic team if they ever create an arm-wrestling event.
So, boys, remember this: Don't let my small size fool you. Ever. I may be small, but the upper half of me can blow you away. What do you think of that? POW!
Be sure to look for David's guest-post on So about what I said... coming soon. Maybe he likes being intimidated by me? Who knows.
xoxo,
[Photo via We Heart It]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 9:00 AM 11 Love Notes
Labels: Love Lessons, Memo To Men, Random Fun
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Candie's Controversy: Smart Is The New Sexy.
Editor's Note: I thought I'd take a closer look at my blog's taglines this week. Check back tomorrow and Thursday as I explore the other two phrases. Enjoy!
Have you been following the controversy over the Candie's Foundation's Abstinence-theme T-shirt campaign? The Foundation, which works to prevent teen pregnancy, partnered with Seventeen magazine for a contest to come up with a new slogan. The winner, Sarina Adams, came up with this latest "Be Sexy" slogan.
The Foundation aims to "educate on the consequences of teen pregnancy [and challenge] America's youth to make healthy decisions about sex," according to a PR rep.
I applaud this T-shirt slogan 110 percent. Critics of the campaign say the Tee is sending teens mixed messages by encouraging them to be sexy, yet at the same time, refrain from having sex.
See, this is exactly what I have a problem with: The inherent intertwining of the terms sexy and sex. You apparently can't have one without the other, society beats into our heads. Since when does being a virgin mean you can't be sexy? The two, as I see it, aren't mutual exclusive. What ever happened to the idea that leaving some mystery and something to the imagination can be incredibly sexy? I'm a virgin, but you know what? That doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm sexy.
Oh, and don't even get me going on the whole idea that sexy can only apply to all things physical. Guess what? It doesn't. Haven't you ever met anyone (besides me, of course) whose personality was just the sexiest thing ever?
Something as simple as a feeling can be sexy - the way a guy makes you feel (not physically, people!), a guy who writes a song for you (I'm still waiting for that one, guys...hint, hint). For example, David of The Rest Is Still Unwritten recently told me he thought it was cute and hilarious when I said that guys should find it very hot that I've been featured in countless medical journals. I know he didn't mean sexy, but c'mon, even that is sexy, right?
Heck, I've found of late that even anticipation can be an extremely sexy thing thanks to a certain new guy, though I'm keeping that on the down-low for right now...
I don't know about you, but I'm scared of a society that chooses to define sexy in such narrow-minded terms. Good for Candie's to be a company to think outside the box for once. They have a unique opportunity here to show the world - and especially teens - that sexy isn't just about how you look, what you're wearing or what you're doing with who. There's so much more to you, and a guy who truly loves you will applaud and respect that.
And lest we not forget part of my slogan: SMART IS THE NEW SEXY.
Bottom line: Don't be surprised if you someday spot me sporting this exact shirt. I'll flaunt it proudly. The shirt, that is...
On a side note, I've always loved these other slogans:
"Be Sexy: It Doesn't Mean You Have to Have Sex"
"Be Smart: You Are Too Young to Start."
xoxo,
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 12:15 PM 9 Love Notes
Labels: Entertainment and Media, Love Lessons
Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #32
Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
It's come to my attention that, during the course of our whirlwind, sweeping romance, I may have let you off the hook a little too easily. I probably bit my tongue and let some things slide, didn't I? Dammit, love has forsaken me, hasn't it? Gosh, I hope it really hasn't turned me into a weeping sad sack. And I'm not talking about the pretty kind you like to cuddle and comfort either.
I'm talking about the walk-all-over-me, I'm-your-doormat sort of sap. Because FYI, Sweetpea (I think that's going to be my name for you; get used to it), there are just some things I refuse to tolerate.
So maybe you should have an emergency suitcase packed like a pregnant woman who's 3 weeks past her due date. Because like a baby, when I spot one of these dealbreakers, I'm charging head-first forward. Your tush will hit the lawn faster than a football hits the 50-yard line.
Now, lest you think I'm being harsh, rude or just genuinely and excessively mean, I have just four words for you: STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM. I know you have a huge list of dealbreakers of your own; maybe some of you even keep a running tally in a notebook hidden under your mattress next to your stack of vintage Playboys (don't think I haven't discovered those, either; I'm a journalist, remember? It's my job). Frankly, I don't really care. You're allowed to have yours and by golly, I'm allowed to have mine.
So grab a notebook and take notes, Sweetpea...
You can't handle my disability
This, my friends, marks the blatant immaturity of a man. If a man is uncomfortable, repulsed or in any way thinks my disability should resign me to a life indoors, undeserving of the same love and passion other women are free to go after, then you can be sure I'll leave him in the dust faster than his little rat brain can process. And to those who say that my disability is a valid dealbreaker, that some people just wouldn't be able to handle it, I ask this question: Where shall we draw the line then? Maybe a woman - or a man - with a birth mark should be lumped into the disabled category too?
You don't respect my V Club membership
Let me just say this: I made virgity, prudishness and chastity hip and cool long before those Disney kids "supposedly" did. If any guy thinks he can sweet-talk or finagle his way....well, you know...he's the double Ds: Disrespectful and Dumb. I don't think I could make it any clearer.
FYI: Virginity is hot. I don't care what anyone says.
You name your....car
What did you think I meant? I'm sorry, but any any guy who personifies his car (i.e. naming it Susie, and when said car breaks, feels the need to say "Awww, poor Susie isn't feeling well." We get it. You love your car. What we don't get, though, is if you know the difference between a car and an actual, living person with a pulse and a heartbeat.
You are just so darn in love....with yourself
Have I mentioned before how irritating it is to have an entire conversation with someone who, if he had the power, would annoint himself a Greek God? Yup, he thinks that highly of himself. And that's not very pretty, is it? Of course I want to learn all about you, but at least save a little something for after the appetizers. Or at least let me drown myself in another root beer before you begin another tale about the great moments in your life.
You are one of the 3 Ls
Liar, Loser or Lazy. There's just too much damage there that even I couldn't work with that. I am so in tune with people that I can spot a liar a million miles away, so there's no use trying to pull a fast one of me. You'd probably be too slow for that anyway.
So what are your dealbreakers? What are the things you simply won't compromise on? READ: NOT compromising is a good thing! Really! Until we meet...
xoxo,
[Photos via We Heart It]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 9:45 AM 5 Love Notes
Labels: Disability, Letters to my future husband, Love Lessons
Monday, August 24, 2009
Surrender.
There comes a time when you just have to realize that something might be over. There's nothing you did or didn't do. That's just life, but it's frustrating when you feel like you're the only person feeling anything - in any sort of relationship, romantic or otherwise. Right....?
What if I really told you how I felt?
Just layed all my feelings on the line
What if I started the conversation I've been having in my head
Would that at least start a fight
It was those parts we played that broke our hearts and tore us apart
I was the giver, you were the taker
You were the fighter, I was the peacemaker
So it looks like I might as well surrender
We're not getting anywhere tonight
And I shouldn't have to fight for all the memories I'm trying to remember
So just go home
Because in the end, baby, there are just some things
We'll never know
The awkward silence is all too loud
Your cutting words, they just drown me
Before I can get out of this mess you've made
Is it really too late?
It was those parts we played that broke our hearts and tore us apart
I was the giver, you were the taker
You were the fighter, I was the peacemaker
So it looks like I might as well surrender
We're not getting anywhere tonight
And I shouldn't have to fight for all the memories I'm trying to remember
So just go home
Because in the end, baby, there are just some things
We'll never know
'Cuz you're feeling nothing
Damn, I wish you felt something
Why am I the only one saying all thoae words you know we're both thinking
It shouldn't hurt this much, the things we discover
So I'll just surrender
So it looks like I might as well surrender
We're not getting anywhere tonight
And I shouldn't have to fight for all the memories I'm trying to remember
So just go home
Because in the end, baby, there are just some things
We'll never know
Surrender
Surrender
Surrender...
Please just go home
'Cuz I don't want to know...
xoxo,
[Photo via Abby Sharp]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 1:00 PM 13 Love Notes
Labels: Love Lessons, Lyrical Gangster
Thursday, August 20, 2009
The Virgin Monologues Part III: Male Virgins Are Hot.
I'll just say it: There’s something incredibly sexy about a male virgin. He oozes with sex appeal, though he's never actually hit the sheets with a women.
Is that weird of me to think that? Am I avoiding some subconscious, repressed memories or something?
A man who chooses to remain a virgin is respected, revered, sometimes even praised. A woman who chooses to remain a virgin is abnormal, weird and in desperate need of some type of intervention. Stat.
But then again, society does seem to prefer women virgins. What's up with that? What do you think?
Maybe this whole thing is really just about me. Maybe I'd feel more comfortable around a male virgin, for obvious reasons. Would I feel less intimidated? Would I not feel like the only innocent one in the room?
I'm not quite sure, exactly, but there's something quite enticing about exploring that realm with someone who's on the same journey, you know? Like something so private that only the two of you share. Together.
xoxo,
[Photos via oh, hello friend]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 7:30 AM 10 Love Notes
Labels: Disability, Life, Love Lessons
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The Virgin Monologues Part II: The Purity Myth Mystique
Yesterday, I explored the virginity stereotypes I've encountered over the years. Obviously, it was Completely false, fabricated and riddled with more foolishness than a carnival of clowns.
Marie Claire recently sat down with co-founder of Feministing, Jessica Valenti. They were discussing the release of her book The Purity Myth. I thought perhaps Valenti’s interview would give me some answers – or at least some intelligent insight. The interview disappointed me greatly. As a virgin reading the interview, it came across as Valenti's attempts to demoralize and criticize virgins, as if we’re somehow the problem, as if we’ve given people, in particular, women who do have sex, a bad name.
It’s all our fault, apparently.
While I do agree with some of Valenti's assertions, some of her quotes did trouble me. Let's explore them, shall we?
"Virginity and chastity are reemerging as a trend in pop culture, in our schools, in the media, and even in legislation."
Neither of these - virginity or chastity - ever left, actually. People just aren't as afraid to openly talk about it now. Something tells me it was those very stereotypes that made it go into temporary hiding in the first place.
"The lie of virginity — the idea that such a thing even exists — is ensuring that young women's perception of themselves is inextricable from their bodies."
Actually, it has absolutely nothing to do with my body. It's quite the opposite in fact. It has everything to do with me respecting myself as a person. The book acts like sex is no big deal. That's the real threat to women in their fight to change the myth a woman's true value is tied only to her body. Don't worry, I'm not one of those "My body is a temple" people, but a woman's body is hers. Why shouldn't she be proud - and protective - of it? Why hop in to bed with any Joe Schmo just to prove that women are just as animalistic as men?
The main misconception of virginity is that it exists! There's no medical definition. It's a completely cultural invention. It's such a huge deal and yet it's so amorphous. There's no real way to define it at all.
Wow, this one perplexed me the most. I just had to sit and stare at that quote for a minute or two. So by the same token, then, the terms slut and promiscuous, but you don't deny that those exist. Interesting.
Finally she says that "America's obsession with virginity is hurting young women." I'd say the opposite it true. Women are constantly bombarded with sexual images every day, images that tell them that if you're not doing these things, well, then there must be something wrong with you. You're abnormal. You're a freak.
"Lose your virginity already," society practically shouts at them. It seems to me that the book - and frankly, society at large - underestimates the role a women's virginity plays in her life. Maybe it's just me coming from my perspective of being a virgin, but did you ever think someone's virginity might, possibly be about something very deeper than sex itself? Feminism itself was founded on the principle that women hold the power to make choices and decisions that are right for them, regardless of the outward pressures they face. It's not about trying to act superior, pure or some "morally elightened" woman. It's not about "sticking it to the sluts."
Shockingly - and probably surprising for a lot of people - it doesn't have to do with ANYONE.
And what's with this whole US vs. THEM mentality? Since when are virgins and non-virgns playing for opposing teams? It's almost as if society wants to pit us against each other in some metaphorical boxing ring. Frankly, I'll have no of it - I just realized the same can be said of my reasons for my virginity. See, we virgins aren't bad people. Get to know us, and you might discover that we're actually funny! Or maybe we're just overcompensating? No, we're most definitely funny!
Yes, a woman's body obviously isn't her defining characteristic. It doesn't define her. Like my disability, one's virginity is merely a part of them, not the part. It scares me when a society seems to be encouraging young women to do things before they're ready. People - and this includes men too - need to go at their own pace.
I feel the same way about the subject of virgity that I do about my disability. Please don't place me - or anyone (and yes, that does include non-virgins) - in your nice little categorical box.
Thank you.
Be sure to tune in tomorrow where I will tackle the male virgin - metaphorically, of course!
xoxo,
[Photos via Abby Sharp]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 11:00 AM 11 Love Notes
Labels: Disability, Life, Love Lessons
Love Lessons: It's OK...
The summer I turned 14, that boy waltzed into my life. I'm sure you know the one I'm talking about - literally and figuratively here. Your first love. It wasn't as if we were strangers who met each other's gaze across a dimly lit room, and after talking and laughing the entire night, decided that we were soulmates.
No, things started off far more innocent than that. We'd already met. Some years before, actually. I'll spare you the starry-eyed details, but suffice it to say, something deep within me shifted one day that summer. I noticed his mop top of black hair, his puppy-dog brown eyes, even the way his smile made me giggle inside. It didn't hurt that his chiseled chin and broad shoulders channeled a young Jake Gyllenhaal.
But it was those eyes. They seemed to look at me in a different way. They pierced right through my soul.I was hooked, and for the next 10 years, I nursed a hopeless crush on him. I'd go out of my way to pass him in the hallway, giving the ever-popular, over-enthusiastic wave.
A few months ago, as I was rummaging through a drawer filled to the brim with memories - pictures, report cards, the lonely Minnie Mouse Pez dispenser searching for her Mickey - I found my seven volumes of journals. Amid the furious scribbles and girly doodles, my eyes began to glaze over with each new entry in which I professed my undying love for the boy. Words like true love and phrases such as “I see myself spending the rest of my life with him” littered each page, in all seriousness, to my 14-year-old self.
And all the while, all I could think of was, “That poor girl.”My adult instinct wanted to reach back in time and shake some sense into her. Didn't she know she was sacrificing who she was all in the name of some guy? Shame on her.But my teenage self wasn't the feminist I am today. Maybe I didn't want to be. Maybe I was innocent enough to go after the fairy tale. Grand social statements be damned!If only we could look back through the lens of womanhood. We could all learn a thing or two from our girlhood crushes.
And so in honor of the Boy I'll Never Forget, I offer these generous gems. I hope my 14-year-old self is listening.
Love Lesson #1: It's OK to like the fantasy more than the reality
The more I got to know him, the more I realized he just didn't measure up to Superman's twin I'd spent years creating and tweaking in my mind. In the fantasy, I could have it all: the perfect date, the most romantic of marriage proposals, the satin, chic white dress, the flawless marriage. The perfect everything.In my fantasy, we could be soulmates who live out their retirement years swinging from a porch swing and sipping tall glasses of lemonade. In my fantasy, we could be anything. We could be everything to each other. In reality, we were acquaintances at best, and I was an awkward teen with oversized glasses and a dorky laugh. But in reality, he wasn't Superman. He was just a man(umm, well not even a man, a boy at the time).
Love Lesson #2 It's OK not to change yourself
When I was 16, I made an extensive list in my journal: WAYS TO GET HIS ATTENTION. Among the must-dos? Use big words. Act smarter. Read The Wall Street Journal. What in the heck was I thinking? I was so willing to change myself at the mere thought that being who I wasn't would be the only way to get him to finally see me. I didn't even care that it would be a fake me - just as long as I could get his attention.
Love Lesson #3: It's OK to still giggle with glee at his Facebook
I'll be the first to admit I squealed louder than a girl going to her first Bobby Sherman concert when my detective skills paid off and I found him on Facebook. Since then, I've logged hours clandestinely keeping tabs on him via the wonders of technology. It's harmless fun, I reason. A fun little trip down memory lane. Pictures, anyone?
Love Lesson #4: It's OK to still feel like a schoolgirl around him
I bumped into him recently for the first time in months. We're both adults now. We're supposed to be mature and have the world all figured out, but for some reason, my hands got clammy, my stomach churned and I became a bumbling nerd. But it felt great. Exhilarating even.
Love Lesson #5: It's OK to let go
This one took me awhile to embrace and I'm not entirely sure if I'm even fully there yet. If I finally said goodbye, would I have really wasted years of my life chasing a hopeless fantasy? But things slowly became all too clear. I'd reasoned for so long that as long as I never disclosed my feelings to him, there would still be the possibility - however slight - that someday, all the hope I'd shored up in my heart would become a blazing reality. I knew I had to close the journal of my life chapter with him. I had other crushes over the years, but he remained my one constant. The crush I could always fall back on, no matter how much time had passed. He remained that warm blanket you snuggle under in the cold winter night. The friend you call at 2 a.m. crying. He was my favorite pair of heels. Something safe and cozy I could easily slip back on as if no time had passed. But the truth was, sadly, that I'd outgrown that shoe, that it no longer felt right. I'd moved on - and grown up - and it was time for a new shoe. Something tells me I'll always remember that shoe, but like fish, they are plenty more shoes in the sea.
What have you learned from a past love, even if it was an unrequited one? Do we even ever get over that first one?
xoxo,
[Photos via Abby Sharp]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 10:30 AM 7 Love Notes
Labels: Love Lessons, Young Love
Dating With Disabilities: Love And Disability
Teaser: I still have so many questions when it comes to how and why my physical disability affects my love life. But the real question I have to ask myself: What would happen if I just asked a guy out on a date...?
Dating With Disabilities: Love And Disability
xoxo,
[Photo via Le Love]
Posted by Melissa Blake at 7:30 AM 4 Love Notes
Labels: Disability, Love Lessons, Online Columns
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #31
Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
No one knows more about love than the heartbroken. Those whose hearts have been slashed, torn, bruised, thrown away, stomped on and even recycled know all too well that it takes a bit more than some salve and a Batman Band-Aid to heal their wounds and regain their superhero powers.
Simon and Garfunkel are privy to that secret too.
A winter's day/In a deep and dark December/I am alone/Gazing from my window to/the streets below/On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow/I am a rock/ I am an island-- they sang during the swinging '60s - a time of pondering and predicting.
I can't help but feel like a solitary rock. An island tucked deep away from any sign of civilization. Can we ever truly be an island unto ourselves? When does aloneness become loneliness?
Don't talk of love/But I've heard the words before
As much as we want it to be, love isn't always red roses and sweet candy. This week, lovers will be buying roses and carnations by the dozen and walking hand-in-hand with their sweetie as they rifle through that box of candy hearts looking for the perfect sentiment to appropriately mark the occasion.
Take me last year, for example: I had hope. I had determination. I had resolved that I, too, would find my other candy-heart half. I waited and waited - and waited - for my Prince Charming, roses in hand, but neither the horse nor the prince galloped to my doorstep. And when I realized that it was nearly impossible to beat a dead horse who is not even there, I vowed to give it all up. The search over. The curtain closed. Love obviously didn't want me, so I didn't want it. Heck, not only did I not want it, I didn't need it.
I've built walls/A fortress deep and mighty/That none may penetrate
So in an attempt to cloister myself from the world, I found myself on my own island. At first, I felt at home with the surrounding nature. I could sit on the metaphorical sunny and sandy beach all day and bask in having an entire island all to myself. I longed to be a ruler of one, and here I am, finally achieving peace, I thought. Safe. Isolated. Relieved.
And a rock feels no pain/And an island never cries
But happy? I kept waiting for it, hoping it would magically appear or fall from the leaves of the magical palm trees nearby, but it never came. The plain truth was that in my search for shelter, for safety, for some semblance of peace and clarity, I'd accepted seclusion as the most suitable option.
And like the song, I have my own books - or in my case, my own magazines - to protect me. They're my suit of armor -- something I can easily and conveniently hide behind. I'd never have to face anyone as long as I keep a fresh supply of shiny stacks close by. My words could forever be my mask, my own private disguise.
But in reality, can it really be only one or the other? Are we forced to choose between complete aloneness or complete saturation in society?
It can't be that black and white. Because it's got to get pretty lonely on that massive island all by yourself - not to mention all those cold and windy nights. There has to be a boat out on the horizon somewhere. Its lights are peeled ahead, desperately looking for you. And something tells me you're looking for it too because whether I'll admit it or not, I'm looking for that rescue boat too. When it docks at the shore, I'll hop on, but this time, maybe I'll leave the raggedy old books and things behind. After all, do I really actually definitely need them anymore? I think I'm strong enough now to weather the storm without them. Maybe I've found my superhero power once again.
Until we meet...
xoxo,
[Photos via oh, hello friend]
Posted by Melissa Blake at 2:30 PM 4 Love Notes
Labels: Disability, Letters to my future husband, Love Lessons
The Virgin Monologues Part I: OMG, You're Like A 'Virgin' Virgin??
Editor's Note: I received some email last week regarding my Virgin Monologues series, so I thought it only prudent to re-post this ahhhh-mazing (no pun intended) series for all my lovely new readers. Enjoy!
I’ll just say it: I’m 28, love taking long walks sunny days and I’m a virgin.
Yes, as in virgin virgin.
No, I don’t use this line at parties as a way to sound hip or cool, though I am both hip and cool.
Newsflash: I’m content with that. Dare I even say, I’m a bit proud of standing my ground and not being ashamed with MY CHOICE?
A recent interview between Marie Claire magazine and Jessica Valenti, author of The Purity Myth , got me, how shall I say this, a bit hot and bothered – and not in that way, if you catch my meaning.
Why is it such a taboo for a woman to be a virgin?
Why does she (read: me) feel as though she constantly has to explain herself: why she’s a virgin, the reasoning behind her choice, whether there is something “wrong” with her, when she plans to “seal the deal"?
Why on earth does she act so damn righteous about her choice?
Worn out yet from all the questioning?
And worse yet, why does everyone else feel the need to formulate a reason? Does it somehow make them feel better about themselves if they can concretely explain us, the supposed freaks of nature? Do they need to feel superior?
I don’t sit around trying to justify why some people do the Bedroom Rumba before others do, so I ask you: What gives others the right to join in on the crusade to make the term virginity such a bad word in our society? Here’s what I’d like – and I hope I speak on behalf of all virgins out there. You’re not alone; well, unless you’re in bedroom, but again, that’s your choice, for you to make, to decide what is right for you:
Don’t judge: Just stop believing the stereotypes. Please. It’s just getting old, and quite frankly, a bit sad. No, I'm not a member of some church cult (I'm actually anti-church, thank you). No, my disability isn't the reason. I don't think that my being a virgin makes me "pure" or any of those other crazy terms floating around out there. And I'm definitely not some repressed girl with family issues. In fact, I think I've heard 'em all, so no other "far-out" stereotypes people make would surprise me anymore. Sorry to disappoint you on that one.
Be respectful: Here we are, back to that word choice again. Need I remind you that it is my choice? You can never understand a person or her life until you've walked in her shoes (or in my case, taken a ride in my wheelchair - no, that is not some coy euphemism). I may not agree with your choices and you may not agree with mine. That doesn't mean we should still respect each other.
Don’t be afraid to ask: Obviously, I don’t walk around wearing a T-shirt that says “Living Virgin” with an arrow pointing upward to me, though that would probably give me some funny looks, wouldn't it? Come to think of it, it's almost worth doing just for the comic value alone.
Back off: I think this one is self-explanatory, both to the anti-virgins out there and to guys in general.
Will I end up being a real-life 40-year-old virgin? Who knows. Do I care? Hell no.
xoxo,
[Photos via oh, hello friend]
Posted by Melissa Blake at 12:30 PM 7 Love Notes
Labels: Disability, Life, Love Lessons
MEMO TO MEN: Missed Connections.
Editor's Note: This was my frame of mind almost 9 months ago. It looks like some things never change, huh? Will I ever get the hang of this? What do guys think of awkward-flirty type girls?
MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: That awkward girl sitting next to you
RE: Why she's staring
DATE: August 18, 2009
So as some of you may know, two months ago, as I was writing in the computer lab, my eyes drifted away from my computer screen and my hands stop mid-type when I saw the most gorgeous guy (and yes, I'm going to sound like a teenybopper, but I don't care.). EVER. He seriously looked like he'd just strutted off the runway or jumped out of one of those hot Calvin Klein ads. Do the Illinois cornfields really produce such gorgeousness, I wondered?
I thought for a moment about how to handle the whole situation, since I was obviously as smitten as a kitten, about how I could get Model Man's attention. Oh, wait, I thought. I'm sitting in front of the best relationship gadget of our time: The Internet. A few clicks and types later and I had this message posted on MySpace and Facebook:
To The Cute Guy In The Computer Lab
Yeah, I kmow it's a long shot, but if you were the cutie in the Kish computer lab (the big lab in the new wing) at around 9:15 this morning, just wanted to say I think you're cute! You were wearing a blue shirt and brown khakis, and I thought our eyes maybe, possibly, could have met (or maybe it was just me). It probably was just me.
At any rate, I'm not a stalker. Really. I'm just a horribly bad flirt.
As is status quo with me, I never did find out anything about Model Man, not even a name! And then THIS MORNING, I'm sitting in the computer lab (again) and see a man who looks suspiciously like Model Man (again!). Well, I was all I could do to keep from squealing like I did during my Nsync phase, before Justin got a huge head and broke up the group (which, by the way, is very Unsexy! Boo, JT!). Anyway, my heart is hoping it's the same guy. Either that or he has an identical twin, which wouldn't be a bad deal either, would it?
But yet again, I can't even work up the courage to say hello, let alone thing of some witty comment that'll knock him off his feet. Which makes me wonder: How do some people have the confidence to approach people? How do YOU find the confidence? What are your special tips and tricks?
P.S. As I type this, I just noticed he came back. Oh no? Did he see me type this? Part of me hopes not. But a bigger part of me does....
P.P.S. Gosh, he just called a woman "Miss." I think I'm in love.....
P.P.P.S. I JUST got a glimpse of his face, and WOW, he looks just like Dean from Supernatural. I AM in love....
UPDATE: As he was leaving the computer lab, I tried to give a smile, thought we might have made eye contact and realized we probably didn't. Oh well.
xoxo,
[Photos via ffffound]
Posted by Melissa Blake at 8:00 AM 14 Love Notes
Labels: Love Lessons, Missed Connections, Singlehood
Thursday, August 13, 2009
MEMO TO MEN: What A Mighty Good Man.
MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: What a man, what a man
DATE: August 13, 2009
Men get a bad rep. Granted, sometimes it is warranted (like when he's trying to be mysterious on purpose or act cool when, frankly, he's neither of the two).
I've never been one of those women who get a kick out of insulting the opposite (except when it's warranted, of course). Why? Do I some sort of disease or something, an incurable case of Male Stupidity Blindness?
I don't think it's as serious as all that. Really. I'm a feminist, mind you, but I can't help how I feel.
I say enough with the man bashing already! Let's not forget that they do have their good qualities, too.
And with that, here are my Top Ten Reasons I Love Men, plain and simple (which, ironically, is how I like my men too).
1. They may say they like blonde, swimsuit models, but they'll ultimately (and fully) admit that it would get old eventually - the ideal and the woman. They really do like quirky girls (SCORE!).
2. You can take what they say at face value. There's no hidden message encoded in their language, unlike women (I'll admit that even I'm guilty of saying one thing and meaning another. Men say what they mean and mean what they say. Phew! At least you don't need to be a detective to figure out how they feel.
3. They don't obsess over those tiny things and are a heck of a lot less critical of our appearance than we are. That's good for me, because I refuse to put on airs for anyone. But sometimes I do look in the mirror and hate all the "flaws," as I see them. Men? They don't even notice; heck, they don't even notice when we get a haircut - and that's a GOOD thing!
4. Men have an unnatural ability to just make me burst out laughing. Who doesn't need a little laughter in their life?
5. Men are adorable.
6. Men don't pretend to like something if they, well, really, really don't like it. Props for honesty.
7. Men realize everything isn't and shouldn't be perfect.
8. Men can be pretty handy with a hammer and nail.
9. Men don't throw around the words "I love you" very lightly, so when he says it to you, he probably means it (and if he's just trying to get you in the bedroom, you KNOW he doesn't mean it, so kick him to the curb ASAP).
10. Men are incredibly loyal to their friends, so there's none of that Mean Girls-type gossip and backstabbing going on.
LOVE, ETCETERA
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Showing posts with label Love Lessons. Show all posts Showing posts with label Love Lessons. Show all postsWednesday, September 2, 2009
I'm Sorry.
I've had this one written for almost a week now and have been debating whether or not I should share it. But, in the name of honesty and complete disclosure (and, ironically, closure for myself), I've decided to take the plunge. So...here...goes...
I sit alone in my room
Still reeling from the words I said to you
They're the kind of words I never thought I'd say
But maybe I had to anyway
Stephen was the sort of guy who played it cool
He caught my eye, but he never had a clue
Of how I really felt inside
I was just some girl he knew
We were just kids back then
Back when my story began
In those first moments, I saw something in him
I wondered if he'd ever feel that same connection
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
I should have told you everything
But you have a way of making me come unglued
I'm speechless when I'm around you
Can't you see me shaking, trying desperately to keep my heart from breaking?
I'm sorry the words got in the way of all the things I meant to say
Seems I'm always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
We really were just two kids back then
And maybe all these words are just too late
But in the end, I just want you to know what it all meant
Because now we're just two adults trying to find our way
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
I saw you the other day
And I won't be sorry when I say, it took me back
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
Falling, falling in love with the fantasy
Spinning, spinning 'round in my head
Of all the things I wanted us to be
I didn't really mean what I said
What a sad ending to this story
But for what it's worth, I'm sorry
Stephen meets my gaze from across a crowded room
And after all these years, he still leaves me so damn unglued
I wonder if he'll ever see
All the things he meant to me...
xoxo,
[Photos via Abby Sharp and We Heart It]
Posted by Melissa Blake at 1:15 PM 12 Love Notes
Labels: Heartbreak, Love Lessons, Lyrical Gangster, Young Love
Post-Breakup Protocol.
Well, seeing as how the term post-breakup implies there was a breakup which in turn implies there was a relationship which in turn implies there were at least two people in this relationship, you've probably guessed by now that I am indeed not speaking of my own relationship; OK, besides the one-sided ones that play out in my head.
Anyway, so here's the situation. I'll just lay it all on the line like I usually do: Remember Cute Guy Friend? You know, the one who maybe, sort-of, from my end led me on just a bit, until I realized he had a girlfriend. Apparently, I was his girl friend, not his girlfriend (a very key distinction, apparently). Anyway, like the semi-stalker/gawker that I am, I've taken to checking out his Facebook page every once and awhile - though more often when I think of everything I wanted us to be one fateful summer (cue sappy movie music).
What should I find last week? He and said girlfriend are not longer an item. Done. Finished. As in, her status is now "In A Relation With... not Cute Guy Friend.
And that, my friends, is precisely when I became a tiger. No, that's not my stripper name. No, it's not the name I go by when I stand on my corner on a hot Saturday night. I mean I wanted to pounce. Pounce. Pounce. Pounce. Damn, I mean, I really wanted to pounce. I'm sure you know the feeling...you sort of want to make your move quickly and go in for the swooping kill.
In other words: I was that girl. The girl who wanted to prey on the helpless man with a recently broken heart. The man who, for all intents and purposes, has always seen me as a friend. The man who is unbelieveably sweet, funny, charming, the smart lawyer type.
Do you see my dilemma here? I've been practically binding my hands together to stop myself from emailing him. Right. Now. It's just...so...tempting. The way I see it, I have a few options.
1). Send him an email pretending to be my nochalant self, asking him how he's doing and saying we haven't connected in awhile (no, not connected in that way...). In said email, perhaps I'd drop a few hints and see if I can get him to confirm alleged breakup. I would remain at my utmost coy and subtle, of course.
2). Send him an email, but keep it strictly short and friendly. Maybe throw in some small-talk about work or the weather (can you believe the summer is over?...) .
3). Do nothing like I always do.
So tell me, those who obviously know more than I do about this sort of thing: What's the protocol here? How shall I go forth from here?
xoxo,
[Photo via Deerlings & Ghostthings]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 10:00 AM 10 Love Notes
Labels: Cute Guy Friend, Dating, Love Lessons
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Tales From The Trenches Tuesday.
You've listened (well, OK, read) to me prattle on for nine months now about my search for that happy balance between wanting to find love and enjoying the single-life ride along the way. You've cried with you. You've laughed with me. You've probably even laughed at me a few times too (heck, even I've laughed at myself sometimes, so don't feel bad or ashamed or anything).
Now I'd like to hear from you! I'm starting a Tuesday feature called Tales from the Trenches.
The gist: You email me your love/relationship/dating/single life stories (of the horror-movie or romantic comedy variety or both, whichever you prefer), and your story could be featured on any given Tuesday.
Maybe you were left at the altar. Maybe you left the altar. Maybe you broke up via a text message. Maybe you torched his car.
Email me at mellow142 [at] aol [dot] com with your tales, and we can navigate those treacherous trenches (say that 10 times fast!) together!
xoxo,
[Photos via We Heart It]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 3:00 PM 12 Love Notes
Labels: Dating, Love Lessons, Singlehood
Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #34
Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
Every woman, whether she admits it or not, suffers from an acute case of tunnel vision when she first spots a guy. She can’t help but zero in on that one trait she finds simply irresistible. Now, I can’t presume to know what your trigger trait is because, obviously, every woman is different – some go for the deep blue eyes, others prefer the tousled brown hair. I’m an arm and shoulders girl myself. I go weak in the knees for the arms of a strong Heartland farmer and the broad shoulders to match (remember my teenage obsession with the nude model/lifeguard? You could fry an egg on his back in the summertime).
But beyond that, guess what? There’s a whole mess of subtleties we notice. And FYI, slick stud, none of them have anything even remotely to do with however hot you think you are or even if you sport the abs of a Greek god (yeah, right. Like you haven’t used that line once or twice….or three times). Scared yet? You should be.
I'm getting the feeling that you probably did a lot of staring at me when we first met, maybe (OK, probably) not for the right reasons like my beautiful mind and shiny red hair. Maybe you were intimidated - it's happened before. Maybe you just simply didn't know what to say or how to talk to me (tip: it helps if you open your mouth first....).
So I figure it's time for a dose of your own medicine.
Read on, Sweetpea...
We notice how you interact with other women: I once sat in a computer lab with a handsome guy in front of me. He was hot, for sure, but then he called the young woman next to him, “Ma’am.” With that one word, his sexiness factor increased exponentially for me. There’s nothing hotter than a man who is polite and respectful; it’s one of the first things we women notice. If a guy is sweet and a good listener, chances are he’s a keeper. FYI: These same rules apply to how you treat you mother, boys, so for your sake, you better treat her well.
We notice how you carry yourself: Confidence is like chocolate. It’s sweet and delicious in small doses, but one overdose can make you swear it off for life. So if you’re the type of guy who swaggers into a room (Read: LA Hot Shot), why not make the swagger into a casual stroll. On the other hand, when a man knows what he’s talking about without sounding too conceited? Well, that’s just about the sexiest thing there is! So walk that balance beam carefully.
We notice when your dorky side shows: Most guys are afraid to admit they still have a comic book collection or still have their Star Wars action figures, but I actually think those sorts of things are what make a man H-O-T. And when he admits it, he moves up a notch on the temperature gauge. There was a reason everyone fell in love with The O.C.’s Seth Cohen, and it wasn’t because he lived in a cool California mansion. A guy’s dorky side is cute, so why doesn’t he show it more often?
We notice how you treat animals: Ever wonder why so many women love taking their dog to dog parks? The park is bursting at the seams with other dogs – and their gorgeous male owners! Chances are, a man who adores a Dalmatian also has a kind a gentle soul. And don’t forget, it could also be a good indication of the sort of father he’d be – the guy, not the dog, though I suppose the same theory would apply in both cases. But don’t go getting any ideas…it’s not like we think you’re our soul mate and the father of our future children or anything crazy like that.
xoxo,
[Photos via ffffound]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 1:30 PM 7 Love Notes
Labels: Dating, Letters to my future husband, Love Lessons
Monday, August 31, 2009
MEMO TO MEN: Rules Schmules.
MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Rules are made to be broken
DATE: August 31, 2009
A short little lesson for you today, boys. I know you tend to have short attention spans sometimes.
I've never liked rules. I've always hated them, in fact, unless I'm the one imposing them, of course. But what I despise most are those dumb, antiquated 'rules' we feel pressured to follow when it comes to dating. Is this 19th Century Victorian America?
I didn't think so. That's why I'm a rabble-rousing, red-headed, rule-breaker. Are you one too? What are the rules you just refuse to abide by?
If you like him, ignore him
Sorry, can't do this one either. If I like you, you're going to know about it. It might take me longer (OK, wayyyy longer sometimes) to work up the courage to tell you. But beware: I WILL TELL YOU. And you know what? I couldn't give a damn if it looks desperate, clingy or anti-feminist.
The three-day rule
Frankly, that is just the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If you have a good date with someone (OK, an exceptional date), why wouldn't you call them? That's just plain rude, and will probably make them feel like you're ignoring them on purpose or something. And why does calling have to be out of some needy, desperate, dependent void that you're trying desperately to fill? Here's a radical idea (maybe you've never even thought of it before now): You call them because you like them, had a great time and want to get to know them. It doesn't mean you're going too fast, breaking some cardinal rule or are in deep danger of scaring them away. Geez, just pick up the phone already - or send a flirty text if that's more your speed.
Eating out on a date
I've got an appetite....of the food variety, you dirty minds! I'm not ashamed about that. I'm a girl who likes her food, so please don't mind me when I confidently order the ribs or steak on our date. Maybe I'll share. Maybe I won't. You'll just have to ask me out to find out. Oh, and my drink of choice on said date is a root beer. Get used to it.
The end-of-the-date etiquette
I'm a prude, remember? That means the most action you'll get is a friendly handshake. But don't worry. If I really, really like you, it'll be a very, very firm handshake - my version of a passionate goodnight kiss on my front stoop. You know, where our fingers linger with each others for maybe a moment too long.
The quiet ones never flirt
This isn't so much a rule as it is a common myth. And you know I'm always the one to do the whole myth-busting thing. I may be quiet, but I'm turning into the biggest subtle flirt. EVER.
xoxo,
[Photo by ffffound]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 11:45 AM 8 Love Notes
Labels: Dating, Love Lessons, Memo To Men
Thursday, August 27, 2009
MEMO TO MEN: Love Questions.
MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: The Book of Love
DATE: August 27, 2009
Tell me, tell me, tell me/Oh, who wrote the Book Of Love/I've got to know the answer/Was it someone from above
When I was young, I used to listen to that '50s boppity song "Book of Love" with raptured attention. And like a child, I took it in literal terms. There really was a book out there that held all the questions about this crazy little thing called love, huh? A book of Frequently Asked Questions? That seemed like a handy, dandy little book. I just had to get my hands on it. Not that I was much interested in love then, but I figured it would be something I could at least show off to all the cool kids at recess.
Obviously, I never did find said book. As a result, I've amassed quite a long list of "love questions" over the years. Maybe a few more questions than I care to admit, but here are The Top 5...
Is there such a thing as The One?
I'll admit: I used to be a staunch believer in this one (although you probably already came to that conclusion by now). The whole idea that my soul mate was out there, somewhere in this big, wide world, and we were just waiting to meet each other (well, have fate bring us together, actually) sounded like the perfect fairy tale. EVER. Now I'm not so sure I believe that there's just ONE person meant for you. I still believe in fairy tales, but more of a modified, modern one - Princess Charming included.
How do you know you're in love?
Will it be the equivalent of the Big Bang Theory in my heart, with my blood pumping and pulsating and just all-around overflowing with joyousness? My mother knew she was in love when she found all my dad's quirks cute instead of annoying (trust me, those quirks were indeed annoying!). And my grandmother married my grandfather after dating for less than a year, right before he was shipped off during WWII. So maybe it's something you just have to dive into and access the terrain as you go - beware of prickly thorns, though!
Is a first kiss really that powerful?
I've never heard so many adjectives used to describe a single verb in my life: explosive, jaw-dropping, exquisite, magical, overpowering, gorgeous. Is it really fireworks and all that like everyone would lead you to believe? I love how they portray kisses in movies, usually under a street lamp at night or on a train platform. Such a dramatic lead up (a long, heartfelt speech, or, in other cases, an agrey screaming match) and then a passionate kiss. With my luck, those supposed fireworks would turn out to be misfired nuclear weapons. We're talking on a scale of mass destruction here.
Are you really allowed only one of Cupid's arrows?
If this is true, then I'd like a refund, Cupid. I think my arrow got stuck in the trees or something. Oh, and does that Love Potion #9 come with free refills? Also, is there some sort of punch card or savings club I could join? You know, buy 4 glasses of Love Potion and the 5th one is free. Could be a good marketing move, too, you never know.
Will I ever find love?
I'm attractive on the inside. I know that. So why, then, does that never feel like enough? And who's ever going to find me one ounce of beautiful?
So there you have it. Yet I'm not sure: Should I go searching for it, or let it come to me? I'm thinking my endless searching hasn't proved too effective in the past, so I'm figuring I should set up camp on my back porch, glass of apple juice in hand, put my feet up and wait for my qurky other half.
What about you? What questions have filled your "Book of Love"?
xoxo,
[Photos via Bliss and ffffound]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 10:00 AM 9 Love Notes
Labels: Love Lessons, Memo To Men
Flawed Is The New Beautiful.
Everything looks good from the outside. Perfect, even. The house on the end of the busy street, with its perfectly manicured lawn and its beautiful olive-green shutters. The majestic blue 1950s Corvette, its fresh coat of paint still soft to the touch.
The same logic applies to people, too. The super mom that never seems to break a sweat and always greets you with a smile and kind words. The colleague who never misses a day of work — or a deadline. And you wonder where on earth you can purchase her “happy” pills.
But if you dig a little deeper, scratching below the surface ever so slightly, things — and people — may not always come up roses. Somewhere along the way, we must have missed the memo that brought us the heartbreaking news that, no, life isn’t always perfect. No matter how much we wish it to be. No matter how much we try to make it so, or ignore all the things that make it not so perfect.
All too often, we’re so quick to say, “Wow, that’s perfect. Aren’t those people perfect?” But like the beauty on the outside, looks — and of course attitudes — can be deceiving, and I can’t help but question: Does a pretty outside serve to hide the not-so-pretty, ugly inside? And, why is it so hard to tell people how we really feel? Why do we feel like we have to hide? And, if we’re always putting on an act for people, doesn’t it become that much har der to truly know someone?
I’ll be the first to admit the last year of my life hasn’t exactly been my favorite — one catastrophe seemed to follow another like the domino effect. You wouldn’t know that from the outside, though. My cheery personality masked all those falling dominos. Whenever anyone asked the all-too-popular question, “How are you,” I’d reply like I usually do.
“Oh I’m fine.”
“I can’t complain.”
“I’m good. And you?”
I got really good at it too. I half felt like a talking puppet. Pull a string, and I’ll whip out one of many stock phrases programmed into me
Isn’t that what people want to hear, I thought? I certainly didn’t want to burden them with my problems, and frankly, if I told them how I really felt (those gut-wrenching, pounding-a-pillow thoughts we keep tucked deep in our hearts — they’d probably ask me if I got that info from some Lifetime movie of the week. I knew it wouldn’t be pretty.
Or maybe I’ve grown to like the cheery response because it’s safe. I could keep my guard up and keep my secrets to myself. I feared that if I said exactly how I felt (that my world felt like it was crumbling, that I missed my dad more and more every day and that, well, you know what, sometimes it IS hard to be physically handicapped), all the floodgates would open and I'd become unhinged — a bubbling mess right there in the middle of aisle four of the grocery store. My image would be shattered. Forever.
Come to think of it, it’s a little ironic that my dad was the only one who never seemed to expect those stock answers. My mom’s friend, Cheryl, who she’s known since high school, is the same way. You can let your guard down with her because she lets her guard down with you. She listens. No matter how whiny you are or no matter how grumpy you become. And she knows we’ll do the same for her. Any time. Any where.
Maybe in the end, that’s all any of us ever wants. A world and an ear without judgment. A safe haven for our weary heads and hearts.
But that’s not what people want to hear. They want to see how well we’re doing, so out of habit, we put on our “party face” wherever we go: the smiling, glowing, “I’m-in-control” face. Pretty soon, the face is blended with our true selves and we begin to wonder which is which. We’ve lost ourselves in the process of trying to “present” ourselves to the world.
It’s not anyone’s fault. No one is to blame, of course; it’s just that we’re a product of our culture, whether we like it or not. We expect people to “pull themselves up by their boot straps,” to be the strong, silent type. Any hint of emotion and we get scared.
Sadly, though, there has to be some point where we realize that’s not healthy. We can’t get to know someone, really know them, if we’re not willing to get to know all of them. Scars and flaws and problems included.
What would our world look like if, instead of soldiering our emotions, we laid them out. Not because we want sympathy (OK, maybe sometimes we do), but because we can’t go through life alone. We need people. No one is an island, contrary to that pesky rumor Simon and Garkfunkel started.
I challenge you this week to shred those stock answers you give — and get. Dig a little deeper. You just might realize you’re not so scared of what you find after all.
xoxo,
[Photos via Breakdown!]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 8:00 AM 12 Love Notes
Labels: Life, Love Lessons, Newspaper Columns
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #33
Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
Marie Claire magazine's male blogger recently wrote about relationship deal sealers, and isn't just so refreshing to see a list like this instead of the list of dealbreakers I wrote about a few weeks ago?
To show you that I don't always have to be the glass-half-empty girl, here are some of my very own deal-sealers. You'd better take notes, sweetpea (awww, you love the name? Thank you) -- or better yet, why not print this and keep it in your wallet next to that photo of this year's "to die for" swimsuit model. What? You don't have such a blatantly disgusting photo in said wallet? You're a good boy.
A straight shooter
Those mind games, I admit, can be fun at first - even I play them (and damn well, I might add). It's almost like pre-relationship flirting...a subtle way of courting. But once we've moved past the pre-relationship stage (read: We're IN a relationship), a bucket load of cryptic messages and mixed signals just gets old and, frankly, childish. Really old and really childish. Really, really faaaaaaast. I need someone like me, someone who tells it like it is, and isn't afraid to say things. If you come with no decoding or assembly required, we're have a grand time. Even something as simple and obvious as asking me out (Let's review: Saying "we should probably hang out and see where it goes..." is not the way to ask me out; that's what you'd say to your biology lab partner about your experiment that's due on Monday. I need a formal invitation here....).
A laugh machine
It's no secret that I've been through a lot and seen even more than that in my 27 years, so someone I can have fun with is practically an automatic deal-sealer. Guys who make me laugh also have a cute way of making me feel very comfortable and at ease around them, instead of my awkward default setting. Plus, laughter is a sign that a guy enjoys life. How damn sexy is that? I think that's why I've leaned toward falling for younger guys lately. They just have a way of making me smile, of forgetting all the bad stuff. And they're just darn adorable.
A little damaged
I'll be the first to admit that I've got my own set of scars - both literally and figuratively. Still, I've noticed myself falling for the ones who are a bit emotionally damaged. Call me crazy, but I actually find it a bit sexy - the idea, however misguided it might be - of being that person who could turn a guy's life around and help him believe in love again. Why else would I continue searching for a real-life Chuck Bass or Dr. Gregory House?
A little bit country...or a little bit rock 'n roll
I know, it's a bit shameful and a huge cliche, but if I hear that a guy is in a band, he automatically moves up a notch or two on the hotness scale. And if he's the lead singer (with a guitar slung from his back and a notepad in his pocket for writing down all those introspective lyrics)? Well, I just might have to marry him right then and there. Plus, who hasn't heard of a musician who is at least a little bit emotionally damaged?
A family man
A guy who is close to his family is a guy who has a good head on his shoulders and an even bigger heart. He knows what really matters in life, and if you ask me, that's just plain and simple one of the sexiest traits in the entire world. Plus, his dad could give you a sneak peak into what he'll be like in a few decades.
What are your absolute deal sealers? Is there that one single thing a guy can do that will make you fall head over feet? Besides me, of course... Until we meet...
xoxo,
[Photo via We Heart It]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 11:32 AM 2 Love Notes
Labels: Letters to my future husband, Love Lessons
MEMO TO MEN: Awkward Is The New Cool.
MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Beware of my awesome strength
DATE: August 26, 2009
Apparently, I'm quite the intimidating creature...and apparently freakishly strong as well. Yesterday, I asked David (who by the way, is pretty cute and charming) of The Rest Is Still Unwritten (coincidentally, his blog is pretty cute and charming as well) why on Earth he never accepted my Facebook friend request. Was I not worthy? Was it me? He replied, and this is in his exact words:
Yes it’s you. You intimidated with me your freakishly strong arm wrestling skills & now I’m frighten I’ve met a girl that could kick my ass!
I just had to laugh, almost outloud, though I had to surpress the laugh seeing as I was sitting in the dead-silent computer lab and I have a (freakishly loud laugh; my sister says it's more of a cackle, but that's a blog subject for another time)
But, the man does have a point. Yes, sirs, you are damn right. I could kick your ass into next week. Maybe even into the next galaxy. What I love about my disability is that it's given me some serious upper-body strength. I can be anyone at an arm-wrestling match. Anyone. I've got muscle, which sometimes makes me a bit awkward (well, more than my standard awkwardness anyway...), but I'm figuring it could come in handy in qualifying for the US Olympic team if they ever create an arm-wrestling event.
So, boys, remember this: Don't let my small size fool you. Ever. I may be small, but the upper half of me can blow you away. What do you think of that? POW!
Be sure to look for David's guest-post on So about what I said... coming soon. Maybe he likes being intimidated by me? Who knows.
xoxo,
[Photo via We Heart It]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 9:00 AM 11 Love Notes
Labels: Love Lessons, Memo To Men, Random Fun
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Candie's Controversy: Smart Is The New Sexy.
Editor's Note: I thought I'd take a closer look at my blog's taglines this week. Check back tomorrow and Thursday as I explore the other two phrases. Enjoy!
Have you been following the controversy over the Candie's Foundation's Abstinence-theme T-shirt campaign? The Foundation, which works to prevent teen pregnancy, partnered with Seventeen magazine for a contest to come up with a new slogan. The winner, Sarina Adams, came up with this latest "Be Sexy" slogan.
The Foundation aims to "educate on the consequences of teen pregnancy [and challenge] America's youth to make healthy decisions about sex," according to a PR rep.
I applaud this T-shirt slogan 110 percent. Critics of the campaign say the Tee is sending teens mixed messages by encouraging them to be sexy, yet at the same time, refrain from having sex.
See, this is exactly what I have a problem with: The inherent intertwining of the terms sexy and sex. You apparently can't have one without the other, society beats into our heads. Since when does being a virgin mean you can't be sexy? The two, as I see it, aren't mutual exclusive. What ever happened to the idea that leaving some mystery and something to the imagination can be incredibly sexy? I'm a virgin, but you know what? That doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm sexy.
Oh, and don't even get me going on the whole idea that sexy can only apply to all things physical. Guess what? It doesn't. Haven't you ever met anyone (besides me, of course) whose personality was just the sexiest thing ever?
Something as simple as a feeling can be sexy - the way a guy makes you feel (not physically, people!), a guy who writes a song for you (I'm still waiting for that one, guys...hint, hint). For example, David of The Rest Is Still Unwritten recently told me he thought it was cute and hilarious when I said that guys should find it very hot that I've been featured in countless medical journals. I know he didn't mean sexy, but c'mon, even that is sexy, right?
Heck, I've found of late that even anticipation can be an extremely sexy thing thanks to a certain new guy, though I'm keeping that on the down-low for right now...
I don't know about you, but I'm scared of a society that chooses to define sexy in such narrow-minded terms. Good for Candie's to be a company to think outside the box for once. They have a unique opportunity here to show the world - and especially teens - that sexy isn't just about how you look, what you're wearing or what you're doing with who. There's so much more to you, and a guy who truly loves you will applaud and respect that.
And lest we not forget part of my slogan: SMART IS THE NEW SEXY.
Bottom line: Don't be surprised if you someday spot me sporting this exact shirt. I'll flaunt it proudly. The shirt, that is...
On a side note, I've always loved these other slogans:
"Be Sexy: It Doesn't Mean You Have to Have Sex"
"Be Smart: You Are Too Young to Start."
xoxo,
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 12:15 PM 9 Love Notes
Labels: Entertainment and Media, Love Lessons
Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #32
Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
It's come to my attention that, during the course of our whirlwind, sweeping romance, I may have let you off the hook a little too easily. I probably bit my tongue and let some things slide, didn't I? Dammit, love has forsaken me, hasn't it? Gosh, I hope it really hasn't turned me into a weeping sad sack. And I'm not talking about the pretty kind you like to cuddle and comfort either.
I'm talking about the walk-all-over-me, I'm-your-doormat sort of sap. Because FYI, Sweetpea (I think that's going to be my name for you; get used to it), there are just some things I refuse to tolerate.
So maybe you should have an emergency suitcase packed like a pregnant woman who's 3 weeks past her due date. Because like a baby, when I spot one of these dealbreakers, I'm charging head-first forward. Your tush will hit the lawn faster than a football hits the 50-yard line.
Now, lest you think I'm being harsh, rude or just genuinely and excessively mean, I have just four words for you: STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM. I know you have a huge list of dealbreakers of your own; maybe some of you even keep a running tally in a notebook hidden under your mattress next to your stack of vintage Playboys (don't think I haven't discovered those, either; I'm a journalist, remember? It's my job). Frankly, I don't really care. You're allowed to have yours and by golly, I'm allowed to have mine.
So grab a notebook and take notes, Sweetpea...
You can't handle my disability
This, my friends, marks the blatant immaturity of a man. If a man is uncomfortable, repulsed or in any way thinks my disability should resign me to a life indoors, undeserving of the same love and passion other women are free to go after, then you can be sure I'll leave him in the dust faster than his little rat brain can process. And to those who say that my disability is a valid dealbreaker, that some people just wouldn't be able to handle it, I ask this question: Where shall we draw the line then? Maybe a woman - or a man - with a birth mark should be lumped into the disabled category too?
You don't respect my V Club membership
Let me just say this: I made virgity, prudishness and chastity hip and cool long before those Disney kids "supposedly" did. If any guy thinks he can sweet-talk or finagle his way....well, you know...he's the double Ds: Disrespectful and Dumb. I don't think I could make it any clearer.
FYI: Virginity is hot. I don't care what anyone says.
You name your....car
What did you think I meant? I'm sorry, but any any guy who personifies his car (i.e. naming it Susie, and when said car breaks, feels the need to say "Awww, poor Susie isn't feeling well." We get it. You love your car. What we don't get, though, is if you know the difference between a car and an actual, living person with a pulse and a heartbeat.
You are just so darn in love....with yourself
Have I mentioned before how irritating it is to have an entire conversation with someone who, if he had the power, would annoint himself a Greek God? Yup, he thinks that highly of himself. And that's not very pretty, is it? Of course I want to learn all about you, but at least save a little something for after the appetizers. Or at least let me drown myself in another root beer before you begin another tale about the great moments in your life.
You are one of the 3 Ls
Liar, Loser or Lazy. There's just too much damage there that even I couldn't work with that. I am so in tune with people that I can spot a liar a million miles away, so there's no use trying to pull a fast one of me. You'd probably be too slow for that anyway.
So what are your dealbreakers? What are the things you simply won't compromise on? READ: NOT compromising is a good thing! Really! Until we meet...
xoxo,
[Photos via We Heart It]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 9:45 AM 5 Love Notes
Labels: Disability, Letters to my future husband, Love Lessons
Monday, August 24, 2009
Surrender.
There comes a time when you just have to realize that something might be over. There's nothing you did or didn't do. That's just life, but it's frustrating when you feel like you're the only person feeling anything - in any sort of relationship, romantic or otherwise. Right....?
What if I really told you how I felt?
Just layed all my feelings on the line
What if I started the conversation I've been having in my head
Would that at least start a fight
It was those parts we played that broke our hearts and tore us apart
I was the giver, you were the taker
You were the fighter, I was the peacemaker
So it looks like I might as well surrender
We're not getting anywhere tonight
And I shouldn't have to fight for all the memories I'm trying to remember
So just go home
Because in the end, baby, there are just some things
We'll never know
The awkward silence is all too loud
Your cutting words, they just drown me
Before I can get out of this mess you've made
Is it really too late?
It was those parts we played that broke our hearts and tore us apart
I was the giver, you were the taker
You were the fighter, I was the peacemaker
So it looks like I might as well surrender
We're not getting anywhere tonight
And I shouldn't have to fight for all the memories I'm trying to remember
So just go home
Because in the end, baby, there are just some things
We'll never know
'Cuz you're feeling nothing
Damn, I wish you felt something
Why am I the only one saying all thoae words you know we're both thinking
It shouldn't hurt this much, the things we discover
So I'll just surrender
So it looks like I might as well surrender
We're not getting anywhere tonight
And I shouldn't have to fight for all the memories I'm trying to remember
So just go home
Because in the end, baby, there are just some things
We'll never know
Surrender
Surrender
Surrender...
Please just go home
'Cuz I don't want to know...
xoxo,
[Photo via Abby Sharp]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 1:00 PM 13 Love Notes
Labels: Love Lessons, Lyrical Gangster
Thursday, August 20, 2009
The Virgin Monologues Part III: Male Virgins Are Hot.
I'll just say it: There’s something incredibly sexy about a male virgin. He oozes with sex appeal, though he's never actually hit the sheets with a women.
Is that weird of me to think that? Am I avoiding some subconscious, repressed memories or something?
A man who chooses to remain a virgin is respected, revered, sometimes even praised. A woman who chooses to remain a virgin is abnormal, weird and in desperate need of some type of intervention. Stat.
But then again, society does seem to prefer women virgins. What's up with that? What do you think?
Maybe this whole thing is really just about me. Maybe I'd feel more comfortable around a male virgin, for obvious reasons. Would I feel less intimidated? Would I not feel like the only innocent one in the room?
I'm not quite sure, exactly, but there's something quite enticing about exploring that realm with someone who's on the same journey, you know? Like something so private that only the two of you share. Together.
xoxo,
[Photos via oh, hello friend]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 7:30 AM 10 Love Notes
Labels: Disability, Life, Love Lessons
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The Virgin Monologues Part II: The Purity Myth Mystique
Yesterday, I explored the virginity stereotypes I've encountered over the years. Obviously, it was Completely false, fabricated and riddled with more foolishness than a carnival of clowns.
Marie Claire recently sat down with co-founder of Feministing, Jessica Valenti. They were discussing the release of her book The Purity Myth. I thought perhaps Valenti’s interview would give me some answers – or at least some intelligent insight. The interview disappointed me greatly. As a virgin reading the interview, it came across as Valenti's attempts to demoralize and criticize virgins, as if we’re somehow the problem, as if we’ve given people, in particular, women who do have sex, a bad name.
It’s all our fault, apparently.
While I do agree with some of Valenti's assertions, some of her quotes did trouble me. Let's explore them, shall we?
"Virginity and chastity are reemerging as a trend in pop culture, in our schools, in the media, and even in legislation."
Neither of these - virginity or chastity - ever left, actually. People just aren't as afraid to openly talk about it now. Something tells me it was those very stereotypes that made it go into temporary hiding in the first place.
"The lie of virginity — the idea that such a thing even exists — is ensuring that young women's perception of themselves is inextricable from their bodies."
Actually, it has absolutely nothing to do with my body. It's quite the opposite in fact. It has everything to do with me respecting myself as a person. The book acts like sex is no big deal. That's the real threat to women in their fight to change the myth a woman's true value is tied only to her body. Don't worry, I'm not one of those "My body is a temple" people, but a woman's body is hers. Why shouldn't she be proud - and protective - of it? Why hop in to bed with any Joe Schmo just to prove that women are just as animalistic as men?
The main misconception of virginity is that it exists! There's no medical definition. It's a completely cultural invention. It's such a huge deal and yet it's so amorphous. There's no real way to define it at all.
Wow, this one perplexed me the most. I just had to sit and stare at that quote for a minute or two. So by the same token, then, the terms slut and promiscuous, but you don't deny that those exist. Interesting.
Finally she says that "America's obsession with virginity is hurting young women." I'd say the opposite it true. Women are constantly bombarded with sexual images every day, images that tell them that if you're not doing these things, well, then there must be something wrong with you. You're abnormal. You're a freak.
"Lose your virginity already," society practically shouts at them. It seems to me that the book - and frankly, society at large - underestimates the role a women's virginity plays in her life. Maybe it's just me coming from my perspective of being a virgin, but did you ever think someone's virginity might, possibly be about something very deeper than sex itself? Feminism itself was founded on the principle that women hold the power to make choices and decisions that are right for them, regardless of the outward pressures they face. It's not about trying to act superior, pure or some "morally elightened" woman. It's not about "sticking it to the sluts."
Shockingly - and probably surprising for a lot of people - it doesn't have to do with ANYONE.
And what's with this whole US vs. THEM mentality? Since when are virgins and non-virgns playing for opposing teams? It's almost as if society wants to pit us against each other in some metaphorical boxing ring. Frankly, I'll have no of it - I just realized the same can be said of my reasons for my virginity. See, we virgins aren't bad people. Get to know us, and you might discover that we're actually funny! Or maybe we're just overcompensating? No, we're most definitely funny!
Yes, a woman's body obviously isn't her defining characteristic. It doesn't define her. Like my disability, one's virginity is merely a part of them, not the part. It scares me when a society seems to be encouraging young women to do things before they're ready. People - and this includes men too - need to go at their own pace.
I feel the same way about the subject of virgity that I do about my disability. Please don't place me - or anyone (and yes, that does include non-virgins) - in your nice little categorical box.
Thank you.
Be sure to tune in tomorrow where I will tackle the male virgin - metaphorically, of course!
xoxo,
[Photos via Abby Sharp]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 11:00 AM 11 Love Notes
Labels: Disability, Life, Love Lessons
Love Lessons: It's OK...
The summer I turned 14, that boy waltzed into my life. I'm sure you know the one I'm talking about - literally and figuratively here. Your first love. It wasn't as if we were strangers who met each other's gaze across a dimly lit room, and after talking and laughing the entire night, decided that we were soulmates.
No, things started off far more innocent than that. We'd already met. Some years before, actually. I'll spare you the starry-eyed details, but suffice it to say, something deep within me shifted one day that summer. I noticed his mop top of black hair, his puppy-dog brown eyes, even the way his smile made me giggle inside. It didn't hurt that his chiseled chin and broad shoulders channeled a young Jake Gyllenhaal.
But it was those eyes. They seemed to look at me in a different way. They pierced right through my soul.I was hooked, and for the next 10 years, I nursed a hopeless crush on him. I'd go out of my way to pass him in the hallway, giving the ever-popular, over-enthusiastic wave.
A few months ago, as I was rummaging through a drawer filled to the brim with memories - pictures, report cards, the lonely Minnie Mouse Pez dispenser searching for her Mickey - I found my seven volumes of journals. Amid the furious scribbles and girly doodles, my eyes began to glaze over with each new entry in which I professed my undying love for the boy. Words like true love and phrases such as “I see myself spending the rest of my life with him” littered each page, in all seriousness, to my 14-year-old self.
And all the while, all I could think of was, “That poor girl.”My adult instinct wanted to reach back in time and shake some sense into her. Didn't she know she was sacrificing who she was all in the name of some guy? Shame on her.But my teenage self wasn't the feminist I am today. Maybe I didn't want to be. Maybe I was innocent enough to go after the fairy tale. Grand social statements be damned!If only we could look back through the lens of womanhood. We could all learn a thing or two from our girlhood crushes.
And so in honor of the Boy I'll Never Forget, I offer these generous gems. I hope my 14-year-old self is listening.
Love Lesson #1: It's OK to like the fantasy more than the reality
The more I got to know him, the more I realized he just didn't measure up to Superman's twin I'd spent years creating and tweaking in my mind. In the fantasy, I could have it all: the perfect date, the most romantic of marriage proposals, the satin, chic white dress, the flawless marriage. The perfect everything.In my fantasy, we could be soulmates who live out their retirement years swinging from a porch swing and sipping tall glasses of lemonade. In my fantasy, we could be anything. We could be everything to each other. In reality, we were acquaintances at best, and I was an awkward teen with oversized glasses and a dorky laugh. But in reality, he wasn't Superman. He was just a man(umm, well not even a man, a boy at the time).
Love Lesson #2 It's OK not to change yourself
When I was 16, I made an extensive list in my journal: WAYS TO GET HIS ATTENTION. Among the must-dos? Use big words. Act smarter. Read The Wall Street Journal. What in the heck was I thinking? I was so willing to change myself at the mere thought that being who I wasn't would be the only way to get him to finally see me. I didn't even care that it would be a fake me - just as long as I could get his attention.
Love Lesson #3: It's OK to still giggle with glee at his Facebook
I'll be the first to admit I squealed louder than a girl going to her first Bobby Sherman concert when my detective skills paid off and I found him on Facebook. Since then, I've logged hours clandestinely keeping tabs on him via the wonders of technology. It's harmless fun, I reason. A fun little trip down memory lane. Pictures, anyone?
Love Lesson #4: It's OK to still feel like a schoolgirl around him
I bumped into him recently for the first time in months. We're both adults now. We're supposed to be mature and have the world all figured out, but for some reason, my hands got clammy, my stomach churned and I became a bumbling nerd. But it felt great. Exhilarating even.
Love Lesson #5: It's OK to let go
This one took me awhile to embrace and I'm not entirely sure if I'm even fully there yet. If I finally said goodbye, would I have really wasted years of my life chasing a hopeless fantasy? But things slowly became all too clear. I'd reasoned for so long that as long as I never disclosed my feelings to him, there would still be the possibility - however slight - that someday, all the hope I'd shored up in my heart would become a blazing reality. I knew I had to close the journal of my life chapter with him. I had other crushes over the years, but he remained my one constant. The crush I could always fall back on, no matter how much time had passed. He remained that warm blanket you snuggle under in the cold winter night. The friend you call at 2 a.m. crying. He was my favorite pair of heels. Something safe and cozy I could easily slip back on as if no time had passed. But the truth was, sadly, that I'd outgrown that shoe, that it no longer felt right. I'd moved on - and grown up - and it was time for a new shoe. Something tells me I'll always remember that shoe, but like fish, they are plenty more shoes in the sea.
What have you learned from a past love, even if it was an unrequited one? Do we even ever get over that first one?
xoxo,
[Photos via Abby Sharp]
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Posted by Melissa Blake at 10:30 AM 7 Love Notes
Labels: Love Lessons, Young Love
Dating With Disabilities: Love And Disability
Teaser: I still have so many questions when it comes to how and why my physical disability affects my love life. But the real question I have to ask myself: What would happen if I just asked a guy out on a date...?
Dating With Disabilities: Love And Disability
xoxo,
[Photo via Le Love]
Posted by Melissa Blake at 7:30 AM 4 Love Notes
Labels: Disability, Love Lessons, Online Columns
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #31
Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
No one knows more about love than the heartbroken. Those whose hearts have been slashed, torn, bruised, thrown away, stomped on and even recycled know all too well that it takes a bit more than some salve and a Batman Band-Aid to heal their wounds and regain their superhero powers.
Simon and Garfunkel are privy to that secret too.
A winter's day/In a deep and dark December/I am alone/Gazing from my window to/the streets below/On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow/I am a rock/ I am an island-- they sang during the swinging '60s - a time of pondering and predicting.
I can't help but feel like a solitary rock. An island tucked deep away from any sign of civilization. Can we ever truly be an island unto ourselves? When does aloneness become loneliness?
Don't talk of love/But I've heard the words before
As much as we want it to be, love isn't always red roses and sweet candy. This week, lovers will be buying roses and carnations by the dozen and walking hand-in-hand with their sweetie as they rifle through that box of candy hearts looking for the perfect sentiment to appropriately mark the occasion.
Take me last year, for example: I had hope. I had determination. I had resolved that I, too, would find my other candy-heart half. I waited and waited - and waited - for my Prince Charming, roses in hand, but neither the horse nor the prince galloped to my doorstep. And when I realized that it was nearly impossible to beat a dead horse who is not even there, I vowed to give it all up. The search over. The curtain closed. Love obviously didn't want me, so I didn't want it. Heck, not only did I not want it, I didn't need it.
I've built walls/A fortress deep and mighty/That none may penetrate
So in an attempt to cloister myself from the world, I found myself on my own island. At first, I felt at home with the surrounding nature. I could sit on the metaphorical sunny and sandy beach all day and bask in having an entire island all to myself. I longed to be a ruler of one, and here I am, finally achieving peace, I thought. Safe. Isolated. Relieved.
And a rock feels no pain/And an island never cries
But happy? I kept waiting for it, hoping it would magically appear or fall from the leaves of the magical palm trees nearby, but it never came. The plain truth was that in my search for shelter, for safety, for some semblance of peace and clarity, I'd accepted seclusion as the most suitable option.
And like the song, I have my own books - or in my case, my own magazines - to protect me. They're my suit of armor -- something I can easily and conveniently hide behind. I'd never have to face anyone as long as I keep a fresh supply of shiny stacks close by. My words could forever be my mask, my own private disguise.
But in reality, can it really be only one or the other? Are we forced to choose between complete aloneness or complete saturation in society?
It can't be that black and white. Because it's got to get pretty lonely on that massive island all by yourself - not to mention all those cold and windy nights. There has to be a boat out on the horizon somewhere. Its lights are peeled ahead, desperately looking for you. And something tells me you're looking for it too because whether I'll admit it or not, I'm looking for that rescue boat too. When it docks at the shore, I'll hop on, but this time, maybe I'll leave the raggedy old books and things behind. After all, do I really actually definitely need them anymore? I think I'm strong enough now to weather the storm without them. Maybe I've found my superhero power once again.
Until we meet...
xoxo,
[Photos via oh, hello friend]
Posted by Melissa Blake at 2:30 PM 4 Love Notes
Labels: Disability, Letters to my future husband, Love Lessons
The Virgin Monologues Part I: OMG, You're Like A 'Virgin' Virgin??
Editor's Note: I received some email last week regarding my Virgin Monologues series, so I thought it only prudent to re-post this ahhhh-mazing (no pun intended) series for all my lovely new readers. Enjoy!
I’ll just say it: I’m 28, love taking long walks sunny days and I’m a virgin.
Yes, as in virgin virgin.
No, I don’t use this line at parties as a way to sound hip or cool, though I am both hip and cool.
Newsflash: I’m content with that. Dare I even say, I’m a bit proud of standing my ground and not being ashamed with MY CHOICE?
A recent interview between Marie Claire magazine and Jessica Valenti, author of The Purity Myth , got me, how shall I say this, a bit hot and bothered – and not in that way, if you catch my meaning.
Why is it such a taboo for a woman to be a virgin?
Why does she (read: me) feel as though she constantly has to explain herself: why she’s a virgin, the reasoning behind her choice, whether there is something “wrong” with her, when she plans to “seal the deal"?
Why on earth does she act so damn righteous about her choice?
Worn out yet from all the questioning?
And worse yet, why does everyone else feel the need to formulate a reason? Does it somehow make them feel better about themselves if they can concretely explain us, the supposed freaks of nature? Do they need to feel superior?
I don’t sit around trying to justify why some people do the Bedroom Rumba before others do, so I ask you: What gives others the right to join in on the crusade to make the term virginity such a bad word in our society? Here’s what I’d like – and I hope I speak on behalf of all virgins out there. You’re not alone; well, unless you’re in bedroom, but again, that’s your choice, for you to make, to decide what is right for you:
Don’t judge: Just stop believing the stereotypes. Please. It’s just getting old, and quite frankly, a bit sad. No, I'm not a member of some church cult (I'm actually anti-church, thank you). No, my disability isn't the reason. I don't think that my being a virgin makes me "pure" or any of those other crazy terms floating around out there. And I'm definitely not some repressed girl with family issues. In fact, I think I've heard 'em all, so no other "far-out" stereotypes people make would surprise me anymore. Sorry to disappoint you on that one.
Be respectful: Here we are, back to that word choice again. Need I remind you that it is my choice? You can never understand a person or her life until you've walked in her shoes (or in my case, taken a ride in my wheelchair - no, that is not some coy euphemism). I may not agree with your choices and you may not agree with mine. That doesn't mean we should still respect each other.
Don’t be afraid to ask: Obviously, I don’t walk around wearing a T-shirt that says “Living Virgin” with an arrow pointing upward to me, though that would probably give me some funny looks, wouldn't it? Come to think of it, it's almost worth doing just for the comic value alone.
Back off: I think this one is self-explanatory, both to the anti-virgins out there and to guys in general.
Will I end up being a real-life 40-year-old virgin? Who knows. Do I care? Hell no.
xoxo,
[Photos via oh, hello friend]
Posted by Melissa Blake at 12:30 PM 7 Love Notes
Labels: Disability, Life, Love Lessons
MEMO TO MEN: Missed Connections.
Editor's Note: This was my frame of mind almost 9 months ago. It looks like some things never change, huh? Will I ever get the hang of this? What do guys think of awkward-flirty type girls?
MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: That awkward girl sitting next to you
RE: Why she's staring
DATE: August 18, 2009
So as some of you may know, two months ago, as I was writing in the computer lab, my eyes drifted away from my computer screen and my hands stop mid-type when I saw the most gorgeous guy (and yes, I'm going to sound like a teenybopper, but I don't care.). EVER. He seriously looked like he'd just strutted off the runway or jumped out of one of those hot Calvin Klein ads. Do the Illinois cornfields really produce such gorgeousness, I wondered?
I thought for a moment about how to handle the whole situation, since I was obviously as smitten as a kitten, about how I could get Model Man's attention. Oh, wait, I thought. I'm sitting in front of the best relationship gadget of our time: The Internet. A few clicks and types later and I had this message posted on MySpace and Facebook:
To The Cute Guy In The Computer Lab
Yeah, I kmow it's a long shot, but if you were the cutie in the Kish computer lab (the big lab in the new wing) at around 9:15 this morning, just wanted to say I think you're cute! You were wearing a blue shirt and brown khakis, and I thought our eyes maybe, possibly, could have met (or maybe it was just me). It probably was just me.
At any rate, I'm not a stalker. Really. I'm just a horribly bad flirt.
As is status quo with me, I never did find out anything about Model Man, not even a name! And then THIS MORNING, I'm sitting in the computer lab (again) and see a man who looks suspiciously like Model Man (again!). Well, I was all I could do to keep from squealing like I did during my Nsync phase, before Justin got a huge head and broke up the group (which, by the way, is very Unsexy! Boo, JT!). Anyway, my heart is hoping it's the same guy. Either that or he has an identical twin, which wouldn't be a bad deal either, would it?
But yet again, I can't even work up the courage to say hello, let alone thing of some witty comment that'll knock him off his feet. Which makes me wonder: How do some people have the confidence to approach people? How do YOU find the confidence? What are your special tips and tricks?
P.S. As I type this, I just noticed he came back. Oh no? Did he see me type this? Part of me hopes not. But a bigger part of me does....
P.P.S. Gosh, he just called a woman "Miss." I think I'm in love.....
P.P.P.S. I JUST got a glimpse of his face, and WOW, he looks just like Dean from Supernatural. I AM in love....
UPDATE: As he was leaving the computer lab, I tried to give a smile, thought we might have made eye contact and realized we probably didn't. Oh well.
xoxo,
[Photos via ffffound]
Posted by Melissa Blake at 8:00 AM 14 Love Notes
Labels: Love Lessons, Missed Connections, Singlehood
Thursday, August 13, 2009
MEMO TO MEN: What A Mighty Good Man.
MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: What a man, what a man
DATE: August 13, 2009
Men get a bad rep. Granted, sometimes it is warranted (like when he's trying to be mysterious on purpose or act cool when, frankly, he's neither of the two).
I've never been one of those women who get a kick out of insulting the opposite (except when it's warranted, of course). Why? Do I some sort of disease or something, an incurable case of Male Stupidity Blindness?
I don't think it's as serious as all that. Really. I'm a feminist, mind you, but I can't help how I feel.
I say enough with the man bashing already! Let's not forget that they do have their good qualities, too.
And with that, here are my Top Ten Reasons I Love Men, plain and simple (which, ironically, is how I like my men too).
1. They may say they like blonde, swimsuit models, but they'll ultimately (and fully) admit that it would get old eventually - the ideal and the woman. They really do like quirky girls (SCORE!).
2. You can take what they say at face value. There's no hidden message encoded in their language, unlike women (I'll admit that even I'm guilty of saying one thing and meaning another. Men say what they mean and mean what they say. Phew! At least you don't need to be a detective to figure out how they feel.
3. They don't obsess over those tiny things and are a heck of a lot less critical of our appearance than we are. That's good for me, because I refuse to put on airs for anyone. But sometimes I do look in the mirror and hate all the "flaws," as I see them. Men? They don't even notice; heck, they don't even notice when we get a haircut - and that's a GOOD thing!
4. Men have an unnatural ability to just make me burst out laughing. Who doesn't need a little laughter in their life?
5. Men are adorable.
6. Men don't pretend to like something if they, well, really, really don't like it. Props for honesty.
7. Men realize everything isn't and shouldn't be perfect.
8. Men can be pretty handy with a hammer and nail.
9. Men don't throw around the words "I love you" very lightly, so when he says it to you, he probably means it (and if he's just trying to get you in the bedroom, you KNOW he doesn't mean it, so kick him to the curb ASAP).
10. Men are incredibly loyal to their friends, so there's none of that Mean Girls-type gossip and backstabbing going on.
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