Love Rules

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Jade
RE: The Book of Love
DATE: September 3, 2009


Tell me, tell me, tell me/Oh, who wrote the Book Of Love/I've got to know the answer/Was it someone from above



I've never liked rules. I've always hated them, in fact, unless I'm the one imposing them, of course. But what I despise most are those dumb, antiquated 'rules' we feel pressured to follow when it comes to dating. Is this 19th Century Victorian America?

I didn't think so. That's why I'm a rabble-rousing, red-headed, rule-breaker. Are you one too? What are the rules you just refuse to abide by?

If you like him, ignore him
Sorry, can't do this one either. If I like you, you're going to know about it. It might take me longer (OK, wayyyy longer sometimes) to work up the courage to tell you. But beware: I WILL TELL YOU. And you know what? I couldn't give a damn if it looks desperate, clingy or anti-feminist.

The three-day rule
Frankly, that is just the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If you have a good date with someone (OK, an exceptional date), why wouldn't you call them? That's just plain rude, and will probably make them feel like you're ignoring them on purpose or something. And why does calling have to be out of some needy, desperate, dependent void that you're trying desperately to fill? Here's a radical idea (maybe you've never even thought of it before now): You call them because you like them, had a great time and want to get to know them. It doesn't mean you're going too fast, breaking some cardinal rule or are in deep danger of scaring them away. Geez, just pick up the phone already - or send a flirty text if that's more your speed.

Eating out on a date
I've got an appetite....of the food variety, you dirty minds! I'm not ashamed about that. I'm a girl who likes her food, so please don't mind me when I confidently order the ribs or steak on our date. Maybe I'll share. Maybe I won't. You'll just have to ask me out to find out. Oh, and my drink of choice on said date is a root beer. Get used to it.

The end-of-the-date etiquette
I'm a prude, remember? That means the most action you'll get is a friendly handshake. But don't worry. If I really, really like you, it'll be a very, very firm handshake - my version of a passionate goodnight kiss on my front stoop. You know, where our fingers linger with each others for maybe a moment too long.

The quiet ones never flirt
This isn't so much a rule as it is a common myth. And you know I'm always the one to do the whole myth-busting thing. I may be quiet, but I'm turning into the biggest subtle flirt. EVER.