“Cinderella walked on broken glass, Sleeping beauty let her whole life pass by, Belle fell in love with a beast, Pocahontas risked her life for a feast, Jasmine could have had anyone but she chose a poor man, and Ariel, she walked on land.”
So many people dislike fairytales because it makes us believe in love, believe that a prince will swoop down and save us when something goes wrong. But I’ve come to realise that in every fairytale-like movie, every girl took a risk. Took a risk for love, took a risk in the name of love.
So, how do we know if our own fairytale won’t really happen if we don’t try, if we stop believing in love?
I know it’s hard for some of you to put down their guard and to learn to trust someone else sometimes. I know because I’ve been through it. People like us, we distance ourselves from people we genuinely like just because we are afraid to get hurt. But does building up these walls ultimately saves us from hurting?
It doesn’t.
We’ve got to know that these people, the people we are blocking out because of our own insecurities, will leave someday too. Leave for something better. Everyone will cause you pain and hurt and tears, but you have to decide who’s worth it. And when you make that decision, happiness will come to you. =)
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I'll always love you, no matter what
Our first looks at each other, our first conversation, our first kiss. Our first text message and our first real talk. I'll never forget. Never forget the feelings and how perfect everything was. We could be awake and talk about everything until the next morning, we could talk in the cellphone for hours without having any words left to say and we could lay down for a very long time and just stare into each others eyes without saying anything. It was love. Real love.
We became closer and closer and when i thought it couldn't be better he whispered the three most beautiful words in my ear. He whispered "I love you" with a tear in his eye and said that he never thought he could have this feelings for anyone. It was the best moment of my life. I was in love. Terrible in love.
We talked about how our apartment would look like, what name our baby should have and that we are going to have a little kitten. Then we laughed for hours about what we just said.
We talked about everything and we laughed, cried and did things together. That was life. You were life. You were the best boyfriend ever and everything would have been meaningless if you weren't in my life. I would go to the moon, travel round the world and count all the stars. Just for you.
We were so equal you and me, but different at the same time. We had something that other people just could dream of.
I'll never forget how you said I was beautiful when i looked the most terrible than ever. And I'll never forget how special you made me feel. You had girlfriends before but I was the only one you fell in love with and I was the only one you ever cared about.
Every time I got a text message from you my heart stopped and every time I saw you called me I got a smile on my lips. You were mine.
But things changed. I can't count the sleepless nights and how many tears that have fell down on my cheek. I can't count how many times my heart got in thousand pieces and when everything felt meaningless. I have been so loved by you, but you have hurt me so badly at the same time. I never thought we would come to this part in our relationship were we don't show any respect and neither can live with or without each other. But now we stand here and don't know what's right or wrong. The only thing I know is that I'll always love you, no matter what.
We became closer and closer and when i thought it couldn't be better he whispered the three most beautiful words in my ear. He whispered "I love you" with a tear in his eye and said that he never thought he could have this feelings for anyone. It was the best moment of my life. I was in love. Terrible in love.
We talked about how our apartment would look like, what name our baby should have and that we are going to have a little kitten. Then we laughed for hours about what we just said.
We talked about everything and we laughed, cried and did things together. That was life. You were life. You were the best boyfriend ever and everything would have been meaningless if you weren't in my life. I would go to the moon, travel round the world and count all the stars. Just for you.
We were so equal you and me, but different at the same time. We had something that other people just could dream of.
I'll never forget how you said I was beautiful when i looked the most terrible than ever. And I'll never forget how special you made me feel. You had girlfriends before but I was the only one you fell in love with and I was the only one you ever cared about.
Every time I got a text message from you my heart stopped and every time I saw you called me I got a smile on my lips. You were mine.
But things changed. I can't count the sleepless nights and how many tears that have fell down on my cheek. I can't count how many times my heart got in thousand pieces and when everything felt meaningless. I have been so loved by you, but you have hurt me so badly at the same time. I never thought we would come to this part in our relationship were we don't show any respect and neither can live with or without each other. But now we stand here and don't know what's right or wrong. The only thing I know is that I'll always love you, no matter what.
up to how you really feel
Hey "bestest" friend. You know who you are.
I'm just writing this to say that I've been thinking a lot lately and I realize this is going nowhere. We can never really talk heart to heart and that's what I want. Communication is just really important to me. Although it's kind of hard, I kept trying and I sometimes worked but never for a long time. It's hard for me to commit without you. So please, tell me if you really do like me, so I that I will know if my efforts are worth for anything at all. Don't hint some remark that could possibly be known as flirting. Because that gets me confused and mad. For all I know, you could be just really friendly and has not thought of us to be more than friends. Your actions and words speak otherwise...
And with all I know, I've been liking you for a few years now. And I can't wait any longer. I need answers.
So here's to the possibilities. Either you end this unknown and tell me how you really feel or I just walk away. Even being just friends with you is too hard. I need to move on. I can't be stuck waiting.
And whether you read this or not, it's going to be here. Whether you reply to this or not, it's up to how you really feel.
I'm just writing this to say that I've been thinking a lot lately and I realize this is going nowhere. We can never really talk heart to heart and that's what I want. Communication is just really important to me. Although it's kind of hard, I kept trying and I sometimes worked but never for a long time. It's hard for me to commit without you. So please, tell me if you really do like me, so I that I will know if my efforts are worth for anything at all. Don't hint some remark that could possibly be known as flirting. Because that gets me confused and mad. For all I know, you could be just really friendly and has not thought of us to be more than friends. Your actions and words speak otherwise...
And with all I know, I've been liking you for a few years now. And I can't wait any longer. I need answers.
So here's to the possibilities. Either you end this unknown and tell me how you really feel or I just walk away. Even being just friends with you is too hard. I need to move on. I can't be stuck waiting.
And whether you read this or not, it's going to be here. Whether you reply to this or not, it's up to how you really feel.
All I wanted all day was a chance to see you
I could have gone home early today but i didnt.
I didnt because the only thing i could think about was that i wanted to see you and the only instance whereby i could conceive this happening- where i might get a chance to see you- was if you decided to take the train home and we would happen to cross paths. So i stood in front of the train station tonight, waiting like some kind of fool. Fool because i didnt even know what i was waiting for. For you to come down the escalator? To see you? Would we even speak? I didn't even know if you were in the city today. I didnt know if you would even take the train if by some chance you were in the city. For all i knew you could have been at home or anywhere else for that matter. So i stood like a prize idiot, waiting there by myself. Not even knowing what i was waiting for.
Here is my confession, I’m Weak. So for maybe a minute or an hour or for however long it takes before my pride take over once again, i’m going to be okay with not being okay. And i’m going to say that i miss you and i’m going to admit that i stood in front of a train station for over an hour tonight just because all i wanted all day was a chance to see you.
I didnt because the only thing i could think about was that i wanted to see you and the only instance whereby i could conceive this happening- where i might get a chance to see you- was if you decided to take the train home and we would happen to cross paths. So i stood in front of the train station tonight, waiting like some kind of fool. Fool because i didnt even know what i was waiting for. For you to come down the escalator? To see you? Would we even speak? I didn't even know if you were in the city today. I didnt know if you would even take the train if by some chance you were in the city. For all i knew you could have been at home or anywhere else for that matter. So i stood like a prize idiot, waiting there by myself. Not even knowing what i was waiting for.
Here is my confession, I’m Weak. So for maybe a minute or an hour or for however long it takes before my pride take over once again, i’m going to be okay with not being okay. And i’m going to say that i miss you and i’m going to admit that i stood in front of a train station for over an hour tonight just because all i wanted all day was a chance to see you.
Too beautiful?
You're beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me.
It's hard to fabricate lies when you don't want to make someone sad. When you really really like them...but not in that way. You can't just blatantly lie to them and pretend you love them...they're too beautiful for that. The thing is, they're also too beautiful to lie to. Too beautiful for you to hurt because you don't want to hurt them.You don't want to make them cry, to ruin their beauty by making them feel pain. The problem is...you can't not. You have to do one or the other......the pain...or the lies? Which is the best for them? Break their heart now.....or later. Later when they find out you never liked them like that. That when you kissed them you had to try you're hardest not to be disgusted because, yes they were beautiful but they weren't who you wanted. They were perfect but they just didn't have that special something. You don't want them to feel like it was their fault. Like they aren't perfect or beautiful. You want them to know that it's you. You're the one with the issue and you wish, wish that you could love them......but you can't. And it's killing you. You don't want it to be like that. You want to love being kissed by them. You want to lust after them. To give them your heart and soul.....but you simply just can't. You're incapable of feeling like that and it sucks. They're incredibly beautiful so beautiful that it hurts. And you can't hold back, you just have to tell them, you can't not. Because you know, you know deep down that this is for the best. That this is what you need to do and you do it. You don't want to and you despise yourself for it.....but you do it. You can't handle the pain that is shown upon this beautiful person so...you leave but just before you go you say those five dreaded words.....it's not you, it's me.
It's hard to fabricate lies when you don't want to make someone sad. When you really really like them...but not in that way. You can't just blatantly lie to them and pretend you love them...they're too beautiful for that. The thing is, they're also too beautiful to lie to. Too beautiful for you to hurt because you don't want to hurt them.You don't want to make them cry, to ruin their beauty by making them feel pain. The problem is...you can't not. You have to do one or the other......the pain...or the lies? Which is the best for them? Break their heart now.....or later. Later when they find out you never liked them like that. That when you kissed them you had to try you're hardest not to be disgusted because, yes they were beautiful but they weren't who you wanted. They were perfect but they just didn't have that special something. You don't want them to feel like it was their fault. Like they aren't perfect or beautiful. You want them to know that it's you. You're the one with the issue and you wish, wish that you could love them......but you can't. And it's killing you. You don't want it to be like that. You want to love being kissed by them. You want to lust after them. To give them your heart and soul.....but you simply just can't. You're incapable of feeling like that and it sucks. They're incredibly beautiful so beautiful that it hurts. And you can't hold back, you just have to tell them, you can't not. Because you know, you know deep down that this is for the best. That this is what you need to do and you do it. You don't want to and you despise yourself for it.....but you do it. You can't handle the pain that is shown upon this beautiful person so...you leave but just before you go you say those five dreaded words.....it's not you, it's me.
Just don't let go of me now
Love is something I’ve been cautious of. You know this, because you were there when he broke my heart. It had been coming for a while, but that night my world shattered. You saved me. I lost myself in you quickly, you were everything I needed. You never pressured me, and you kissed me in ways he hadn’t in months. You knew where I was coming from, because you had done it to her.
Love is not something I was looking for. I just needed an escape, but falling asleep in your arms night after night and your perfect smile caught me off-guard. We were never too serious, but we were each others. We needed each other to mend. And so we did.
It has been almost a year and a half since I could spend my every day with you. You left, and I went to discover the world. Somehow, we never stopped being each other’s. Somewhere along the way, we fell in love.
Now, we hang in limbo. The way I need you never seems to fade, but yours comes and goes like the wind. You tell me you love me, and then you fight with your heart and try to keep yourself away. Of course it isn’t easy, but we’ve always made it work. We’re both hanging on for the time in our lives where we end up in the same place. We both know it’s going to be worth it.
So whatever you do, just don’t let go of me now.
Love is not something I was looking for. I just needed an escape, but falling asleep in your arms night after night and your perfect smile caught me off-guard. We were never too serious, but we were each others. We needed each other to mend. And so we did.
It has been almost a year and a half since I could spend my every day with you. You left, and I went to discover the world. Somehow, we never stopped being each other’s. Somewhere along the way, we fell in love.
Now, we hang in limbo. The way I need you never seems to fade, but yours comes and goes like the wind. You tell me you love me, and then you fight with your heart and try to keep yourself away. Of course it isn’t easy, but we’ve always made it work. We’re both hanging on for the time in our lives where we end up in the same place. We both know it’s going to be worth it.
So whatever you do, just don’t let go of me now.
3 Words
I love you.
Words demand explanation. They require analysis. They are the construction and expression of my thoughts. Of my heart. But they can't describe it. They can't describe any of it. They can't tell you how deep the memories are, or how often I think of them. They can't scream what I really want to say. They are the mask of how I really feel and they try to disguise the pain, but someone will strip it away. And someone will make those words worthless.
So what is a word worth? Nothing. What are three words worth? Nothing. But we say them anyway, because you know. You know, more than anyone what they mean. You know when I say I love you, I really mean that those three words can't describe what it is we have. When I say you're amazing, I know the word is just a cover; a quick way for me to remember all the things that amaze me about you, a mask for the memories we share, a disguised version of our adventures together. And I really believe that you know, when I say I miss you, it's not just that. I miss you every moment, and I miss just what your name means to me. It means an alphabet of sounds and letters and words. But none of them really mean anything, because words are based on trust, they rely on how truly and deeply we feel. Remember, always, that they don't mean anything, they are letters and they are constructions, but we deconstruct them every day and we twist them; we manipulate them so that they say what we want them to. But no word, no shape, no photograph could ever twist so far that it could begin to explain even a little bit of how I feel.
Words demand explanation. They require analysis. They are the construction and expression of my thoughts. Of my heart. But they can't describe it. They can't describe any of it. They can't tell you how deep the memories are, or how often I think of them. They can't scream what I really want to say. They are the mask of how I really feel and they try to disguise the pain, but someone will strip it away. And someone will make those words worthless.
So what is a word worth? Nothing. What are three words worth? Nothing. But we say them anyway, because you know. You know, more than anyone what they mean. You know when I say I love you, I really mean that those three words can't describe what it is we have. When I say you're amazing, I know the word is just a cover; a quick way for me to remember all the things that amaze me about you, a mask for the memories we share, a disguised version of our adventures together. And I really believe that you know, when I say I miss you, it's not just that. I miss you every moment, and I miss just what your name means to me. It means an alphabet of sounds and letters and words. But none of them really mean anything, because words are based on trust, they rely on how truly and deeply we feel. Remember, always, that they don't mean anything, they are letters and they are constructions, but we deconstruct them every day and we twist them; we manipulate them so that they say what we want them to. But no word, no shape, no photograph could ever twist so far that it could begin to explain even a little bit of how I feel.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Whatever
WHATEVER THE FUTURE HOLDS, I WILL BE PREPARED.
this is what i keep telling myself these days. everything will be okay. i know it because it will all be up to me. and i will be prepared. no matter what. i'll be okay.
ps. dear blogger, i really hope you are doing something great with the system. or else, i might move domains. just thought i'd let you know that.. and no pressure or anything :)
this is what i keep telling myself these days. everything will be okay. i know it because it will all be up to me. and i will be prepared. no matter what. i'll be okay.
ps. dear blogger, i really hope you are doing something great with the system. or else, i might move domains. just thought i'd let you know that.. and no pressure or anything :)
..
there's a reason for everything; every mistake, every moment of weakness, every terrible thing that has happened to us. Grow away from it. the only way anyone will ever RESPECT you is if you show them you RESPECT yourself...
Monday, July 5, 2010
I hope you know
To,
The World
I hope you know
that you are amazing
in so many ways.
I hope you know
that you are most wonderful
in the simplest, littlest
moments.
I hope you know
that you have the ability
to make people laugh
and cry, at the same time.
I hope you know
that your tides of
happiness
make me feel like I’m
slowdancing
in an emotional
euphoria.
I hope you know
that the harmony
of your smile
is like staring into
a perfect silence
every single morning.
I hope you know
that this moonlight
always makes me wonder
where all of this will end.
You have an
affect on my
human spirit
that I can’t
describe.
I hope you know
that you have a
beautiful heart
deep down inside.
And it’s filled with fire.
And it’s filled with passion.
I hope you know
that you give me hope,
day after day.
I hope you know
that I love
you.
From,
The Heart
The World
I hope you know
that you are amazing
in so many ways.
I hope you know
that you are most wonderful
in the simplest, littlest
moments.
I hope you know
that you have the ability
to make people laugh
and cry, at the same time.
I hope you know
that your tides of
happiness
make me feel like I’m
slowdancing
in an emotional
euphoria.
I hope you know
that the harmony
of your smile
is like staring into
a perfect silence
every single morning.
I hope you know
that this moonlight
always makes me wonder
where all of this will end.
You have an
affect on my
human spirit
that I can’t
describe.
I hope you know
that you have a
beautiful heart
deep down inside.
And it’s filled with fire.
And it’s filled with passion.
I hope you know
that you give me hope,
day after day.
I hope you know
that I love
you.
From,
The Heart
It's rough
I know it's rough,
And I know that the road is so bloody bumpy,
And my moods are swinging like crazy,
And you get so angry,
And we begin to lose our way,
Like we're too far apart,
But I love you so much,
And this incredible, crazy amount of love I have for you,
Will always leave little paths in the middle of our big ones,
For us to meet again.
We will meet again,
Very soon.
I just need to find the path that leads me straight back,
Into that beautiful heart of yours..
And I know that the road is so bloody bumpy,
And my moods are swinging like crazy,
And you get so angry,
And we begin to lose our way,
Like we're too far apart,
But I love you so much,
And this incredible, crazy amount of love I have for you,
Will always leave little paths in the middle of our big ones,
For us to meet again.
We will meet again,
Very soon.
I just need to find the path that leads me straight back,
Into that beautiful heart of yours..
Sunday, July 4, 2010
wise advice?
last week, my friend shared this wise piece of advice:
live up to your expectations,
not down to your doubts.
i think that's something worth working on.
live up to your expectations,
not down to your doubts.
i think that's something worth working on.
Imagine
sometimes i think about the way things could have been.
where i could have gone to school,
what i could have studied,
where i could have traveled,
where i could have lived.
but i wonder if by doing those things,
i would wonder what i could have become,
just by doing what i have already.
where i could have gone to school,
what i could have studied,
where i could have traveled,
where i could have lived.
but i wonder if by doing those things,
i would wonder what i could have become,
just by doing what i have already.
only fools fall in love
I don't believe in love anymore. I once was love's biggest fan. I loved love. I believed in love at first sight, true love, soul mate, all that mushy-gushy stuff the best songs and books are written about. It's what every little girl dreams about. One day my prince will come....blah blah blah. I used to believe in love. I was in love, like I'm talking head over heals, stars in your eyes in L-O-V-E. I loved you with all my heart even though I knew you weren't perfect. You were always more sure about us. Then we broke up for a summer, but our hearts led us back together after three months of not ever really being broken up. When I walked in on you and her together, I thought my world would end. But time heals all wounds right? And you were so sorry and it was the biggest mistake of your life and I took you back once again. We were happy again and more in love than ever. I was living every girls fantasy. Against the odds we were soul mates made for one another. You went on your family trip across Europe and wrote me romantic emails. Then an e-mail came from six time zones away saying it had all been a lie. A lie? A whole year was a lie? What should I be more upset about my broken dreams and broken heart, or the fact that I fell for it? Only fools fall in love, and love played me like a fiddle. So I don't believe in love anymore. Because if you don't believe in love there is nothing to cry about, and I don't have anymore tears to cry. So I gave up on love because it gave up on me
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
refuse
refuse to slip; refuse to fall; refuse to feel any pain at all; can't be weak; can't stand still; watch your back because no one else will.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
I would like
i would like to live in a world of beauty.
no tests, no comparisons.
just a place where we are able to express how we feel,
a place where everyone we have ever loved,
we always love.
where friendships live for years,
and people matter more than things.
a place where happiness is not a feeling,
but rather a state of being.
an eternal identity.
i would like to live in a place that nurtures creativity.
where science and structure are second to seasons,
words, light, color, air, clean and smooth.
where i can be me,
and you can be you,
and there will be no end
to us.
no tests, no comparisons.
just a place where we are able to express how we feel,
a place where everyone we have ever loved,
we always love.
where friendships live for years,
and people matter more than things.
a place where happiness is not a feeling,
but rather a state of being.
an eternal identity.
i would like to live in a place that nurtures creativity.
where science and structure are second to seasons,
words, light, color, air, clean and smooth.
where i can be me,
and you can be you,
and there will be no end
to us.
the little kid in me
this is what i know for a fact: i am still a little kid at heart. it's not that i'm immature or childish.. it's more like i enjoy the things that little kids enjoy, specifically their films. don't get me wrong though, i hate cartoons. i hate spongebob. and other annoying sounding characters.. so maybe i am not a little kid at heart, after all. i don't know where i am getting at..
but this is what i know. i like nancy drew, harriet the spy, matilda, kit kittredge and you get my drift. any young girl with a character and special ability. i always find it so amusing, charming and just plain special :) and secretly, i wish i could be like them.
but this is what i know. i like nancy drew, harriet the spy, matilda, kit kittredge and you get my drift. any young girl with a character and special ability. i always find it so amusing, charming and just plain special :) and secretly, i wish i could be like them.
If my life was a book
if my life were a book,
it would be a book of poems,
with the occasional broadway musical
and harmonics in high places.
a short, yet complex piece
wherein i am the heroine
despite my lack of courage.
and in this book
there are episodes of calm,
and longer stretches of tired.
but always, there is love.
this book ends happily,
(because the author is
the one who chooses
those things).
and the author is me.
and the book is my life
it would be a book of poems,
with the occasional broadway musical
and harmonics in high places.
a short, yet complex piece
wherein i am the heroine
despite my lack of courage.
and in this book
there are episodes of calm,
and longer stretches of tired.
but always, there is love.
this book ends happily,
(because the author is
the one who chooses
those things).
and the author is me.
and the book is my life
Saturday, April 24, 2010
I will always be found
This is what I know.
I know that life is hard but I will never give up. And because of that, I know I have lived my life with grace.
I know that every person I've encountered entered my life for a reason, and had something extraordinary to teach me.
I know we need to experience the bitter,
in order to experience the sweet.
I know that tomorrows are a chance to live yesterdays better.
I know that crying is good for the heart,
and hugs are good for the soul.
I know that a life without trials, is merely a life without lessons.
I know that regret is just a six letter word. There are no regrets, there are only lessons learned.
I know life is a form of not being sure, and that is beautiful.
I know that the beauty of life will always overpower the ugly days.
And I know that no matter how many times I am lost, I will always be found.
I know that life is hard but I will never give up. And because of that, I know I have lived my life with grace.
I know that every person I've encountered entered my life for a reason, and had something extraordinary to teach me.
I know we need to experience the bitter,
in order to experience the sweet.
I know that tomorrows are a chance to live yesterdays better.
I know that crying is good for the heart,
and hugs are good for the soul.
I know that a life without trials, is merely a life without lessons.
I know that regret is just a six letter word. There are no regrets, there are only lessons learned.
I know life is a form of not being sure, and that is beautiful.
I know that the beauty of life will always overpower the ugly days.
And I know that no matter how many times I am lost, I will always be found.
S. O
Dear significant other,
I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I wonder where you are and what you're doing. I wonder if you think about me too. Is it strange to miss you this much when we've never met? I wonder if I'll know you're the one when I see you for the first time. I wonder if it will be one of those breath catching, life stopping moments where deep down in my heart, I just kind of know that I'll be with you forever. Darling? Let's be inseperable. Let's be madly in love. Let's drink tea late on Sunday nights and tell each other how lucky we are to have each other every night for the rest of our lives. Let's create a beautiful love story for the ages, a story worthy to be written by Shakespeare. I only have one thing to ask of you, don't take too long. I'm getting kind of restless.
Love always, Jade
I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I wonder where you are and what you're doing. I wonder if you think about me too. Is it strange to miss you this much when we've never met? I wonder if I'll know you're the one when I see you for the first time. I wonder if it will be one of those breath catching, life stopping moments where deep down in my heart, I just kind of know that I'll be with you forever. Darling? Let's be inseperable. Let's be madly in love. Let's drink tea late on Sunday nights and tell each other how lucky we are to have each other every night for the rest of our lives. Let's create a beautiful love story for the ages, a story worthy to be written by Shakespeare. I only have one thing to ask of you, don't take too long. I'm getting kind of restless.
Love always, Jade
Bestfriend love.
to my best friend.
im in love with you, it happened abruptly and out of nowhere but nonetheless it was clear as day while i was laying in you arms that i am indeed in love with you. you have no idea, and well to be honest up until now i myself have been in denial about it. im scared. im scared to lose our friendship. im scared to lose my best friend, my trustee, and my cuddle buddy. im sitting here writing this, not even planning on doing anything with it, just getting it out of my head. finally making it real, enabling myself from further lying to myself about it. i cant imagine ever telling you how i feel. i continue to torture myself with your presence, i should end our friendship right here and now, and finally free my self from my self inflicted torment. but i cant. i cant imagine my life without you in it. i cant imagine not being able to laugh with you about the air head things i did today or make fun of how immature you are. im terrified because i know what it feels like to have your best friend be in love with you, but to just simply not reciprocate the feeling. i now officially know what it feels like to be on both sides, and let me tell ya they are both miserable. thats the funny thing about love, you cant control it. you cant control who you love, or when you love them. love has seemingly gone rogue. or has it always been?
im in love with you, it happened abruptly and out of nowhere but nonetheless it was clear as day while i was laying in you arms that i am indeed in love with you. you have no idea, and well to be honest up until now i myself have been in denial about it. im scared. im scared to lose our friendship. im scared to lose my best friend, my trustee, and my cuddle buddy. im sitting here writing this, not even planning on doing anything with it, just getting it out of my head. finally making it real, enabling myself from further lying to myself about it. i cant imagine ever telling you how i feel. i continue to torture myself with your presence, i should end our friendship right here and now, and finally free my self from my self inflicted torment. but i cant. i cant imagine my life without you in it. i cant imagine not being able to laugh with you about the air head things i did today or make fun of how immature you are. im terrified because i know what it feels like to have your best friend be in love with you, but to just simply not reciprocate the feeling. i now officially know what it feels like to be on both sides, and let me tell ya they are both miserable. thats the funny thing about love, you cant control it. you cant control who you love, or when you love them. love has seemingly gone rogue. or has it always been?
Finding the light.
we live.
and we love.
and we learn.
with every passing moment we become better.
we become wiser.
we become stronger.
with every heartbreak we find our inner strength.
and with every dark moment we get one moment closer to finding the light.
and we love.
and we learn.
with every passing moment we become better.
we become wiser.
we become stronger.
with every heartbreak we find our inner strength.
and with every dark moment we get one moment closer to finding the light.
Forever
I want to be the girl who you tell is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen,
even when I'm 70 and filled with laugh lines..
I want to be the one you choose to grow old with.
I'm giving you my everything,
my promise to love you
my promise to hold you
my promise to stick by you
my promise to tickle you, and be annoying.
I want to be everything you want, everything you need.
Forever.
even when I'm 70 and filled with laugh lines..
I want to be the one you choose to grow old with.
I'm giving you my everything,
my promise to love you
my promise to hold you
my promise to stick by you
my promise to tickle you, and be annoying.
I want to be everything you want, everything you need.
Forever.
Promises
Promises.
Alot of people make promises.
Promises that they can’t keep. I
t has always made me wonder why we do this, as it seems stupid.
Yet, i make promises myself that i can not keep.
I think we make promises to ones we love to keep them happy.
To friends to keep them happy.
Family, to keep them happy.
It’s funny how many people can say they will promise to do something, and never have any intention of doing it.
I have done this, i know you have too.
But after all the intention given, and the hurt recieverd from many a broken promise, i still find the urge to promise you the world.
I can’t promise that we wont fight, or that every day will be as great as the last, but what i can promise you is that i will love you forever, and always, with every inch of my heart.
Alot of people make promises.
Promises that they can’t keep. I
t has always made me wonder why we do this, as it seems stupid.
Yet, i make promises myself that i can not keep.
I think we make promises to ones we love to keep them happy.
To friends to keep them happy.
Family, to keep them happy.
It’s funny how many people can say they will promise to do something, and never have any intention of doing it.
I have done this, i know you have too.
But after all the intention given, and the hurt recieverd from many a broken promise, i still find the urge to promise you the world.
I can’t promise that we wont fight, or that every day will be as great as the last, but what i can promise you is that i will love you forever, and always, with every inch of my heart.
The Rain is Beautiful :)
On this day, you read something that moved you
and made you realize there were no more fears to fear, no tears to cry, no head to hang in shame.
That every time you thought you’d offended someone
it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that.
That everyone and everything lives on inside you
and that that doesn’t make any of it any less real.
That soft touches will change you
and stay with you longer than hard ones.
That being alone means you’re free.
That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you
and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with.
That everything you want to happen will happen
if you decide you want it enough.
That every time you think a sad thought
you can think a happy one instead,
and you control that completely.
That the people who make you laugh
are more beautiful than beautiful people.
That the people you hate wish you would stop
and you do too.
That your friends are reflections
of the best parts of you.
That you are more than the sum total of the things you know
and how you react to them.
That dancing is sometimes more important
than listening to the music.
That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life
are only remembered by you.
That no one judges you when you walk into a room
and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them.
That what you make and what you do with your time
is more important than you’ll ever fathom.
That the difference between a job and art is passion
and that neither defines who you are.
That talking to strangers
is how you make friends.
That bad days end
but a smile can go around the world.
That life contradicts itself constantly
and that that’s why it’s worth living.
That the difference between pain and love
is time.
That love is only as real
as you want it to be.
That if you feel good, you look good -
but it doesn’t always work the other way around.
That the sun will rise each day
and it’s up to you each day to match it.
That nothing matters up until this point.
That what you decide now -
In this moment -
Will change the future forever.
That rain is beautiful.
And so are you.
and made you realize there were no more fears to fear, no tears to cry, no head to hang in shame.
That every time you thought you’d offended someone
it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that.
That everyone and everything lives on inside you
and that that doesn’t make any of it any less real.
That soft touches will change you
and stay with you longer than hard ones.
That being alone means you’re free.
That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you
and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with.
That everything you want to happen will happen
if you decide you want it enough.
That every time you think a sad thought
you can think a happy one instead,
and you control that completely.
That the people who make you laugh
are more beautiful than beautiful people.
That the people you hate wish you would stop
and you do too.
That your friends are reflections
of the best parts of you.
That you are more than the sum total of the things you know
and how you react to them.
That dancing is sometimes more important
than listening to the music.
That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life
are only remembered by you.
That no one judges you when you walk into a room
and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them.
That what you make and what you do with your time
is more important than you’ll ever fathom.
That the difference between a job and art is passion
and that neither defines who you are.
That talking to strangers
is how you make friends.
That bad days end
but a smile can go around the world.
That life contradicts itself constantly
and that that’s why it’s worth living.
That the difference between pain and love
is time.
That love is only as real
as you want it to be.
That if you feel good, you look good -
but it doesn’t always work the other way around.
That the sun will rise each day
and it’s up to you each day to match it.
That nothing matters up until this point.
That what you decide now -
In this moment -
Will change the future forever.
That rain is beautiful.
And so are you.
William Parish Quote
"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried...you haven't lived."
-William Parish
-William Parish
Friday, February 19, 2010
On being me
I have some thoughts today.
The humbling, deep kind.
I walked home in the cold and tears pricked my eyes.
Because I think I really saw myself.
And you know what?
I really love her.
And sometimes I cry because I know that.
And maybe that seems strange,
But to me it is so beautiful I can't help it.
I cried because I saw myself in a new way,
Someone capable of being that person I imagined I would be,
10 years ago when I pictured my life.
I probably didn't picture this crying, humbled, girl in the snow.
I pictured parties, and boys, and easy A's.
But I like this girl a lot better.
And younger self?
The humbling, deep kind.
I walked home in the cold and tears pricked my eyes.
Because I think I really saw myself.
And you know what?
I really love her.
And sometimes I cry because I know that.
And maybe that seems strange,
But to me it is so beautiful I can't help it.
I cried because I saw myself in a new way,
Someone capable of being that person I imagined I would be,
10 years ago when I pictured my life.
I probably didn't picture this crying, humbled, girl in the snow.
I pictured parties, and boys, and easy A's.
But I like this girl a lot better.
And younger self?
hummingbird
Suppose I say summer,
Write the word hummingbird
put it in an envelope,
take it down the hill
to the box. When you open
my letter you will recall
those days and how much,
just how much, I love you.
-Raymond Carver
Write the word hummingbird
put it in an envelope,
take it down the hill
to the box. When you open
my letter you will recall
those days and how much,
just how much, I love you.
-Raymond Carver
secrets
I think I fell in love with secrets.
This may seem strange, but I think secrets,
The right kind,
Are tantalizing.
I am not talking about the bad kind of secrets.
I am talking about the secrets that you only share with yourself.
Like talking to yourself in a British accent when you are alone,
Or pretending you have 20 seconds to choose the boy you will marry in your 3rd grade class.
(Am I the only one who did that?)
Or saving $10 a month to buy that anthropologie skirt you've been craving.
I think having secrets with yourself helps you love yourself.
And loving yourself, is the most important step to loving someone else
This may seem strange, but I think secrets,
The right kind,
Are tantalizing.
I am not talking about the bad kind of secrets.
I am talking about the secrets that you only share with yourself.
Like talking to yourself in a British accent when you are alone,
Or pretending you have 20 seconds to choose the boy you will marry in your 3rd grade class.
(Am I the only one who did that?)
Or saving $10 a month to buy that anthropologie skirt you've been craving.
I think having secrets with yourself helps you love yourself.
And loving yourself, is the most important step to loving someone else
Without falling in love
Loving things that are alive is always harder than loving things that are not,
Because when you love something alive,
There is a chance that it might not love you back.
And maybe, will even reject your love.
Some people fall in love many times,
But some of us only manage to do it once.
I fell in love with the idea of love before I ever really fell in love.
And it seemed right at the time,
But the right kind of love,
Will make you feel whole.
Yourself.
So I suppose those nights sitting by my desk,
listening to music,
Studying physiology together,
Crying tears too often,
Was not really love.
But just my first recognition that love is what I wanted in my future.
And that recognition didn't count then,
But it does now.
Does that make sense?
I fell in love with love,
Without falling in love.
Because when you love something alive,
There is a chance that it might not love you back.
And maybe, will even reject your love.
Some people fall in love many times,
But some of us only manage to do it once.
I fell in love with the idea of love before I ever really fell in love.
And it seemed right at the time,
But the right kind of love,
Will make you feel whole.
Yourself.
So I suppose those nights sitting by my desk,
listening to music,
Studying physiology together,
Crying tears too often,
Was not really love.
But just my first recognition that love is what I wanted in my future.
And that recognition didn't count then,
But it does now.
Does that make sense?
I fell in love with love,
Without falling in love.
Talent
"Talent isn't genius, and no amount of energy can make it so.
I want to be great, or nothing."
- Louisa May Alcott
Some things we fall in love with are not always good.
But I think I fell in love with something that is potentially good,
And potentially harmful.
I fell in love with ambition.
I fell in love with being better.
Sometimes though, it is not only better for myself,
But better than others.
It's a love that I love and hate.
But one I am still working on perfecting.
Because love is like that.
It needs perfecting sometimes.
I want to be great, or nothing."
- Louisa May Alcott
Some things we fall in love with are not always good.
But I think I fell in love with something that is potentially good,
And potentially harmful.
I fell in love with ambition.
I fell in love with being better.
Sometimes though, it is not only better for myself,
But better than others.
It's a love that I love and hate.
But one I am still working on perfecting.
Because love is like that.
It needs perfecting sometimes.
Charity
"Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us.
Charity is expecting the best of each other."
- Marvin J. Ashton
This kind of love is the hardest.
But it is also the most important.
I'm still trying to infuse it into my life.
Every.
Single.
Day.
Charity is expecting the best of each other."
- Marvin J. Ashton
This kind of love is the hardest.
But it is also the most important.
I'm still trying to infuse it into my life.
Every.
Single.
Day.
Hafiz
All I really want,
Is to love like this:
"Our Union is like this:
You feel cold, so I reach for a blanket to cover our shivering feet.
A hunger comes into your body,
so I run to my garden
and start digging potatoes.
You asked for a few words of guidance and comfort,
and I quickly kneel by your side
offering you a whole book as a gift.
You ache with loneliness one night
so much you weep,
and I say here is a rope,
tie it around me,
I will be your companion for life.
- Hafiz
Is to love like this:
"Our Union is like this:
You feel cold, so I reach for a blanket to cover our shivering feet.
A hunger comes into your body,
so I run to my garden
and start digging potatoes.
You asked for a few words of guidance and comfort,
and I quickly kneel by your side
offering you a whole book as a gift.
You ache with loneliness one night
so much you weep,
and I say here is a rope,
tie it around me,
I will be your companion for life.
- Hafiz
I love a lot of people
I love people.
I love my old Italian uncle and his Southern accent.
I love the twins I used to baby-sit and their tiny beds.
I love the friends I have made through blogging.
I love the people who were nice to me in Cairns.
I love my third grade teacher who cried reading Where the Red Fern Grows.
I love my sisters because they know why.
I love my best friend because she inspires me.
I love my little brother (sometimes) who just had a birthday.
I love the friends I've told secrets with since we were 10.
I love the friends I have met at highschool.
I love the boys I've dated in the past who broke my heart just because.
I love the silverboy, sectretly.
I love my neighbours, they best and never would have found them if I didn't venture down the road.
I love my soul sisters.
I love my Mom and Dad because they loved me first.
I love a lot of people.
More than on this list.
Who do you love?
I love my old Italian uncle and his Southern accent.
I love the twins I used to baby-sit and their tiny beds.
I love the friends I have made through blogging.
I love the people who were nice to me in Cairns.
I love my third grade teacher who cried reading Where the Red Fern Grows.
I love my sisters because they know why.
I love my best friend because she inspires me.
I love my little brother (sometimes) who just had a birthday.
I love the friends I've told secrets with since we were 10.
I love the friends I have met at highschool.
I love the boys I've dated in the past who broke my heart just because.
I love the silverboy, sectretly.
I love my neighbours, they best and never would have found them if I didn't venture down the road.
I love my soul sisters.
I love my Mom and Dad because they loved me first.
I love a lot of people.
More than on this list.
Who do you love?
What is love?
I suppose,
Love in all of its many forms is beautiful.
I do not pretend to be the expert on love,
Because I don't believe that love is something you fall into.
I believe it is something you learn to do.
It doesn't fix you.
It won't solve your problems.
It won't make a sad person happy,
Or an insecure person secure.
But what it does?
It teaches you to trust.
It enables you to forget yourself.
It motivates you to continue.
(at least the real kind).
Love in all of its many forms is beautiful.
I do not pretend to be the expert on love,
Because I don't believe that love is something you fall into.
I believe it is something you learn to do.
It doesn't fix you.
It won't solve your problems.
It won't make a sad person happy,
Or an insecure person secure.
But what it does?
It teaches you to trust.
It enables you to forget yourself.
It motivates you to continue.
(at least the real kind).
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I guess it's a bit like this
I guess it's like when you find out Santa Clause isn't real anymore. I guess it's like the time when Blink 182 broke up, and everyone was really, really sad. I guess it's like the time I turned 12, and I realized chances are I probably wasn't ever going to be a famous singer. And I guess it's like finding out that I do have a long way to go to get to where I want to be. I guess there comes a time in your life when you come to terms with everything, whether you just happened to or whether you had to push yourself to. Because being in the "Popular Crowd" in High School isn't going to determine the kind of life you live. And maybe accepting that life isn't perfect, and that neither are we, is probably the most liberating, exhilarating thing we can do for ourselves. And once we are at peace with how life works, it's kind of like our souls begin to breathe a little easier. And every day makes a little more sense. And yes maybe today will snow, but maybe tomorrow won't. And maybe I'm not as complete as I should be, but maybe the summertime will still come. And maybe once Blink 182 broke up, maybe they would be together again one day. And I guess it's like in 1970, when the Beatles wrote Let It Be. And maybe, just maybe, that's kind of how life works. And maybe, just maybe, I needed to learn that tonight.
Just a thought
Do you ever wake up and wonder,
"Is there going to be something about today that I will always remember?"
"Is there going to be something about today that I will always remember?"
Not like her
I had this phrase not like her floating around in my head last week and had no idea why. Well, OK, the obvious reason is that's the way I've always felt: All those guys I've had feelings for have ended up falling for a girl who is nothing like me. That's the idea I had in mind going in to writing this one, and then what do I discover this week? That person I shouldn't be having feelings for...well, he has feelings for someone else. His new girlfriend. Ever been my shoes, friends?
I know you said you'd fight for her
But I'm not so sure she deserves it
She doesn't make you smile anymore
And you say you don't know who to trust
That your world is slowly coming undone
I know I miss the way you were before
Maybe I'm making things too damn complicated
But that's just the way it has to be
Take my heart 'cause it desperately wants to tell you everything...
To hear you talk about her
There's no doubt she's beautiful
I wonder if you knew how much it hurt
To see her with you
And realize I'm not like her
You say you're happy with her, but I'm the girl you could have adored
We could have been beautiful together
Too bad I'm not like her
I wake up at 3 a.m. wondering why I care so much
Knowing I should just give you up
I gave you my heart even though you didn't know it
And now it's not my place to say
But when has that ever stopped me anyway?
Seems I'm bound to show it
Well thanks for telling me
I guess that's it, then
A beginning without an ending...
To hear you talk about her
There's no doubt she's beautiful
I wonder if you knew how much it hurt
To see her with you
And realize I'm not like her
You say you're happy with her, but I'm the girl you could have adored
We could have been beautiful together
Too bad I'm not like her
So, yeah, you told me about her
I'm not exactly sure why when I'm not the one who asked
And now all I do is try to figure out why I care
Knowing I'll never be like her
To hear you talk about her
There's no doubt she's beautiful
I wonder if you knew how much it hurt
To see her with you
And realize I'm not like her
You say you're happy with her, but I'm the girl you could have adored
We could have been beautiful together
Too bad I'm not like her
To hear you talk about her
There's no doubt she's beautiful
I wonder if you knew how much it hurt
To see her with you
And realize I'm not like her
You say you're happy with her, but I'm the girl you could have adored
We could have been beautiful together
Too bad I'm not like her
It took you only a minute to say it
But little did you know that it stayed with me...
I know you said you'd fight for her
But I'm not so sure she deserves it
She doesn't make you smile anymore
And you say you don't know who to trust
That your world is slowly coming undone
I know I miss the way you were before
Maybe I'm making things too damn complicated
But that's just the way it has to be
Take my heart 'cause it desperately wants to tell you everything...
To hear you talk about her
There's no doubt she's beautiful
I wonder if you knew how much it hurt
To see her with you
And realize I'm not like her
You say you're happy with her, but I'm the girl you could have adored
We could have been beautiful together
Too bad I'm not like her
I wake up at 3 a.m. wondering why I care so much
Knowing I should just give you up
I gave you my heart even though you didn't know it
And now it's not my place to say
But when has that ever stopped me anyway?
Seems I'm bound to show it
Well thanks for telling me
I guess that's it, then
A beginning without an ending...
To hear you talk about her
There's no doubt she's beautiful
I wonder if you knew how much it hurt
To see her with you
And realize I'm not like her
You say you're happy with her, but I'm the girl you could have adored
We could have been beautiful together
Too bad I'm not like her
So, yeah, you told me about her
I'm not exactly sure why when I'm not the one who asked
And now all I do is try to figure out why I care
Knowing I'll never be like her
To hear you talk about her
There's no doubt she's beautiful
I wonder if you knew how much it hurt
To see her with you
And realize I'm not like her
You say you're happy with her, but I'm the girl you could have adored
We could have been beautiful together
Too bad I'm not like her
To hear you talk about her
There's no doubt she's beautiful
I wonder if you knew how much it hurt
To see her with you
And realize I'm not like her
You say you're happy with her, but I'm the girl you could have adored
We could have been beautiful together
Too bad I'm not like her
It took you only a minute to say it
But little did you know that it stayed with me...
Thursday, February 11, 2010
grateful for love
"our fault is being human,
mistakes are everywhere,
i am sorry for ever being unkind
or acting like i didn’t care.
there’s one sad truth in life i’ve found,
after traveling from east to west;
the only people we really wound
are those who we love best.
....
so let me end by saying one thing:
I love you, I love you, I do,
you’re my best friend, you make me happy
and I want to do the same for you.
...
ps. and if this apology does not suffice,
i will make you a thousand plates of chicken and rice."
the end.
and yes, the poem above was written by me a few years ago.
it is the equivalent of second grade english, i know.
i found this tonight on my computer,
and after totally forgetting about it,
(my poetic ability may not have been such a bad thing to forget)
i was reminded of one very wonderful thing:
i am grateful for love,
and for the love that always allows forgiveness.
i realize that i am far from perfect,
in fact i always will be.
but there are those who love me,
who love me despite my imperfectness,
and a certain someone who loved me even
after receiving this tragic poem,
and after eating one-too-many plates of my specialty:
chicken and rice.
and then i think of all the others in my life,
who, for some reason, still love me too.
and that makes me very grateful for love this year.
mistakes are everywhere,
i am sorry for ever being unkind
or acting like i didn’t care.
there’s one sad truth in life i’ve found,
after traveling from east to west;
the only people we really wound
are those who we love best.
....
so let me end by saying one thing:
I love you, I love you, I do,
you’re my best friend, you make me happy
and I want to do the same for you.
...
ps. and if this apology does not suffice,
i will make you a thousand plates of chicken and rice."
the end.
and yes, the poem above was written by me a few years ago.
it is the equivalent of second grade english, i know.
i found this tonight on my computer,
and after totally forgetting about it,
(my poetic ability may not have been such a bad thing to forget)
i was reminded of one very wonderful thing:
i am grateful for love,
and for the love that always allows forgiveness.
i realize that i am far from perfect,
in fact i always will be.
but there are those who love me,
who love me despite my imperfectness,
and a certain someone who loved me even
after receiving this tragic poem,
and after eating one-too-many plates of my specialty:
chicken and rice.
and then i think of all the others in my life,
who, for some reason, still love me too.
and that makes me very grateful for love this year.
Optimistic
he doesn't deserve me.
i know that that's what everyone's been telling me for months, and ive known it was true. but now i feel it. i feel it in my heart that i am too good for him. he wasn't any good for me. he hurt me, he rejected me, he made the corners of my soul cave in. he made me happy for such a short time, and even then it was full of ups and downs. and i deserve better than that. i deserve a boy that loves me, that truly knows me fully and completely and is in love with every bit of me. i deserve a guy that always wants to be with me and will do anything for me. i deserve a man who makes me happy.
and i believe he exists. i believe now that someday, i will find my perfect match. i haven't been optimistic in months. i've spent so much time alone, dwelling on him, on the one that broke my heart. and i haven't been able to see that this isn't the end. i'm young, i have the rest of my life ahead of me. one day, i will find that person and we will fall crazily and madly in love. he exists. and it's okay if i don't find him anytime soon. i'm not going to go out there and search for him. because you know what? i do believe in soulmates. i believe that everyone has someone made just for them. and today, today i felt that hope inside of me. that i will find my soulmate. and that this guy, this stupid guy that broke me is not him. so why am i wasting my life crying over him? from now on, i'm just going to let go. i know i won't completely get over him right away, but i'm not going to spend any more time sitting at home when i could be living my life. i'm letting go of him because i don't need him.
i'm going to live. i'm going to have a love for life. and i'm going to be happy.
i know that that's what everyone's been telling me for months, and ive known it was true. but now i feel it. i feel it in my heart that i am too good for him. he wasn't any good for me. he hurt me, he rejected me, he made the corners of my soul cave in. he made me happy for such a short time, and even then it was full of ups and downs. and i deserve better than that. i deserve a boy that loves me, that truly knows me fully and completely and is in love with every bit of me. i deserve a guy that always wants to be with me and will do anything for me. i deserve a man who makes me happy.
and i believe he exists. i believe now that someday, i will find my perfect match. i haven't been optimistic in months. i've spent so much time alone, dwelling on him, on the one that broke my heart. and i haven't been able to see that this isn't the end. i'm young, i have the rest of my life ahead of me. one day, i will find that person and we will fall crazily and madly in love. he exists. and it's okay if i don't find him anytime soon. i'm not going to go out there and search for him. because you know what? i do believe in soulmates. i believe that everyone has someone made just for them. and today, today i felt that hope inside of me. that i will find my soulmate. and that this guy, this stupid guy that broke me is not him. so why am i wasting my life crying over him? from now on, i'm just going to let go. i know i won't completely get over him right away, but i'm not going to spend any more time sitting at home when i could be living my life. i'm letting go of him because i don't need him.
i'm going to live. i'm going to have a love for life. and i'm going to be happy.
I just don't feel it
My boyfriend and I have been going out for a little over eight months. I was happy. He was happier. I was never sure what love meant or if I loved him or not, but when he said the three magic words a couple months in I did too. Not just because he did, I really thought I did. He is the sweetest guy when you get to know him but tonight as I looked at him from across the room while hanging out with some friends, I realized that I didn't love him. Maybe I did in certain moments when we were together. Or maybe I loved the idea of him more that him in reality. Either way he was my first boyfriend so how could I know what love was?
Why couldn't this have come to me earlier? Not eight months in, after I have met his family and hung out with them. They like me and I like them. But I don't love him. He is perfect on paper, and so am I, and yet we are so not perfect together. I just don't feel anything when I look at him now. How do I get out when I don't want to hurt him? He loves me, he really does. And that's what kills me.
I hate myself for doing this to him, but I can't stay with him.
I am no poet or master with words like some of the people that send in their stories to this site, but I thought maybe writing down the way I feel could make it more real to me.
Why couldn't this have come to me earlier? Not eight months in, after I have met his family and hung out with them. They like me and I like them. But I don't love him. He is perfect on paper, and so am I, and yet we are so not perfect together. I just don't feel anything when I look at him now. How do I get out when I don't want to hurt him? He loves me, he really does. And that's what kills me.
I hate myself for doing this to him, but I can't stay with him.
I am no poet or master with words like some of the people that send in their stories to this site, but I thought maybe writing down the way I feel could make it more real to me.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Captivate me
Your thoughts,
Your movements,
The brush of your hand.
Your heart,
Your eyes,
And a cheeky grin.
Your short hair,
Your long hair,
Strawberry blonde in the sun.
Your love,
Your heart beat,
The rhythm of you.
You captivate me.
Completely.
Your movements,
The brush of your hand.
Your heart,
Your eyes,
And a cheeky grin.
Your short hair,
Your long hair,
Strawberry blonde in the sun.
Your love,
Your heart beat,
The rhythm of you.
You captivate me.
Completely.
never ment to last
Some people are never built to last,
I could love you as much as I possibly could
Day in, and day out.
But what happens when I can't love you anymore
When I wake up one morning and everything I feel for you isn't there
But it was there the night before wasn't it?
Or maybe it wasn't?
Maybe it hasn't been there for a while,
And I'd been so used to your reliability,
That I was blindsided by an unaltered path of constant normal, the same.
I don't know, I woke up this morning and I still love you,
I thought about you,
I wondered how you were.
So maybe we've got a little longer to go in the long run.
Maybe we'll still call each other home in twenty years.
I really hope so.
I could love you as much as I possibly could
Day in, and day out.
But what happens when I can't love you anymore
When I wake up one morning and everything I feel for you isn't there
But it was there the night before wasn't it?
Or maybe it wasn't?
Maybe it hasn't been there for a while,
And I'd been so used to your reliability,
That I was blindsided by an unaltered path of constant normal, the same.
I don't know, I woke up this morning and I still love you,
I thought about you,
I wondered how you were.
So maybe we've got a little longer to go in the long run.
Maybe we'll still call each other home in twenty years.
I really hope so.
No getting over
All the things I know right now,
if I only knew back then,
there's no gettin' over,
there's no gettin' over,
there's just no getting over you.
Wish I could spin my world into reverse
just to have you back again,
there's no gettin' over,
there's no gettin over,
there's just no getting over you
if I only knew back then,
there's no gettin' over,
there's no gettin' over,
there's just no getting over you.
Wish I could spin my world into reverse
just to have you back again,
there's no gettin' over,
there's no gettin over,
there's just no getting over you
vodka
My only love is for you, vodka.
Before it became a crush,
we were family friends.
You slipped in and out of my parent's parties.
I saw you only in passing.
We were never introduced...
...formally, that is.
The first time I saw you out of my house
was that night.
The night we first spoke.
You comforted me and
cradled me in your arms.
I was with all my best friends,
but you and I seemed to fit so perfectly.
Some say we took those first steps too quickly.
It wasn't love right away, but I was
intrigued by you and your
sense of warmth.
After nights similar to the first,
I began to think of you a lot.
If a weekend would pass without you in it,
in me,
it was incomplete.
I yearned for your touch
and the way you made my skin prickle.
My lips tingle in the thought of you now.
At the beginning, it was simply fun with you.
Innocent fun with no repercussions.
That is when I learned to love you.
I loved how you didn't have a plan or sense of direction.
You were spontaneous.
I was insecure and fragile, looking for someone,
something,
just like you.
At first, you brought out the best in me,
showed me that when we were together,
I meant something,
and I will always thank you for that.
There were times when I questioned your worth.
Some nights you would engulf me,
take everything of me,
chew me up
and spit me back out.
You never threatened me, or hurt me.
I just loved you so much that I would do anything you said.
Maybe I was angry with you in the morning,
but I always forgave you the next time we were together.
Run up to you and hug you, and you would kiss me twice on each cheek.
Like you always had.
As if nothing had happened.
Somehow promising that tonight would be better.
From that first night to now,
our love affair has been consistent.
I always want you
and your smooth touch.
And even after every time you put me down.
You're always the one to pull me back up.
I've shared so many memories with you,
dark and messy nights,
poetic and spiritual ones too.
Every time I hear your name or
know that you are near,
my eyes widen.
I bite my lip and smile.
I get shaky and anticipate your arrival.
Some people love you superficially.
They are the ones who don't easily forgive.
But you know that I will always love you.
Some will try to tear us apart,
saying that you don't love me back.
That you can't.
They've tried and lost.
Even if I don't directly receive love in return,
the way you make me feel, and act, and cry,
lets me know that you do love me.
You are the only one who can hurt me
as much as you have,
and know that I will always run back into your arms.
Before it became a crush,
we were family friends.
You slipped in and out of my parent's parties.
I saw you only in passing.
We were never introduced...
...formally, that is.
The first time I saw you out of my house
was that night.
The night we first spoke.
You comforted me and
cradled me in your arms.
I was with all my best friends,
but you and I seemed to fit so perfectly.
Some say we took those first steps too quickly.
It wasn't love right away, but I was
intrigued by you and your
sense of warmth.
After nights similar to the first,
I began to think of you a lot.
If a weekend would pass without you in it,
in me,
it was incomplete.
I yearned for your touch
and the way you made my skin prickle.
My lips tingle in the thought of you now.
At the beginning, it was simply fun with you.
Innocent fun with no repercussions.
That is when I learned to love you.
I loved how you didn't have a plan or sense of direction.
You were spontaneous.
I was insecure and fragile, looking for someone,
something,
just like you.
At first, you brought out the best in me,
showed me that when we were together,
I meant something,
and I will always thank you for that.
There were times when I questioned your worth.
Some nights you would engulf me,
take everything of me,
chew me up
and spit me back out.
You never threatened me, or hurt me.
I just loved you so much that I would do anything you said.
Maybe I was angry with you in the morning,
but I always forgave you the next time we were together.
Run up to you and hug you, and you would kiss me twice on each cheek.
Like you always had.
As if nothing had happened.
Somehow promising that tonight would be better.
From that first night to now,
our love affair has been consistent.
I always want you
and your smooth touch.
And even after every time you put me down.
You're always the one to pull me back up.
I've shared so many memories with you,
dark and messy nights,
poetic and spiritual ones too.
Every time I hear your name or
know that you are near,
my eyes widen.
I bite my lip and smile.
I get shaky and anticipate your arrival.
Some people love you superficially.
They are the ones who don't easily forgive.
But you know that I will always love you.
Some will try to tear us apart,
saying that you don't love me back.
That you can't.
They've tried and lost.
Even if I don't directly receive love in return,
the way you make me feel, and act, and cry,
lets me know that you do love me.
You are the only one who can hurt me
as much as you have,
and know that I will always run back into your arms.
he see's me
He sees me. He sees who am i. He sees what others are to busy or to blind to see. He sees me.
When I see problems, he sees the possibilities in them. Solutions where I can only see trouble. And I am thankful for that. A shoulder to lean on. A hand to hold. A person to love. That's him. And I absolutely adore him. Especially his morning smile. And they way he looks at the lifelines in my hands. How he follows them with the tips of his fingers. How it usually tickles. How he says: "your lifelines say that we are forever." And I believe him. No matter what he says. I will believe him. And that is power. That is making yourself so vulnerable that it scares you but you still take the risk. The chance of letting yourself love - and be loved in return.
My butterflies become suicide bombers and throw themselves at the walls of my stomach when I see or hear your name. Which is a good feeling since it is the feeling that I have always associate with love. And that I can still feel it after 1 and a half year makes me believe in us, believe in that we are forever.
We are forever.
When I see problems, he sees the possibilities in them. Solutions where I can only see trouble. And I am thankful for that. A shoulder to lean on. A hand to hold. A person to love. That's him. And I absolutely adore him. Especially his morning smile. And they way he looks at the lifelines in my hands. How he follows them with the tips of his fingers. How it usually tickles. How he says: "your lifelines say that we are forever." And I believe him. No matter what he says. I will believe him. And that is power. That is making yourself so vulnerable that it scares you but you still take the risk. The chance of letting yourself love - and be loved in return.
My butterflies become suicide bombers and throw themselves at the walls of my stomach when I see or hear your name. Which is a good feeling since it is the feeling that I have always associate with love. And that I can still feel it after 1 and a half year makes me believe in us, believe in that we are forever.
We are forever.
love you have to love her
i know love. i've seen her- we are friends. i believe in her and even though we fight sometimes, in the end she always pulls through for me when i need her and for that, i'm grateful.
right now, we are not on the best of terms. i feel like i have a bone to pick with love. i am watching one of the most difficult things i have ever had to watch. i am watching the person who taught me about love, the person who introduced us, i'm watching her fall apart.
it sucks. because, having finally learned to believe in something, i have to watch it be tested in this way, and i don't know whats going to happen, or how, or why its happening. why would love, our sweet, gentle, loyal friend, desert one of her own? how could she? how could she stand by and let this happen to someone with so much faith in her?
it is unfair. it tears me up and it makes me wonder- have we all misplaced our trust, our hope, faith and belief? it makes me wonder why we're all out to befriend such a fickle, fickle bitch. if she could just chose to take a rain-check on us like this, when times get hard.
i think, we can be very hard on love. we expect so much. we want to salvage our relationship so badly, that we refuse to let her off the hook even when its not entirely her fault. we look at love, and ask her why.
we need to not blame ourselves, we need to not point fingers. we need to understand the nature of love, we need to understand how she works and why. because otherwise, we are bound to be let down. we need to understand that she is around simply, to entertain us. to make her presence felt. perhaps comfort us, and reassure us. in the end, we wallow in the belief that she will not, cannot, hold you together when you need her most. that is because we are blind.
we are a dependent society and i find it sad. i love love. i love my boyfriend, i love my family, and i love my friends. hell, i love my fuzzy gray beanie that will probably never be returned to its rightful owner... i love love. but i have a healthy fear, an acknowledgment to the fact that she is liable to drop out from beneath my feet at any moment. the future is not promised us.
we need to stop running, blindfolded by love. we need to accept that things change, and accept love from wherever we can get it, even if its not where you want it to come from. we need to let our friends love us. let our parents, pets, and hobbies, love us.
because when you lose one source of love, you're going to wish you had another.
love, where are you when we need you? the truth is, she's right there. we are just to absorbed to see her, because she takes a form that we may not necessarily be in the mood for. but she is there. she is always there. and she may not love you. but you need to love her.
no matter what, you need to love her.
right now, we are not on the best of terms. i feel like i have a bone to pick with love. i am watching one of the most difficult things i have ever had to watch. i am watching the person who taught me about love, the person who introduced us, i'm watching her fall apart.
it sucks. because, having finally learned to believe in something, i have to watch it be tested in this way, and i don't know whats going to happen, or how, or why its happening. why would love, our sweet, gentle, loyal friend, desert one of her own? how could she? how could she stand by and let this happen to someone with so much faith in her?
it is unfair. it tears me up and it makes me wonder- have we all misplaced our trust, our hope, faith and belief? it makes me wonder why we're all out to befriend such a fickle, fickle bitch. if she could just chose to take a rain-check on us like this, when times get hard.
i think, we can be very hard on love. we expect so much. we want to salvage our relationship so badly, that we refuse to let her off the hook even when its not entirely her fault. we look at love, and ask her why.
we need to not blame ourselves, we need to not point fingers. we need to understand the nature of love, we need to understand how she works and why. because otherwise, we are bound to be let down. we need to understand that she is around simply, to entertain us. to make her presence felt. perhaps comfort us, and reassure us. in the end, we wallow in the belief that she will not, cannot, hold you together when you need her most. that is because we are blind.
we are a dependent society and i find it sad. i love love. i love my boyfriend, i love my family, and i love my friends. hell, i love my fuzzy gray beanie that will probably never be returned to its rightful owner... i love love. but i have a healthy fear, an acknowledgment to the fact that she is liable to drop out from beneath my feet at any moment. the future is not promised us.
we need to stop running, blindfolded by love. we need to accept that things change, and accept love from wherever we can get it, even if its not where you want it to come from. we need to let our friends love us. let our parents, pets, and hobbies, love us.
because when you lose one source of love, you're going to wish you had another.
love, where are you when we need you? the truth is, she's right there. we are just to absorbed to see her, because she takes a form that we may not necessarily be in the mood for. but she is there. she is always there. and she may not love you. but you need to love her.
no matter what, you need to love her.
prince charming
I feel ripped off by Disney movies. I grew up believing that my very own Prince Charming would find me, and it would be lovely, and I would be happy forever and there would never be a spider in the bath, or a blown light bulb when I’m home alone, or a rainy day when I missed the bus. My Prince Charming would never let me feel sad. I honestly believed that, because seeing is believing, and that was all I’d seen.
But I was little then, and now I am sixteen years old, and I wonder if Prince Charmings even exist. I know I’m too young to feel like this, but I’m glad of it. I’m glad I’ve realized now that even if I did find that perfect boy for me, sometimes spiders might still crawl up through the drain and I might only see them once I’d gotten all my bubble bath and candles ready. And I know that bus drivers are dickheads and won’t stop driving for someone who’s running to the stop, even if I do find the love of my life. I am glad that I know, now, that it’s okay if I never have a man like Prince Eric or Aladdin. Because Eric was with a fish lady and Aladdin wears stupid pants anyway, and they couldn’t solve all my problems with a pretty song and dance.
So I feel ripped off by Disney movies, because they lied to me when I was just a gullible little kid, and made me wish I could go to a ball and find the love of my life. I feel ripped off, because they made me hope for something impossible. I feel ripped off, because what I’ve learned in my short life is not to believe what you see in movies. And now, if my very own Prince Charming came along, I wouldn’t even see him.
But I was little then, and now I am sixteen years old, and I wonder if Prince Charmings even exist. I know I’m too young to feel like this, but I’m glad of it. I’m glad I’ve realized now that even if I did find that perfect boy for me, sometimes spiders might still crawl up through the drain and I might only see them once I’d gotten all my bubble bath and candles ready. And I know that bus drivers are dickheads and won’t stop driving for someone who’s running to the stop, even if I do find the love of my life. I am glad that I know, now, that it’s okay if I never have a man like Prince Eric or Aladdin. Because Eric was with a fish lady and Aladdin wears stupid pants anyway, and they couldn’t solve all my problems with a pretty song and dance.
So I feel ripped off by Disney movies, because they lied to me when I was just a gullible little kid, and made me wish I could go to a ball and find the love of my life. I feel ripped off, because they made me hope for something impossible. I feel ripped off, because what I’ve learned in my short life is not to believe what you see in movies. And now, if my very own Prince Charming came along, I wouldn’t even see him.
he doesnt deserve me
he doesn't deserve me.
i know that that's what everyone's been telling me for months, and ive known it was true. but now i feel it. i feel it in my heart that i am too good for him. he wasn't any good for me. he hurt me, he rejected me, he made the corners of my soul cave in. he made me happy for such a short time, and even then it was full of ups and downs. and i deserve better than that. i deserve a boy that loves me, that truly knows me fully and completely and is in love with every bit of me. i deserve a guy that always wants to be with me and will do anything for me. i deserve a man who makes me happy.
and i believe he exists. i believe now that someday, i will find my perfect match. i haven't been optimistic in months. i've spent so much time alone, dwelling on him, on the one that broke my heart. and i haven't been able to see that this isn't the end. i'm young, i have the rest of my life ahead of me. one day, i will find that person and we will fall crazily and madly in love. he exists. and it's okay if i don't find him anytime soon. i'm not going to go out there and search for him. because you know what? i do believe in soulmates. i believe that everyone has someone made just for them. and today, today i felt that hope inside of me. that i will find my soulmate. and that this guy, this stupid guy that broke me is not him. so why am i wasting my life crying over him? from now on, i'm just going to let go. i know i won't completely get over him right away, but i'm not going to spend any more time sitting at home when i could be living my life. i'm letting go of him because i don't need him.
i'm going to live. i'm going to have a love for life. and i'm going to be happy.
i know that that's what everyone's been telling me for months, and ive known it was true. but now i feel it. i feel it in my heart that i am too good for him. he wasn't any good for me. he hurt me, he rejected me, he made the corners of my soul cave in. he made me happy for such a short time, and even then it was full of ups and downs. and i deserve better than that. i deserve a boy that loves me, that truly knows me fully and completely and is in love with every bit of me. i deserve a guy that always wants to be with me and will do anything for me. i deserve a man who makes me happy.
and i believe he exists. i believe now that someday, i will find my perfect match. i haven't been optimistic in months. i've spent so much time alone, dwelling on him, on the one that broke my heart. and i haven't been able to see that this isn't the end. i'm young, i have the rest of my life ahead of me. one day, i will find that person and we will fall crazily and madly in love. he exists. and it's okay if i don't find him anytime soon. i'm not going to go out there and search for him. because you know what? i do believe in soulmates. i believe that everyone has someone made just for them. and today, today i felt that hope inside of me. that i will find my soulmate. and that this guy, this stupid guy that broke me is not him. so why am i wasting my life crying over him? from now on, i'm just going to let go. i know i won't completely get over him right away, but i'm not going to spend any more time sitting at home when i could be living my life. i'm letting go of him because i don't need him.
i'm going to live. i'm going to have a love for life. and i'm going to be happy.
Monday, January 25, 2010
what does love mean to you
A lot of us say that being a third party is bad, but I really beg to differ.
&I talked to someone, probably near but can't relate to, about the new love. Her new third-party love. Weird as it seems, it doesn't seem wrong. Part of me say this isn't wrong, because what we perceive True Love to be is constantly changing through experiences and interactions with others. Break-ups means that one have realised that their definition of True Love is wrong and that it have changed.
Loving is a process like growing up, it progresses. We grow up understanding more and being more arouse with surroundings. From young, we only knew Love is for the Love for basic necessity of growing up, like milk and probably the pacifier. Then we grew older by learning Love is the care and concern that parents give their child unconditionally. As we grow older, Love becomes more cliche and takes the form of simply almost anything - from holding hands to kissing to sexual.
I don't know what goes further than here, and I've yet to experience it myself. Love is just something that people sacrifice their blood and sweat to hunt for it. But in the first place, is it huntable, or has it always been there and that you just made it lost its meaning.
What does Love mean to you? Just companion or something unexplainable? Even being in a love-triangle, doesn't mean it's wrong to love. It's probably just wrong timing.
&I talked to someone, probably near but can't relate to, about the new love. Her new third-party love. Weird as it seems, it doesn't seem wrong. Part of me say this isn't wrong, because what we perceive True Love to be is constantly changing through experiences and interactions with others. Break-ups means that one have realised that their definition of True Love is wrong and that it have changed.
Loving is a process like growing up, it progresses. We grow up understanding more and being more arouse with surroundings. From young, we only knew Love is for the Love for basic necessity of growing up, like milk and probably the pacifier. Then we grew older by learning Love is the care and concern that parents give their child unconditionally. As we grow older, Love becomes more cliche and takes the form of simply almost anything - from holding hands to kissing to sexual.
I don't know what goes further than here, and I've yet to experience it myself. Love is just something that people sacrifice their blood and sweat to hunt for it. But in the first place, is it huntable, or has it always been there and that you just made it lost its meaning.
What does Love mean to you? Just companion or something unexplainable? Even being in a love-triangle, doesn't mean it's wrong to love. It's probably just wrong timing.
but there you are.
here i am, remembering about us again. i don’t know why all this is coming back now. i’ve dealt with it in virtually every aspect of my life, because the similarities seem to come up in some way or another. and you know what? i haven’t let myself fall for anyone again. no one has made me feel the way you could make me feel, and i wonder if anyone ever will.
all i know right now is that i’ve grown up a lot since then. and it makes me smile every time i think about it. i guess because i don’t like to admit to myself that all that drama and all that attention back then, i loved it. i loved it at first when i wasn’t worried of the possibilities that came later. i loved the way you made me feel. i loved how you could always make me laugh, and how many times you’d catch my eye in the middle of that laughter, and for a moment i believed that things could be different.
deep down though, i guess i always knew they never would be.
that was the problem-- you were way out of my league, and i knew that. it made it so frustrating, so ironic, that i couldn’t help myself from having such a hopeless crush. but it was because you were different. you were one of the few guys i always had respect for, you were the one who i laughed with and looked forward to seeing every day. i don’t know if you knew it or not. everyone else sure did. but you gave me a chance, and i let down my guard. i tricked myself into having hope, when i so clearly shouldn’t have had any. and from there, i suddenly freaked out. i suddenly realized how much it was screwing me up, and i couldn’t do a thing about it.
for the past two years, i’ve been trying to let it go. trying to move on with my life, avoiding any brush i might have with the past, avoiding any encounter i think i might have that would change the way things were. they were over. and i wanted myself to believe that.
but the thing is, it’s not over. i guess i’m just now realizing that it’s never going to be over. maybe i should have dealt with it better than i did. but i couldn't, and when i left, things were a mess. they still are. i thought it would go away; i thought i would forget you and everything we once were.
but i haven’t. i’ve wished so many times that i could forget, but there you are-- constantly on my mind, it seems, because tiny little things always trigger my memory. i try to push it away, instead of dealing with it. that’s what i do with anything that makes me uncomfortable. i suppose i should be learning how to understand my own emotions. i certainly have enough of them, and that’s hardly your fault. hell, i don’t even know why i’m writing this. it’s not like you’ll ever know what i think. i am a distant memory to you, if anything. i see you and i can tell what you're feeling. i know things will never be the same between us. you love her, and she's all that matters to you. she's all that will ever matter to you no matter what i do and no matter what i say. and even though every time i see you is a turning point in my life, it will hardly matter to yours.
i guess i should get used to that.
all i know right now is that i’ve grown up a lot since then. and it makes me smile every time i think about it. i guess because i don’t like to admit to myself that all that drama and all that attention back then, i loved it. i loved it at first when i wasn’t worried of the possibilities that came later. i loved the way you made me feel. i loved how you could always make me laugh, and how many times you’d catch my eye in the middle of that laughter, and for a moment i believed that things could be different.
deep down though, i guess i always knew they never would be.
that was the problem-- you were way out of my league, and i knew that. it made it so frustrating, so ironic, that i couldn’t help myself from having such a hopeless crush. but it was because you were different. you were one of the few guys i always had respect for, you were the one who i laughed with and looked forward to seeing every day. i don’t know if you knew it or not. everyone else sure did. but you gave me a chance, and i let down my guard. i tricked myself into having hope, when i so clearly shouldn’t have had any. and from there, i suddenly freaked out. i suddenly realized how much it was screwing me up, and i couldn’t do a thing about it.
for the past two years, i’ve been trying to let it go. trying to move on with my life, avoiding any brush i might have with the past, avoiding any encounter i think i might have that would change the way things were. they were over. and i wanted myself to believe that.
but the thing is, it’s not over. i guess i’m just now realizing that it’s never going to be over. maybe i should have dealt with it better than i did. but i couldn't, and when i left, things were a mess. they still are. i thought it would go away; i thought i would forget you and everything we once were.
but i haven’t. i’ve wished so many times that i could forget, but there you are-- constantly on my mind, it seems, because tiny little things always trigger my memory. i try to push it away, instead of dealing with it. that’s what i do with anything that makes me uncomfortable. i suppose i should be learning how to understand my own emotions. i certainly have enough of them, and that’s hardly your fault. hell, i don’t even know why i’m writing this. it’s not like you’ll ever know what i think. i am a distant memory to you, if anything. i see you and i can tell what you're feeling. i know things will never be the same between us. you love her, and she's all that matters to you. she's all that will ever matter to you no matter what i do and no matter what i say. and even though every time i see you is a turning point in my life, it will hardly matter to yours.
i guess i should get used to that.
it's easy
Sometimes I feel like im 10 again. When my skin fit. When eyes fell softly on me. When my wingspan held the weight of me. When fingerprints grazed but never sat on me. My neck and waist were free of them. When empty was good. Only room to be filled. Nothing to be stolen. Taken. Consumed. This pen of many more pounds just weeks ago. And now, ink and words are pulled out of it. Promise spilling out of it. Every night I wake in between a chain of dreams. I gasp. Or frown. Or sweetly hum. Either way, finding the ground. Grounding myself to the reality I will eventually wake again to. Dream. Wake. Dream. Dream. Wake. And somewhere in between them, you slipped under the sheets. One leg at a time. Half dream. Half reality. A bridge between my two worlds. Hands and feet of butter. A thumb pressed hard and slow down me…along where my hair meets my face. Melts me back to sleep. Finding me with each toss. Finding a fit with each turn. Pull the wall back. Let the light in. I want to see you. A hot breath lays thick on your neck. A sweat climbs to the surface of your back. Sticky and sweet. A heat buried in me….alive again. Awake again. Steam seeps out of me. Wraps us. This night gave me back five years. I saw you once when I was a young girl. When I watched my father’s veins swell. And I watched my mother’s chest sink. And my eyes shut just long enough for me to see you. I saw your hands, but not your face. I saw how you would feel, but not how you would look. Between their yells I heard you whisper something that made sense. Your hands, your voice, gave me back six years. The only settling we can speak of now is the way the sea has settled beneath me. The way the tips crashed and spun and now sleep calmly on their sea floor.
waiting for so long
through some twist of fate we found each other. actually, you found me. you, l'étranger, settling in another city, another country. i was supposed to help, i guess that didn't pan out quite as expected...
so we met and we laughed and we shared wine and stories. and i came home with a smile and a promise we'd see each other again. soon. and we met again. and again. and we marveled at how much two lives could resemble one another with so much land between them.
let's be candid. you were good for my ego. but of course you were never supposed to be more than that. if anything were to happen between us it had an expiration date, because at the end of the year you're obviously going back home. so i was definitely not going to get entangled, not going to let myself fall in love with you. that was the plan.
and then you held me. and you kissed me. still i thought i could resist. but every time you kissed me, every time you touched me i cleared out a little more room for you in my life. and for the butterflies in my stomach.
so this was me, not caring if we publicly displayed our affection or who saw it, because it was just not that big of a deal. act, don't think, do not feel!
then the rain came. it reminded you of what you had lived before me. of what you had been through. and suddenly i stopped being your guide and became the person you didn't really know and couldn't bring yourself to trust. somehow i became l'étrangère, the stranger.
and now i'm stuck here. between giving you space to resolve your life and having given you space in my life. and i'm sorry to say, that while i had started to stray from the plan, despite having told you how patient i can be, i just don't know that i can wait for you to be ready. i can't not know if you'll be ready before we run out of time. i have been left waiting for too long.
so could you please, please hurry up?
so we met and we laughed and we shared wine and stories. and i came home with a smile and a promise we'd see each other again. soon. and we met again. and again. and we marveled at how much two lives could resemble one another with so much land between them.
let's be candid. you were good for my ego. but of course you were never supposed to be more than that. if anything were to happen between us it had an expiration date, because at the end of the year you're obviously going back home. so i was definitely not going to get entangled, not going to let myself fall in love with you. that was the plan.
and then you held me. and you kissed me. still i thought i could resist. but every time you kissed me, every time you touched me i cleared out a little more room for you in my life. and for the butterflies in my stomach.
so this was me, not caring if we publicly displayed our affection or who saw it, because it was just not that big of a deal. act, don't think, do not feel!
then the rain came. it reminded you of what you had lived before me. of what you had been through. and suddenly i stopped being your guide and became the person you didn't really know and couldn't bring yourself to trust. somehow i became l'étrangère, the stranger.
and now i'm stuck here. between giving you space to resolve your life and having given you space in my life. and i'm sorry to say, that while i had started to stray from the plan, despite having told you how patient i can be, i just don't know that i can wait for you to be ready. i can't not know if you'll be ready before we run out of time. i have been left waiting for too long.
so could you please, please hurry up?
This quote will change you like it changed me
"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly,
and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story...
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrending the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune,
but do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labours and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life -
keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world."
-Max Ehrmann
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly,
and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story...
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrending the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune,
but do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labours and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life -
keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world."
-Max Ehrmann
Pills
"Just because a woman is lovesick doesn't mean she has to take the first pill that comes along"
I have been lovesick for years now, broken by seemingly infallible relationships and bruised by heartbreak. I wasn't looking for pills; in fact, I was avoiding them at all costs. The last thing I needed was a shiny new pill with side effects overriding the benefits that always seemed so dear to me. But I fell upon a pill so intoxicating I couldn't resist. This pill was fascinating, beautiful, the only pill in the world that seemed to be able to make me feel alive, beautiful, and full of hope. This pill was a dreamer, with no doubt about any hardships he couldn't overcome. This pill was an old soul, trapped in a young, beautiful body. This pill had spirit, and interests in things I have always just passed by as common occurrences in everyday life. I didn't want this pill, It was merely to pass the time by in my days of loneliness. This pill dragged me out of the darkness, and into a world of new beginnings, of hope when I thought happiness was impossible. And then this pill moved. Hours and hours away while I was locked down under the fact of my innocence, of my dependence, of my youth living in a household that had a grasp so tight on me I could hardly breathe. This pill moved to a city full of life, where it could thrive and learn at the art school of this pill's dreams. A city of promise and new experiences, while my broken heart was trapped in a suburban town known to promote set-in-stone beliefs and pretty houses and fancy cars. A town promoting one type of people, when all I wanted to do was be with my drug, the drug that listens to the music of the twenties, that has a soul of the fifties, and the unique insight I'm not sure an era has yet seen. This pill inspires me to be my own person, to think deeply about what is important to me, to question my ignorant ways of the past. And soon I will be living in the beautiful city with this pill, flourishing in this town embracing uniqueness, loving the diversity of it, and having hope for those who are too blind to see past the materialism I had been so caught up in. I will soon be able to have my fix, while following my own dreams I didn't quite know I had before my drug drew them out from deep within my soul. My pill is a boy. A boy that showed me I can love again, and not only I can love again, but I can love without limits. Because the miles between us don't matter as long as we both know that my sickness has subsided.
I have been lovesick for years now, broken by seemingly infallible relationships and bruised by heartbreak. I wasn't looking for pills; in fact, I was avoiding them at all costs. The last thing I needed was a shiny new pill with side effects overriding the benefits that always seemed so dear to me. But I fell upon a pill so intoxicating I couldn't resist. This pill was fascinating, beautiful, the only pill in the world that seemed to be able to make me feel alive, beautiful, and full of hope. This pill was a dreamer, with no doubt about any hardships he couldn't overcome. This pill was an old soul, trapped in a young, beautiful body. This pill had spirit, and interests in things I have always just passed by as common occurrences in everyday life. I didn't want this pill, It was merely to pass the time by in my days of loneliness. This pill dragged me out of the darkness, and into a world of new beginnings, of hope when I thought happiness was impossible. And then this pill moved. Hours and hours away while I was locked down under the fact of my innocence, of my dependence, of my youth living in a household that had a grasp so tight on me I could hardly breathe. This pill moved to a city full of life, where it could thrive and learn at the art school of this pill's dreams. A city of promise and new experiences, while my broken heart was trapped in a suburban town known to promote set-in-stone beliefs and pretty houses and fancy cars. A town promoting one type of people, when all I wanted to do was be with my drug, the drug that listens to the music of the twenties, that has a soul of the fifties, and the unique insight I'm not sure an era has yet seen. This pill inspires me to be my own person, to think deeply about what is important to me, to question my ignorant ways of the past. And soon I will be living in the beautiful city with this pill, flourishing in this town embracing uniqueness, loving the diversity of it, and having hope for those who are too blind to see past the materialism I had been so caught up in. I will soon be able to have my fix, while following my own dreams I didn't quite know I had before my drug drew them out from deep within my soul. My pill is a boy. A boy that showed me I can love again, and not only I can love again, but I can love without limits. Because the miles between us don't matter as long as we both know that my sickness has subsided.
I cant
i can't. i can't i can't i can't.
i can't do this anymore. its going to kill me. i just can't. i need to move on.
but.
i can't stop loving him. i can't and i need to because its the worst thing ever.
i can't because thinking of everything that happened literally makes me sick to my stomach.
i can't because he's the only one i ever think about.
he's the one i don't want to think about, but i cannot stop.
i can't because i never got to kiss him, i never felt his breath between my lips.
i can't because i spend my days fantasizing about him surprising me,
showing up on my doorstep, telling me he made a mistake.
i can't because i see her everyday.
i see her and i think of what they used to have and i agonize over whether he chose her.
i can't because i don't even know if he chose her.
i don't even know because he is so confusing and frustrating
and he makes everything so unclear.
i can't because he might still have feelings for me.
there is that sliver of a chance and while i know its probably not true,
it makes it impossible to let go.
i can't because i think about being in his arms every second.
the hairs of his beard brushing my cheek gently.
the feeling of his warmth beneath my fingers.
i can't because the way our fingers intertwined was perfect.
it felt warm and soft and right.
i can't because he understood me.
he just got me, right from the start.
and i don't find that often. not often at all.
i can't because we would be perfect together.
i know we would. and it's too hard for me to give up on that.
i can't because EVERYTHING makes me think of him.
crayons. tattoos. band tees. school buses. nose rings.
and every time i see them im completely overwhelmed.
i can't because i practically start crying in the middle of the gym when a song comes on that makes me think of him. which is a lot of songs.
i can't because i've tried and it doesn't work. i want to stop so much.
its just not going to happen.
i can't because i don't see other guys. i don't even see them as being guys.
its like they don't exist to me now.
i can;t because i imagined our insane, amazing, beautiful future and it's all i want.
i thought it was really going to happen and now the pain is eating me up.
i can't because i want him more than i've ever wanted anything in my life.
i can't breathe. i can't focus. i can't be without him. i can't go the rest of my life wondering what it would have been like.
i can't do this anymore. its going to kill me. i just can't. i need to move on.
but.
i can't stop loving him. i can't and i need to because its the worst thing ever.
i can't because thinking of everything that happened literally makes me sick to my stomach.
i can't because he's the only one i ever think about.
he's the one i don't want to think about, but i cannot stop.
i can't because i never got to kiss him, i never felt his breath between my lips.
i can't because i spend my days fantasizing about him surprising me,
showing up on my doorstep, telling me he made a mistake.
i can't because i see her everyday.
i see her and i think of what they used to have and i agonize over whether he chose her.
i can't because i don't even know if he chose her.
i don't even know because he is so confusing and frustrating
and he makes everything so unclear.
i can't because he might still have feelings for me.
there is that sliver of a chance and while i know its probably not true,
it makes it impossible to let go.
i can't because i think about being in his arms every second.
the hairs of his beard brushing my cheek gently.
the feeling of his warmth beneath my fingers.
i can't because the way our fingers intertwined was perfect.
it felt warm and soft and right.
i can't because he understood me.
he just got me, right from the start.
and i don't find that often. not often at all.
i can't because we would be perfect together.
i know we would. and it's too hard for me to give up on that.
i can't because EVERYTHING makes me think of him.
crayons. tattoos. band tees. school buses. nose rings.
and every time i see them im completely overwhelmed.
i can't because i practically start crying in the middle of the gym when a song comes on that makes me think of him. which is a lot of songs.
i can't because i've tried and it doesn't work. i want to stop so much.
its just not going to happen.
i can't because i don't see other guys. i don't even see them as being guys.
its like they don't exist to me now.
i can;t because i imagined our insane, amazing, beautiful future and it's all i want.
i thought it was really going to happen and now the pain is eating me up.
i can't because i want him more than i've ever wanted anything in my life.
i can't breathe. i can't focus. i can't be without him. i can't go the rest of my life wondering what it would have been like.
Never tasted Love
I have never tasted love.
I have never been blessed with the true feeling of love. I've always felt like an outcast in that way. Placed beside the world of loving individuals. Like it's not meant for me. You see, I'm a dreamer. And in my dreams I'm head over hills in love and it's mutual. Unfortunately, this makes me an observer. I observe everything and everyone around me, and the importance of my own actions fails. It's like I'm trapped inside my brain and completely unable to... do life. I think I'm in love with the thought of being in love, how cliché it may sound. And I don't want to wait forever. Maybe I'm just gonna have to accept it. Maybe there is this insignificant number of all the billion people on earth, who just aren't supposed to fall in love...
I have never been blessed with the true feeling of love. I've always felt like an outcast in that way. Placed beside the world of loving individuals. Like it's not meant for me. You see, I'm a dreamer. And in my dreams I'm head over hills in love and it's mutual. Unfortunately, this makes me an observer. I observe everything and everyone around me, and the importance of my own actions fails. It's like I'm trapped inside my brain and completely unable to... do life. I think I'm in love with the thought of being in love, how cliché it may sound. And I don't want to wait forever. Maybe I'm just gonna have to accept it. Maybe there is this insignificant number of all the billion people on earth, who just aren't supposed to fall in love...
I dream of you somtimes
I dream of you sometimes
Yearning for your image to exist outside my mind
Hoping that it will only be a matter of time
Before we meet and allow our eyes to speak
Knowing more then what our eyes can see
Patiently waiting to begin our destiny
This is where my soul will lead
Letting go of the thoughts of your physique
So that I can see through
Wanting to explore
Deep into the truth
Knowing that you are because he already knew
That I was the rib to fit inside of you
No other will ever do
See we never had to choose
He never asked us to
He just wanted us to trust and believe
That I'm for you and you're for me
I'm just waiting for this to be
A sudden sigh
As I drift off to sleep
Dwelling in my unconscious mind
I dream of you sometimes…
Yearning for your image to exist outside my mind
Hoping that it will only be a matter of time
Before we meet and allow our eyes to speak
Knowing more then what our eyes can see
Patiently waiting to begin our destiny
This is where my soul will lead
Letting go of the thoughts of your physique
So that I can see through
Wanting to explore
Deep into the truth
Knowing that you are because he already knew
That I was the rib to fit inside of you
No other will ever do
See we never had to choose
He never asked us to
He just wanted us to trust and believe
That I'm for you and you're for me
I'm just waiting for this to be
A sudden sigh
As I drift off to sleep
Dwelling in my unconscious mind
I dream of you sometimes…
Soulmates?
Do you believe in what people call ‘soulmates’? I, for one, do not. I’ve been told my way of looking at love is cynical but I don’t think so. I believe that a person call fall in love with anyone, given the timing is right. People fall in and out of your life, I don’t believe in destiny, things happen for no reason and you are left to try to control it - although you know you can’t. I only try to convince myself things are meant to be when something negative happens. But in the end, I don’t think it works like that.
My friends are not my friends because they are better than other people - I’ve learned to love them by being around them and getting to know them. If I spent time with most people, granted they weren’t extremely rude and had no interest in me, I could probably love them just as much as I love my friends now.
But somethings I find harder to explain, like the way you can meet people who just feel right for you. But then again, this might also be coincidence - and timing. But it is all so very shallow. I wish I could look at people and oversee their physical appearance. But of course that’s not possible. But if it was, I really wonder what I’d see.
But do not mistake me, if there is something I believe in it is love.
My friends are not my friends because they are better than other people - I’ve learned to love them by being around them and getting to know them. If I spent time with most people, granted they weren’t extremely rude and had no interest in me, I could probably love them just as much as I love my friends now.
But somethings I find harder to explain, like the way you can meet people who just feel right for you. But then again, this might also be coincidence - and timing. But it is all so very shallow. I wish I could look at people and oversee their physical appearance. But of course that’s not possible. But if it was, I really wonder what I’d see.
But do not mistake me, if there is something I believe in it is love.
decade gone and past
With a new year beginning, I tend to overthink just about everything, (yes, even more than usual).
Not only is it a new year, it's also a new month, and not only that, but it's a new decade.
With life changing as fast as it is, and time going by as quickly as it does, I started thinking to myself tonight, what do I wish I had done differently, what do I regret, and what do I wish I would have known five years ago?
Lots of silly little things popped into my head.
I wish I hadn't taken life so seriously.
I wish I would have gone to more concerts.
I wish I would have been easier on my parents.
I wish I would have gotten better grades.
And as I was thinking about all these little things I wish I had done differently, I thought to myself, If I could really, really go back five years ago to the girl I was, and really, really give her advice, I wouldn't have told that girl any of those things.
I would have looked at myself, that girl five years ago, and said, Stop thinking, stop questioning, and don't worry about a thing.
Because if I hadn't taken life so seriously, if I had gone to more concerts, if I had been easier on my parents and heaven forbid if I had gotten better grades, I might not be here, exactly where I am today.
And like Max Ehrmann said, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should, contrary to what we may think at times.
And I guess life is just beautiful like that.
Every decision we make, whether it be insignificant or monumental, happens for a reason, and that my dear friends is a very beautiful concept.
I don't believe in fate some days, but today I do, and the thought that my path has been predestined for me brings comort and peace to my soul.
I apologize for my jumbled up thoughts, but oh blogger, you always do seem to understand my mixed up head.
I guess what I'm trying to say is,
Life; I think I'm in love with you.
So terribly in love with you.
Not only is it a new year, it's also a new month, and not only that, but it's a new decade.
With life changing as fast as it is, and time going by as quickly as it does, I started thinking to myself tonight, what do I wish I had done differently, what do I regret, and what do I wish I would have known five years ago?
Lots of silly little things popped into my head.
I wish I hadn't taken life so seriously.
I wish I would have gone to more concerts.
I wish I would have been easier on my parents.
I wish I would have gotten better grades.
And as I was thinking about all these little things I wish I had done differently, I thought to myself, If I could really, really go back five years ago to the girl I was, and really, really give her advice, I wouldn't have told that girl any of those things.
I would have looked at myself, that girl five years ago, and said, Stop thinking, stop questioning, and don't worry about a thing.
Because if I hadn't taken life so seriously, if I had gone to more concerts, if I had been easier on my parents and heaven forbid if I had gotten better grades, I might not be here, exactly where I am today.
And like Max Ehrmann said, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should, contrary to what we may think at times.
And I guess life is just beautiful like that.
Every decision we make, whether it be insignificant or monumental, happens for a reason, and that my dear friends is a very beautiful concept.
I don't believe in fate some days, but today I do, and the thought that my path has been predestined for me brings comort and peace to my soul.
I apologize for my jumbled up thoughts, but oh blogger, you always do seem to understand my mixed up head.
I guess what I'm trying to say is,
Life; I think I'm in love with you.
So terribly in love with you.
apology
I think I may have lost that one person.That you want to hate but you can't because despite all the pain you love them so much. Hate is not an option. I still love you I fear I always will. I know it is mostly my fault for resisting you and putting up a barrier. Something I created out of knowing that you could break my heart in a moment. I think I may have lost you. And I just want you to know I am sorry.I just wish you could see how much I love you. And I hate myself for not showing it to you more. And now I have learned too late that barriers don't protect me they just hurt you. And that breaks my heart more then anything. I loved you right away because you saw through me and did not care how hard I made it. You were kind and generous. I love you with all my heart and I hope you can somehow forgive me for pushing you away. You made me delicate and I wake up crying thinking of how far you are. I am sorry for playing hard to get after the games were over. I love you with all my heart.
Dear YOU
Dear you.
I have known you for almost 5 years now. And for 3 of them I have been in love with you. I love how you always can make me smile, or cheer me up when I’m sad or down, or how you can make a joke only I will understand. I love how you’ll tell me secrets that no one is supposed to know, or how you can tell a story from your day and somewhat make me feel like I was there.
I wish I could tell you how you make me feel. That every time someone says your name, even if they talk about another person, there is a thump in my stomach. Or that when you call me, or we talk on the phone, and you beg me not to hang up, my heart speeds up and I smile. Or that when you hold my hand in the dark, tired as you were, I never wanted to let go. Or that when you tell me, how happy you are that you have me, and how kind I always am, I want to tell you how I feel. I really wish I could tell you.
I want you to know that I often look for you at school. You might not notice, but sometimes I do. I try to talk to you when I see you, or at least show you that I’m there and want your attention. I really just want to talk to you more, like we used to. A few years ago I think you might have been my best friend. I still want that. I want to be able to watch movies like we did. Scary ones, so I could sit closer to you, or sometimes even hold your hand. And you were holding mine.
I wish I could tell you all this, and that you would feel the same, but I think I’ll never be able to. I’m too scared to loose you, to lose the friendship we have. But maybe some day I’ll be able to risk it. Just to have a chance of being with you. Maybe one day I finally will. Or you will.
I wish I could be only yours,
I have known you for almost 5 years now. And for 3 of them I have been in love with you. I love how you always can make me smile, or cheer me up when I’m sad or down, or how you can make a joke only I will understand. I love how you’ll tell me secrets that no one is supposed to know, or how you can tell a story from your day and somewhat make me feel like I was there.
I wish I could tell you how you make me feel. That every time someone says your name, even if they talk about another person, there is a thump in my stomach. Or that when you call me, or we talk on the phone, and you beg me not to hang up, my heart speeds up and I smile. Or that when you hold my hand in the dark, tired as you were, I never wanted to let go. Or that when you tell me, how happy you are that you have me, and how kind I always am, I want to tell you how I feel. I really wish I could tell you.
I want you to know that I often look for you at school. You might not notice, but sometimes I do. I try to talk to you when I see you, or at least show you that I’m there and want your attention. I really just want to talk to you more, like we used to. A few years ago I think you might have been my best friend. I still want that. I want to be able to watch movies like we did. Scary ones, so I could sit closer to you, or sometimes even hold your hand. And you were holding mine.
I wish I could tell you all this, and that you would feel the same, but I think I’ll never be able to. I’m too scared to loose you, to lose the friendship we have. But maybe some day I’ll be able to risk it. Just to have a chance of being with you. Maybe one day I finally will. Or you will.
I wish I could be only yours,
living life without me
Do you remember my shaking hands and my weak knees
That first night that you ever kissed me
Do you remember my beating heart when you took my hand
I didn't know how to fall in love - how I hoped you would understand
Do you remember those summer nights underneath the stars
Do you remember those pretty drives we took in your car
Do you remember the look in my eye when I finally knew
Do you remember the very first time I knew I was in love with you
What happened to the magic please tell me where did it go
What happened to everything we knew please tell me everything you know
I think I'll travel back in time back to where we use to be
Because I remember the first time you said you were in love with me
Do you remember everything that you use to feel
I know you knew that what we had was real
Do you remember the times when the world was right
Do you remember those perfect days
Do you remember those perfect nights
Give me one good explanation
Give me one good reason to go
Tell me why I should turn around
Tell me what I need to know
When you say you are just my friend
Do you really mean this is the end
Is this how you wanted it to be
Living life without me
That first night that you ever kissed me
Do you remember my beating heart when you took my hand
I didn't know how to fall in love - how I hoped you would understand
Do you remember those summer nights underneath the stars
Do you remember those pretty drives we took in your car
Do you remember the look in my eye when I finally knew
Do you remember the very first time I knew I was in love with you
What happened to the magic please tell me where did it go
What happened to everything we knew please tell me everything you know
I think I'll travel back in time back to where we use to be
Because I remember the first time you said you were in love with me
Do you remember everything that you use to feel
I know you knew that what we had was real
Do you remember the times when the world was right
Do you remember those perfect days
Do you remember those perfect nights
Give me one good explanation
Give me one good reason to go
Tell me why I should turn around
Tell me what I need to know
When you say you are just my friend
Do you really mean this is the end
Is this how you wanted it to be
Living life without me
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