It's Spring.
Time for a change.
The flowers bloom and the days get longer.
And Summer's just around the corner
Monday, August 31, 2009
Always you and me
I wrote this in bed on Sunday morning.
The lyrics just flowed I guess.
There was a tune in my head
What do you think
I'm the girl who likes to lay in bed on a Sunday morning
Just watching the sun dance across my bedroom wall
I'm the girl who doesn't think twice about going outside
Without any makeup on at all
I'm not that hard to figure out
And I'm not afraid of showing you what I'm all about
It's a twist of fate
It's a stroke of luck
It's those little moments that mean so damn much
Never backing down, never giving in
Getting knocked down and getting up again
It's bittersweet, it's memories
It's most of me
I'm the girl who puts on a brave face
Even if I don't believe it
I'm the girl who says she doesn't care what people think
And I mean it
It's a twist of fate
It's a stroke of luck
It's those little moments that mean so damn much
Never backing down, never giving in
Getting knocked down and getting up again
It's bittersweet, it's memories
It's most of me
'Cause in this life, it's easy to see
That I'd rather be who I am instead of someone's idea of who I'm supposed to be
It's a twist of fate
It's a stroke of luck
It's those little moments that mean so damn much
Never backing down, never giving in
Getting knocked down and getting up again
It's bittersweet, it's memories
It's most of me
It's a twist of fate
It's a stroke of luck
It's those little moments that mean so damn much
Never backing down, never giving in
Getting knocked down and getting up again
It's bittersweet, it's memories
It's most of me
Just look closely and you'll see
Most of me...
The lyrics just flowed I guess.
There was a tune in my head
What do you think
I'm the girl who likes to lay in bed on a Sunday morning
Just watching the sun dance across my bedroom wall
I'm the girl who doesn't think twice about going outside
Without any makeup on at all
I'm not that hard to figure out
And I'm not afraid of showing you what I'm all about
It's a twist of fate
It's a stroke of luck
It's those little moments that mean so damn much
Never backing down, never giving in
Getting knocked down and getting up again
It's bittersweet, it's memories
It's most of me
I'm the girl who puts on a brave face
Even if I don't believe it
I'm the girl who says she doesn't care what people think
And I mean it
It's a twist of fate
It's a stroke of luck
It's those little moments that mean so damn much
Never backing down, never giving in
Getting knocked down and getting up again
It's bittersweet, it's memories
It's most of me
'Cause in this life, it's easy to see
That I'd rather be who I am instead of someone's idea of who I'm supposed to be
It's a twist of fate
It's a stroke of luck
It's those little moments that mean so damn much
Never backing down, never giving in
Getting knocked down and getting up again
It's bittersweet, it's memories
It's most of me
It's a twist of fate
It's a stroke of luck
It's those little moments that mean so damn much
Never backing down, never giving in
Getting knocked down and getting up again
It's bittersweet, it's memories
It's most of me
Just look closely and you'll see
Most of me...
Perfection.
Everything looks good from the outside. Perfect, even. The house on the end of the busy street, with its perfectly manicured lawn and its beautiful olive-green shutters. The majestic blue 1950s Corvette, its fresh coat of paint still soft to the touch.
The same logic applies to people, too. The super mom that never seems to break a sweat and always greets you with a smile and kind words. The colleague who never misses a day of work — or a deadline. And you wonder where on earth you can purchase her “happy” pills.
But if you dig a little deeper, scratching below the surface ever so slightly, things — and people — may not always come up roses. Somewhere along the way, we must have missed the memo that brought us the heartbreaking news that, no, life isn’t always perfect. No matter how much we wish it to be. No matter how much we try to make it so, or ignore all the things that make it not so perfect.
All too often, we’re so quick to say, “Wow, that’s perfect. Aren’t those people perfect?” But like the beauty on the outside, looks — and of course attitudes — can be deceiving, and I can’t help but question: Does a pretty outside serve to hide the not-so-pretty, ugly inside? And, why is it so hard to tell people how we really feel? Why do we feel like we have to hide? And, if we’re always putting on an act for people, doesn’t it become that much har der to truly know someone?
I’ll be the first to admit the last year of my life hasn’t exactly been my favorite — one catastrophe seemed to follow another like the domino effect. You wouldn’t know that from the outside, though. My cheery personality masked all those falling dominos. Whenever anyone asked the all-too-popular question, “How are you,” I’d reply like I usually do.
“Oh I’m fine.”
“I can’t complain.”
“I’m good. And you?”
I got really good at it too. I half felt like a talking puppet. Pull a string, and I’ll whip out one of many stock phrases programmed into me
Isn’t that what people want to hear, I thought? I certainly didn’t want to burden them with my problems, and frankly, if I told them how I really felt (those gut-wrenching, pounding-a-pillow thoughts we keep tucked deep in our hearts — they’d probably ask me if I got that info from some Lifetime movie of the week. I knew it wouldn’t be pretty.
Or maybe I’ve grown to like the cheery response because it’s safe. I could keep my guard up and keep my secrets to myself. I feared that if I said exactly how I felt that my world felt like it was crumbling each day. Well, you know what, sometimes it's just hard not being able to do the things you love, all the floodgates would open and I'd become unhinged — a bubbling mess right there in the middle of aisle four of the grocery store. My image would be shattered. Forever.
Come to think of it, it’s a little ironic that my dad was the only one who never seemed to expect those stock answers. My mom’s friend, Cheryl, who she’s known since high school, is the same way. You can let your guard down with her because she lets her guard down with you. She listens. No matter how whiny you are or no matter how grumpy you become. And she knows we’ll do the same for her. Any time. Any where.
Maybe in the end, that’s all any of us ever wants. A world and an ear without judgment. A safe haven for our weary heads and hearts.
But that’s not what people want to hear. They want to see how well we’re doing, so out of habit, we put on our “party face” wherever we go: the smiling, glowing, “I’m-in-control” face. Pretty soon, the face is blended with our true selves and we begin to wonder which is which. We’ve lost ourselves in the process of trying to “present” ourselves to the world.
It’s not anyone’s fault. No one is to blame, of course; it’s just that we’re a product of our culture, whether we like it or not. We expect people to “pull themselves up by their boot straps,” to be the strong, silent type. Any hint of emotion and we get scared.
Sadly, though, there has to be some point where we realize that’s not healthy. We can’t get to know someone, really know them, if we’re not willing to get to know all of them. Scars and flaws and problems included.
What would our world look like if, instead of soldiering our emotions, we laid them out. Not because we want sympathy (OK, maybe sometimes we do), but because we can’t go through life alone. We need people. No one is an island, contrary to that pesky rumor Simon and Garkfunkel started.
I challenge you to shred those stock answers you give — and get. Dig a little deeper. You just might realize you’re not so scared of what you find after all.
The same logic applies to people, too. The super mom that never seems to break a sweat and always greets you with a smile and kind words. The colleague who never misses a day of work — or a deadline. And you wonder where on earth you can purchase her “happy” pills.
But if you dig a little deeper, scratching below the surface ever so slightly, things — and people — may not always come up roses. Somewhere along the way, we must have missed the memo that brought us the heartbreaking news that, no, life isn’t always perfect. No matter how much we wish it to be. No matter how much we try to make it so, or ignore all the things that make it not so perfect.
All too often, we’re so quick to say, “Wow, that’s perfect. Aren’t those people perfect?” But like the beauty on the outside, looks — and of course attitudes — can be deceiving, and I can’t help but question: Does a pretty outside serve to hide the not-so-pretty, ugly inside? And, why is it so hard to tell people how we really feel? Why do we feel like we have to hide? And, if we’re always putting on an act for people, doesn’t it become that much har der to truly know someone?
I’ll be the first to admit the last year of my life hasn’t exactly been my favorite — one catastrophe seemed to follow another like the domino effect. You wouldn’t know that from the outside, though. My cheery personality masked all those falling dominos. Whenever anyone asked the all-too-popular question, “How are you,” I’d reply like I usually do.
“Oh I’m fine.”
“I can’t complain.”
“I’m good. And you?”
I got really good at it too. I half felt like a talking puppet. Pull a string, and I’ll whip out one of many stock phrases programmed into me
Isn’t that what people want to hear, I thought? I certainly didn’t want to burden them with my problems, and frankly, if I told them how I really felt (those gut-wrenching, pounding-a-pillow thoughts we keep tucked deep in our hearts — they’d probably ask me if I got that info from some Lifetime movie of the week. I knew it wouldn’t be pretty.
Or maybe I’ve grown to like the cheery response because it’s safe. I could keep my guard up and keep my secrets to myself. I feared that if I said exactly how I felt that my world felt like it was crumbling each day. Well, you know what, sometimes it's just hard not being able to do the things you love, all the floodgates would open and I'd become unhinged — a bubbling mess right there in the middle of aisle four of the grocery store. My image would be shattered. Forever.
Come to think of it, it’s a little ironic that my dad was the only one who never seemed to expect those stock answers. My mom’s friend, Cheryl, who she’s known since high school, is the same way. You can let your guard down with her because she lets her guard down with you. She listens. No matter how whiny you are or no matter how grumpy you become. And she knows we’ll do the same for her. Any time. Any where.
Maybe in the end, that’s all any of us ever wants. A world and an ear without judgment. A safe haven for our weary heads and hearts.
But that’s not what people want to hear. They want to see how well we’re doing, so out of habit, we put on our “party face” wherever we go: the smiling, glowing, “I’m-in-control” face. Pretty soon, the face is blended with our true selves and we begin to wonder which is which. We’ve lost ourselves in the process of trying to “present” ourselves to the world.
It’s not anyone’s fault. No one is to blame, of course; it’s just that we’re a product of our culture, whether we like it or not. We expect people to “pull themselves up by their boot straps,” to be the strong, silent type. Any hint of emotion and we get scared.
Sadly, though, there has to be some point where we realize that’s not healthy. We can’t get to know someone, really know them, if we’re not willing to get to know all of them. Scars and flaws and problems included.
What would our world look like if, instead of soldiering our emotions, we laid them out. Not because we want sympathy (OK, maybe sometimes we do), but because we can’t go through life alone. We need people. No one is an island, contrary to that pesky rumor Simon and Garkfunkel started.
I challenge you to shred those stock answers you give — and get. Dig a little deeper. You just might realize you’re not so scared of what you find after all.
Weird Dream
Had the weirdest dream last night.
It was so abnormal.
It was like.
Ellie was Olivia Newton-John in the Film Clip "Physical"
Then Tayeesha & Jenni were two men in the background.
Gosh, it was weird.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
In regards to the previous post.
Love Lesson #1: It's OK to like the fantasy more than the reality
The more I got to know him, the more I realized he just didn't measure up to Superman's twin I'd spent years creating and tweaking in my mind. In the fantasy, I could have it all: the perfect date, the most romantic of marriage proposals, the satin, chic white dress, the flawless marriage. The perfect everything.In my fantasy, we could be soulmates who live out their retirement years swinging from a porch swing and sipping tall glasses of lemonade. In my fantasy, we could be anything. We could be everything to each other. In reality, we were acquaintances at best, and I was an awkward teen with oversized glasses and a dorky laugh. But in reality, he wasn't Superman. He was just a man(umm, well not even a man, a boy at the time).
Love Lesson #2 It's OK not to change yourself
When I was 13, I made an extensive list in my journal: WAYS TO GET HIS ATTENTION. Among the must-dos? Use big words. Act smarter. Read The Wall Street Journal. What in the heck was I thinking? I was so willing to change myself at the mere thought that being who I wasn't would be the only way to get him to finally see me. I didn't even care that it would be a fake me - just as long as I could get his attention.
Love Lesson #3: It's OK to still giggle with glee at his Facebook
I'll be the first to admit I squealed louder than a girl going to her first Bobby Sherman concert when my detective skills paid off and I found him on Facebook. Since then, I've logged hours clandestinely keeping tabs on him via the wonders of technology. It's harmless fun, I reason. A fun little trip down memory lane. Pictures, anyone?
Love Lesson #4: It's OK to still feel like a schoolgirl around him
I bumped into him recently for the first time in months. We're both alot more mature now. We're supposed to be mature and have the world all figured out, but for some reason, my hands got clammy, my stomach churned and I became a bumbling nerd. But it felt great. Exhilarating even.
Love Lesson #5: It's OK to let go
This one took me awhile to embrace and I'm not entirely sure if I'm even fully there yet. If I finally said goodbye, would I have really wasted years of my life chasing a hopeless fantasy? But things slowly became all too clear. I'd reasoned for so long that as long as I never disclosed my feelings to him, there would still be the possibility - however slight - that someday, all the hope I'd shored up in my heart would become a blazing reality. I knew I had to close the journal of my life chapter with him. I had other crushes over the years, but he remained my one constant. The crush I could always fall back on, no matter how much time had passed. He remained that warm blanket you snuggle under in the cold winter night. The friend you call at 2 a.m. crying. He was my favorite hoodie. Something safe and cozy I could easily slip back on as if no time had passed. But the truth was, sadly, that I'd outgrown that shoe, that it no longer felt right. I'd moved on - and grown up - and it was time for a new shoe. Something tells me I'll always remember that hoodie, but like fish, they are plenty more shoes in the sea.
The more I got to know him, the more I realized he just didn't measure up to Superman's twin I'd spent years creating and tweaking in my mind. In the fantasy, I could have it all: the perfect date, the most romantic of marriage proposals, the satin, chic white dress, the flawless marriage. The perfect everything.In my fantasy, we could be soulmates who live out their retirement years swinging from a porch swing and sipping tall glasses of lemonade. In my fantasy, we could be anything. We could be everything to each other. In reality, we were acquaintances at best, and I was an awkward teen with oversized glasses and a dorky laugh. But in reality, he wasn't Superman. He was just a man(umm, well not even a man, a boy at the time).
Love Lesson #2 It's OK not to change yourself
When I was 13, I made an extensive list in my journal: WAYS TO GET HIS ATTENTION. Among the must-dos? Use big words. Act smarter. Read The Wall Street Journal. What in the heck was I thinking? I was so willing to change myself at the mere thought that being who I wasn't would be the only way to get him to finally see me. I didn't even care that it would be a fake me - just as long as I could get his attention.
Love Lesson #3: It's OK to still giggle with glee at his Facebook
I'll be the first to admit I squealed louder than a girl going to her first Bobby Sherman concert when my detective skills paid off and I found him on Facebook. Since then, I've logged hours clandestinely keeping tabs on him via the wonders of technology. It's harmless fun, I reason. A fun little trip down memory lane. Pictures, anyone?
Love Lesson #4: It's OK to still feel like a schoolgirl around him
I bumped into him recently for the first time in months. We're both alot more mature now. We're supposed to be mature and have the world all figured out, but for some reason, my hands got clammy, my stomach churned and I became a bumbling nerd. But it felt great. Exhilarating even.
Love Lesson #5: It's OK to let go
This one took me awhile to embrace and I'm not entirely sure if I'm even fully there yet. If I finally said goodbye, would I have really wasted years of my life chasing a hopeless fantasy? But things slowly became all too clear. I'd reasoned for so long that as long as I never disclosed my feelings to him, there would still be the possibility - however slight - that someday, all the hope I'd shored up in my heart would become a blazing reality. I knew I had to close the journal of my life chapter with him. I had other crushes over the years, but he remained my one constant. The crush I could always fall back on, no matter how much time had passed. He remained that warm blanket you snuggle under in the cold winter night. The friend you call at 2 a.m. crying. He was my favorite hoodie. Something safe and cozy I could easily slip back on as if no time had passed. But the truth was, sadly, that I'd outgrown that shoe, that it no longer felt right. I'd moved on - and grown up - and it was time for a new shoe. Something tells me I'll always remember that hoodie, but like fish, they are plenty more shoes in the sea.
the fourteen year old girl
The summer I turned 14, that boy waltzed into my life. I'm sure you know the one I'm talking about - literally and figuratively here. Your first love. It wasn't as if we were strangers who met each other's gaze across a dimly lit room, and after talking and laughing the entire night, decided that we were soulmates.
No, things started off far more innocent than that. We'd already met. Some years before, actually. I'll spare you the starry-eyed details, but suffice it to say, something deep within me shifted one day that summer. I noticed his mop top of black hair, his ocean blue eyes, even the way his smile made me giggle inside. It didn't hurt that his chiseled chin and broad shoulders channeled a young Jake Gyllenhaal.
But it was those eyes. They seemed to look at me in a different way. They pierced right through my soul.I was hooked, and for the next 10 years, I nursed a hopeless crush on him. I'd go out of my way to pass him in the hallway, giving the ever-popular, over-enthusiastic wave.
A few months ago, as I was rummaging through a drawer filled to the brim with memories - pictures, report cards, the lonely Minnie Mouse Pez dispenser searching for her Mickey - I found my seven volumes of journals. Amid the furious scribbles and girly doodles, my eyes began to glaze over with each new entry in which I professed my undying love for the boy. Words like true love and phrases such as “I see myself spending the rest of my life with him” littered each page, in all seriousness, to my 14-year-old self.
No, things started off far more innocent than that. We'd already met. Some years before, actually. I'll spare you the starry-eyed details, but suffice it to say, something deep within me shifted one day that summer. I noticed his mop top of black hair, his ocean blue eyes, even the way his smile made me giggle inside. It didn't hurt that his chiseled chin and broad shoulders channeled a young Jake Gyllenhaal.
But it was those eyes. They seemed to look at me in a different way. They pierced right through my soul.I was hooked, and for the next 10 years, I nursed a hopeless crush on him. I'd go out of my way to pass him in the hallway, giving the ever-popular, over-enthusiastic wave.
A few months ago, as I was rummaging through a drawer filled to the brim with memories - pictures, report cards, the lonely Minnie Mouse Pez dispenser searching for her Mickey - I found my seven volumes of journals. Amid the furious scribbles and girly doodles, my eyes began to glaze over with each new entry in which I professed my undying love for the boy. Words like true love and phrases such as “I see myself spending the rest of my life with him” littered each page, in all seriousness, to my 14-year-old self.
And all the while, all I could think of was, “That poor girl.”My instinct wanted to reach back in time and shake some sense into her. Didn't she know she was sacrificing who she was all in the name of some guy? Shame on her.But my 14 yeae old self wasn't the feminist I am today. Maybe I didn't want to be. Maybe I was innocent enough to go after the fairy tale. Grand social statements be damned!If only we could look back through the lens of womanhood. We could all learn a thing or two from our girlhood crushes.
And so in honor of the Boy I'll Never Forget, I offer these generous gems. I hope my 14-year-old self is listening.
And so in honor of the Boy I'll Never Forget, I offer these generous gems. I hope my 14-year-old self is listening.
forever.
I watched your tailights fade beneath the setting sun
Standing there on the edge of something
The scene, it's like a picture-perfect postcard
The kind that makes everything look perfect from a distance, but when you look closer those images get blurred
Take away those pretty colors, take off your mask
Because you're about to discover all those tiny cracks
I'll be the one who remembers
That you forgot forever
Did you find what you were looking for somewhere along the way?
Forever
And someday when you find me staring at you in the back of your mind
You'll be the one to remember
That some things last forever
You can try to hide your feelings and deny it's me you're missing
But moving on won't be that easy
'Cuz I'm not the kind of girl you can escape
You'll see me all the time and wonder why
I'm stuck in your head, reminding you of every word you never said
'Til you realize it's our postcard you can't escape
Take away those pretty colors, take off your mask
Because you're about to discover all those tiny cracks
I'll be the one who remembers
That you forgot forever
Did you find what you were looking for somewhere along the way?
Forever
And someday when you find me staring at you in the back of your mind
You'll be the one to remember
That some things last forever
Forever
It never meant anything to you
Forever
You might think I'm the one torn in two
Forever
And maybe I am
Forever
But at least I won't have to see your face ever again
I'll be the one who remembers
That you forgot forever
Did you find what you were looking for somewhere along the way?
Forever
And someday when you find me staring at you in the back of your mind
You'll be the one to remember
That some things last forever
I'll be the one who remembers
That you forgot forever
Did you find what you were looking for somewhere along the way?
Forever
And someday when you find me staring at you in the back of your mind
You'll be the one to remember
That some things last forever
Take away those pretty colors, take off your mask
Because you're about to discover all those tiny cracks...
Standing there on the edge of something
The scene, it's like a picture-perfect postcard
The kind that makes everything look perfect from a distance, but when you look closer those images get blurred
Take away those pretty colors, take off your mask
Because you're about to discover all those tiny cracks
I'll be the one who remembers
That you forgot forever
Did you find what you were looking for somewhere along the way?
Forever
And someday when you find me staring at you in the back of your mind
You'll be the one to remember
That some things last forever
You can try to hide your feelings and deny it's me you're missing
But moving on won't be that easy
'Cuz I'm not the kind of girl you can escape
You'll see me all the time and wonder why
I'm stuck in your head, reminding you of every word you never said
'Til you realize it's our postcard you can't escape
Take away those pretty colors, take off your mask
Because you're about to discover all those tiny cracks
I'll be the one who remembers
That you forgot forever
Did you find what you were looking for somewhere along the way?
Forever
And someday when you find me staring at you in the back of your mind
You'll be the one to remember
That some things last forever
Forever
It never meant anything to you
Forever
You might think I'm the one torn in two
Forever
And maybe I am
Forever
But at least I won't have to see your face ever again
I'll be the one who remembers
That you forgot forever
Did you find what you were looking for somewhere along the way?
Forever
And someday when you find me staring at you in the back of your mind
You'll be the one to remember
That some things last forever
I'll be the one who remembers
That you forgot forever
Did you find what you were looking for somewhere along the way?
Forever
And someday when you find me staring at you in the back of your mind
You'll be the one to remember
That some things last forever
Take away those pretty colors, take off your mask
Because you're about to discover all those tiny cracks...
some kids.
Have you been following the controversy over the Candie's Foundation's Abstinence-theme T-shirt campaign? The Foundation, which works to prevent teen pregnancy, partnered with Seventeen magazine for a contest to come up with a new slogan. The winner, Sarina Adams, came up with this latest "Be Sexy" slogan.
The Foundation aims to "educate on the consequences of teen pregnancy [and challenge] America's youth to make healthy decisions about sex," according to a PR rep.
I applaud this T-shirt slogan 110 percent. Critics of the campaign say the Tee is sending teens mixed messages by encouraging them to be sexy, yet at the same time, refrain from having sex.
See, this is exactly what I have a problem with: The inherent intertwining of the terms sexy and sex. You apparently can't have one without the other, society beats into our heads. Since when does being a virgin mean you can't be sexy? The two, as I see it, aren't mutual exclusive. What ever happened to the idea that leaving some mystery and something to the imagination can be incredibly sexy? I'm a virgin, but you know what? That doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm sexy.
Oh, and don't even get me going on the whole idea that sexy can only apply to all things physical. Guess what? It doesn't. Haven't you ever met anyone (besides me, of course) whose personality was just the sexiest thing ever?
Something as simple as a feeling can be sexy - the way a guy makes you feel (not physically, people!), a guy who writes a song for you (I'm still waiting for that one, guys...hint, hint). For example, David of The Rest Is Still Unwritten recently told me he thought it was cute and hilarious when I said that guys should find it very hot that I've been featured in countless medical journals. I know he didn't mean sexy, but c'mon, even that is sexy, right?
Heck, I've found of late that even anticipation can be an extremely sexy thing thanks to a certain new guy, though I'm keeping that on the down-low for right now...
I don't know about you, but I'm scared of a society that chooses to define sexy in such narrow-minded terms. Good for Candie's to be a company to think outside the box for once. They have a unique opportunity here to show the world - and especially teens - that sexy isn't just about how you look, what you're wearing or what you're doing with who. There's so much more to you, and a guy who truly loves you will applaud and respect that.
And lest we not forget part of my slogan: SMART IS THE NEW SEXY.
Bottom line: Don't be surprised if you someday spot me sporting this exact shirt. I'll flaunt it proudly. The shirt, that is...
On a side note, I've always loved these other slogans:
The Foundation aims to "educate on the consequences of teen pregnancy [and challenge] America's youth to make healthy decisions about sex," according to a PR rep.
I applaud this T-shirt slogan 110 percent. Critics of the campaign say the Tee is sending teens mixed messages by encouraging them to be sexy, yet at the same time, refrain from having sex.
See, this is exactly what I have a problem with: The inherent intertwining of the terms sexy and sex. You apparently can't have one without the other, society beats into our heads. Since when does being a virgin mean you can't be sexy? The two, as I see it, aren't mutual exclusive. What ever happened to the idea that leaving some mystery and something to the imagination can be incredibly sexy? I'm a virgin, but you know what? That doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm sexy.
Oh, and don't even get me going on the whole idea that sexy can only apply to all things physical. Guess what? It doesn't. Haven't you ever met anyone (besides me, of course) whose personality was just the sexiest thing ever?
Something as simple as a feeling can be sexy - the way a guy makes you feel (not physically, people!), a guy who writes a song for you (I'm still waiting for that one, guys...hint, hint). For example, David of The Rest Is Still Unwritten recently told me he thought it was cute and hilarious when I said that guys should find it very hot that I've been featured in countless medical journals. I know he didn't mean sexy, but c'mon, even that is sexy, right?
Heck, I've found of late that even anticipation can be an extremely sexy thing thanks to a certain new guy, though I'm keeping that on the down-low for right now...
I don't know about you, but I'm scared of a society that chooses to define sexy in such narrow-minded terms. Good for Candie's to be a company to think outside the box for once. They have a unique opportunity here to show the world - and especially teens - that sexy isn't just about how you look, what you're wearing or what you're doing with who. There's so much more to you, and a guy who truly loves you will applaud and respect that.
And lest we not forget part of my slogan: SMART IS THE NEW SEXY.
Bottom line: Don't be surprised if you someday spot me sporting this exact shirt. I'll flaunt it proudly. The shirt, that is...
On a side note, I've always loved these other slogans:
"Be Sexy: It Doesn't Mean You Have to Have Sex"
"Be Smart: You Are Too Young to Start."
kids need to relise
Accentuate your awkwardness
They say that if you've got it, flaunt it. And I'm sure they just weren't talking about beautiful legs and blonde hair here. It's safe to say I've cornered the market on making awkward actually sort of cool (not cute, though; remember, that's a bad, bad word).
Never regret telling someone how you feel
Keeping feelings inside gives them far too much power over you and your life, and trust me, saying them - or writing them - won't be as bad in reality as the scary scene you've spent countless hours (or, years, as in my case) creating in your head. For example, I ran into Crush Boy a few weeks ago. It was the first time we'd seen each other since my (read: awkward) revelation about my feelings for him. Was I expecting it to be a hideously awkward scene where we're both so obviously trying to avoid each other? Yes. Was that how it turned out to be? Of course not. We both spoke to each other as if nothing had happened or changed between us. I could have wasted another 14 years hiding my feelings, but I don't want to. There's a certain sigh of relief I can now breathe because he knows. And that's good because you know what? Even if no relationship ever comes of it, I'm glad he knows. It was something I feared, and I conquered it. That's something to be proud of, don't you think?
You have far more confidence than you think you do
It's sort of strange, but this blog has given me a newfound sense of confidence. In the past 6 months, I've noticed I hold my head higher, walk (well, more like roll....) with a purpose and am even becoming more outgoing. I've even been known to smile at a cute guy every once in awhile -- something I'd never even dream of doing before. It's as if all this honesty and openness I've cultivated here has blossomed into my real life. What a feeling!
It's their loss
Really, this applies to everything in my life: magazine rejections, guys, jobs. If someone isn't smart enough to see the obvious awesomeness that you possess, they're most definitely not worth it. Not everyone is going to like you (that's just life). That's not your fault, though; it's theirs.
Writing about it helps - a lot
Being a writer, I was already hip to this notion. But writing on a daily basis - usually about something pretty personal - helps you navigate the big, wide world, and helps you learn a heck of a lot about yourself along the journey.
There are just some boys you'll never get over
That one could be good or bad. I haven't decided yet. What do you think?
They say that if you've got it, flaunt it. And I'm sure they just weren't talking about beautiful legs and blonde hair here. It's safe to say I've cornered the market on making awkward actually sort of cool (not cute, though; remember, that's a bad, bad word).
Never regret telling someone how you feel
Keeping feelings inside gives them far too much power over you and your life, and trust me, saying them - or writing them - won't be as bad in reality as the scary scene you've spent countless hours (or, years, as in my case) creating in your head. For example, I ran into Crush Boy a few weeks ago. It was the first time we'd seen each other since my (read: awkward) revelation about my feelings for him. Was I expecting it to be a hideously awkward scene where we're both so obviously trying to avoid each other? Yes. Was that how it turned out to be? Of course not. We both spoke to each other as if nothing had happened or changed between us. I could have wasted another 14 years hiding my feelings, but I don't want to. There's a certain sigh of relief I can now breathe because he knows. And that's good because you know what? Even if no relationship ever comes of it, I'm glad he knows. It was something I feared, and I conquered it. That's something to be proud of, don't you think?
You have far more confidence than you think you do
It's sort of strange, but this blog has given me a newfound sense of confidence. In the past 6 months, I've noticed I hold my head higher, walk (well, more like roll....) with a purpose and am even becoming more outgoing. I've even been known to smile at a cute guy every once in awhile -- something I'd never even dream of doing before. It's as if all this honesty and openness I've cultivated here has blossomed into my real life. What a feeling!
It's their loss
Really, this applies to everything in my life: magazine rejections, guys, jobs. If someone isn't smart enough to see the obvious awesomeness that you possess, they're most definitely not worth it. Not everyone is going to like you (that's just life). That's not your fault, though; it's theirs.
Writing about it helps - a lot
Being a writer, I was already hip to this notion. But writing on a daily basis - usually about something pretty personal - helps you navigate the big, wide world, and helps you learn a heck of a lot about yourself along the journey.
There are just some boys you'll never get over
That one could be good or bad. I haven't decided yet. What do you think?
Sunday, August 23, 2009
my childhood
esther elizabeth wells
i love how whenever you say something tht doesnt make sence im the only one that gets it.
and how when i tell one of my awsome as funny jokes, your the only one that laughs, even know sometimes your laughing at me.
i love the way we are mind telapathic.
and last week how we looked at each other and we both knew we were both thinking gosh did he just call me pretty
i love how we are basicly identical and how we both are obsessed with apple stickers and your george forman grill.
I love it how we only go to bunnings just to steal all the nice coloured paint samples.
and how half my wardrobe is filled with your clothes, and 3/4 of yours is filled with mine.
you are my 2nd family, and my 2nd home.
i love how you'll always love me no matter what n how you accept me being the immature .
and when we have laughing fits for absolutely no reason,
and you throw stuff at me that could kill me when im not looking, and how you punch and slap me and run and hide and make an excuse why i cant hurt you when i try and get you back.
i think its cool how you ran down the hallway in primary school when you cut my thumb. You were holding the tissues on my thumb stopping the bleeding going all over our school uniforms and the way you kept me company in sick bay when i was crying.
and i love it when you laugh you have double chins and sometimes snort, but then again that happens to me everytime i laugh, and + i sound like a man when i laugh, so what am i talking about.
we never fight, i love that about you.
even know you lock me out of your house and nearly kill me by cutting my thumb off, i still love you
its currently past 10pm and i miss you
i miss coming to your house,
i miss you coming here,
i miss our singalongs,
i miss being close with your family,
i miss playing singstar,
i miss going to school everyday to see your beautiful face,
i miss our days sitting on the oval behind that tree talking
i miss our deep and meaningfuls
i miss you burping in my face,
i miss attacking you,
i miss stealing your clothes,
i miss you staying here for 5 day sleepovers
i miss you when i have georges.
i miss you when i cook.
i miss when we couldnt be seperated,
i miss you esther
hurry up and bring on september when we can chill all holidays together.
i miss you so god damn badly.
i want one of our slleepovers like the good old days,
when we went to coles
and i got a chocolate and you got the fizzy stuff/
and we got, maltesers, starbusts, light and tangy chips,
coke, pine crush, chicken burgers, and pancakess!
aaaaaaah if we only didnt have so much homework
in june last year, we rocked cairns :)
aaaaah, you know i could never live without you!
you've been in my life since prep
even know you were a really pain in the bum back then :P
and you always loved to play on the playgrounds.
I did too.
im so tired, even know its only 10:07, but im going to bed,
you meen heaps to me, our friendship is like no other,
you are like a sister, you are my second family,
we never fight, we never have.
You have always been there for me.
Always.
Even when elena was pulling you towards her from one arm, and i was from the other. You came with me.
Yeah elena tagged along.
But that was the start of our friendship in prep.
And this friendship will be the one that lasts till forever.
i could never let you go, your an amazing bestfriend.
your beautifull, love ya ed
you better get me a job at charcol chicken “charcol chicken all things chicken laura speaking”
haha kidding you know i love you !
xxxxx bestfriends
i love how whenever you say something tht doesnt make sence im the only one that gets it.
and how when i tell one of my awsome as funny jokes, your the only one that laughs, even know sometimes your laughing at me.
i love the way we are mind telapathic.
and last week how we looked at each other and we both knew we were both thinking gosh did he just call me pretty
i love how we are basicly identical and how we both are obsessed with apple stickers and your george forman grill.
I love it how we only go to bunnings just to steal all the nice coloured paint samples.
and how half my wardrobe is filled with your clothes, and 3/4 of yours is filled with mine.
you are my 2nd family, and my 2nd home.
i love how you'll always love me no matter what n how you accept me being the immature .
and when we have laughing fits for absolutely no reason,
and you throw stuff at me that could kill me when im not looking, and how you punch and slap me and run and hide and make an excuse why i cant hurt you when i try and get you back.
i think its cool how you ran down the hallway in primary school when you cut my thumb. You were holding the tissues on my thumb stopping the bleeding going all over our school uniforms and the way you kept me company in sick bay when i was crying.
and i love it when you laugh you have double chins and sometimes snort, but then again that happens to me everytime i laugh, and + i sound like a man when i laugh, so what am i talking about.
we never fight, i love that about you.
even know you lock me out of your house and nearly kill me by cutting my thumb off, i still love you
its currently past 10pm and i miss you
i miss coming to your house,
i miss you coming here,
i miss our singalongs,
i miss being close with your family,
i miss playing singstar,
i miss going to school everyday to see your beautiful face,
i miss our days sitting on the oval behind that tree talking
i miss our deep and meaningfuls
i miss you burping in my face,
i miss attacking you,
i miss stealing your clothes,
i miss you staying here for 5 day sleepovers
i miss you when i have georges.
i miss you when i cook.
i miss when we couldnt be seperated,
i miss you esther
hurry up and bring on september when we can chill all holidays together.
i miss you so god damn badly.
i want one of our slleepovers like the good old days,
when we went to coles
and i got a chocolate and you got the fizzy stuff/
and we got, maltesers, starbusts, light and tangy chips,
coke, pine crush, chicken burgers, and pancakess!
aaaaaaah if we only didnt have so much homework
in june last year, we rocked cairns :)
aaaaah, you know i could never live without you!
you've been in my life since prep
even know you were a really pain in the bum back then :P
and you always loved to play on the playgrounds.
I did too.
im so tired, even know its only 10:07, but im going to bed,
you meen heaps to me, our friendship is like no other,
you are like a sister, you are my second family,
we never fight, we never have.
You have always been there for me.
Always.
Even when elena was pulling you towards her from one arm, and i was from the other. You came with me.
Yeah elena tagged along.
But that was the start of our friendship in prep.
And this friendship will be the one that lasts till forever.
i could never let you go, your an amazing bestfriend.
your beautifull, love ya ed
you better get me a job at charcol chicken “charcol chicken all things chicken laura speaking”
haha kidding you know i love you !
xxxxx bestfriends
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
i've lately found myself lost and alone in a world that made me be something im not. being myself used to be a very easy thing to do, but now it is one of the hardest things to do with everyone putting me into groups and labeling me. my life is completely average. there's mostly good things in it, but theres still those bad ones that bring me down. i'm not the kind of person that likes to let everyone know when im upest, usually i just cover up my feelings with a smile. one day i hope to have the perfect life, with no difficulties, but i know its not going to happen but everyone has dreams. ive been told a lot of times that im a pushover, so i try my hardest not to let people tell me what to do. people think that they can control me but they're wrong, i do what i want, and what i think is right, if they dont like it they go and just leave. people expect everyone to act certain ways just because they think everything falls into categories. i care a lot about what people think of me, i dont know why but i cant help it. my billanook girls are the only group of girls i have come across that havent stabbed me in the back, and theyre completely amazing for it. i dont even bother wasting my time on stupid people that think that everything is about them. i can admit that ive made my faire share of mistakes but everyone has and thats what makes the world go round. my life is a crazy rollercoaster and there is no way im getting off any time soon.
my bestfriend is esther wells, she most amazing person i have ever met ♥
lewis swadesir, luis jiminez, shanna stephenson, sophie ruddick& annie d'alberto thanks for being there for me (:
i miss you so much cb.ml.mc.il.jl.jc
kn&in will forever be in my heart ♥
my bestfriend is esther wells, she most amazing person i have ever met ♥
lewis swadesir, luis jiminez, shanna stephenson, sophie ruddick& annie d'alberto thanks for being there for me (:
i miss you so much cb.ml.mc.il.jl.jc
kn&in will forever be in my heart ♥
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
to get a life.
It's never too late...
To get a life
Slow down.
Look around.
Feel your heart.
Find the people and things that you love.
Care for them.
"There are many things in life that will catch your eye.
But only a few will catch your heart.
Pursue those"
Anonymous
to fall in love.
It's never to late...
to fall in love
Open your heart.
(It's not easy, but it's essenstial.)
How will love enter if your heart is closed.
Look ahead for love, not behind.
Love is waiting.
Don't chase it.
Be yourself.
Be open to possibilities.
Love will find you
"In the end all we have is love and memories."
Anonymous
to make plans.
It's never too late...
To make plans.
Looking ahead takes you out of the daily grind.
Planning ahead brings hope.
Small plans first, with realistic goals.
Build confidence.
Then make bigger plans with bigger goals.
Always have plans.
"You are young at any age of you're planning for tomorrow"
Anonymous
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Happy Birthday Shanna
Today is Shanna's 15th Birthday.
So Happy 15th Birthday to you, I think that may be the billionth time, I've wished you, but it doesnt matter
Happy Birthday Shanna, I wish you the bets for your fifteenth year! Your'e halfway to thirty - dont worry, you dont look it haha. Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthdya to shanna, happy birthday to you! HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY SHANNA! xoxox ps. happy birthday! lol. YOUR FIFTEEN WHOOP WHOOP omg your fifteen now, omg.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
So do us all a favor.
Take this link.
Send her a happy birthday comment :)
http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vY29tbWVudC5teXNwYWNlLmNvbS9pbmRleC5jZm0/ZnVzZWFjdGlvbj11c2VyLnZpZXdQcm9maWxlX2NvbW1lbnRGb3JtJmZyaWVuZElEPTIxODU2Nzg3NCZNeVRva2VuPWZmMDAyYjlkLTcyNDAtNGQwYy04NTAyLWVmN2ZmOWQ4ZWZkMg==
Much love always to you Shanna.
xx
EDIT: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LUIS who is 15.
and also to Immy & Jordie who are 17. xxx
So Happy 15th Birthday to you, I think that may be the billionth time, I've wished you, but it doesnt matter
Happy Birthday Shanna, I wish you the bets for your fifteenth year! Your'e halfway to thirty - dont worry, you dont look it haha. Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthdya to shanna, happy birthday to you! HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY SHANNA! xoxox ps. happy birthday! lol. YOUR FIFTEEN WHOOP WHOOP omg your fifteen now, omg.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
So do us all a favor.
Take this link.
Send her a happy birthday comment :)
http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vY29tbWVudC5teXNwYWNlLmNvbS9pbmRleC5jZm0/ZnVzZWFjdGlvbj11c2VyLnZpZXdQcm9maWxlX2NvbW1lbnRGb3JtJmZyaWVuZElEPTIxODU2Nzg3NCZNeVRva2VuPWZmMDAyYjlkLTcyNDAtNGQwYy04NTAyLWVmN2ZmOWQ4ZWZkMg==
Much love always to you Shanna.
xx
EDIT: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LUIS who is 15.
and also to Immy & Jordie who are 17. xxx
today
Howdy.
How's your day been?
Mine's been Bad.
Really Really Bad.
Generally things are bad with an upside.
But today there was no upside.
Mum was being nasty.
and didn't let me to go to Tim's 18th.
I was quite upset.
Then I had to call Kathy and say I wasnt coming.
It wasnt good.
She's so good to me.
She is deffs my bestfriend at the momento.
She is the nicest girl. :)
Shannas birthday tomorrow!
whoop whoop. x
How's your day been?
Mine's been Bad.
Really Really Bad.
Generally things are bad with an upside.
But today there was no upside.
Mum was being nasty.
and didn't let me to go to Tim's 18th.
I was quite upset.
Then I had to call Kathy and say I wasnt coming.
It wasnt good.
She's so good to me.
She is deffs my bestfriend at the momento.
She is the nicest girl. :)
Shannas birthday tomorrow!
whoop whoop. x
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